Kids: Today, I was walking in the kitchen with my parrot on my shoulder...

By margretlle - 26/04/2009 04:07 - United States

Today, I was walking in the kitchen with my parrot on my shoulder and my dog running around. Something freaked out my bird and she bit my ear and started flapping her wings in my face. Surprised, I took a step back, tripped over my dog, fell, hit my head on the stove, and got knocked unconscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 744

You deserved it 8 415

Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Mr.P - 21/10/2011 15:35 - United States

Today, I was just about to sit down to watch my favorite TV show when my dog jumped over the back of my couch, landed on my head and tried to jump through the window. I now have concussion and a window to replace, all because of a bird. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 225

You deserved it 3 268

Do a backflip!

By Anonymous - 22/02/2024 00:00 - Australia

Today, I walked out into my backyard. As I did so, my dogs ran past me, slamming the sliding door off its track. I went to catch it, and knocked the bird cage over. To complete the fumble, as I turned to catch the bird cage, I stepped in a dog turd. I wasn't wearing shoes. We're all okay, but… FML

I agree, your life sucks 474

You deserved it 140

Flash, ah ah!

By Dumb, Dumber, and Dumberer - 12/10/2022 20:00

Today, a bird ran into my window. My overzealous cat ran at it like the Flash and smashed his face in the window. He yelped and ran away, then as I was running to see if he was OK, I slammed my face in the door jamb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 820

You deserved it 274

By Anna - 15/06/2012 09:43 - United States - Buellton

Today, I was driving my parrot home from the vet. As I was driving home, I decided to let her sit on my shoulder. Something scared her, and she started flapping in my face, causing me to crash my car into a tree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 770

You deserved it 51 777

By No Nip - 25/04/2019 12:00

Today, I was making breakfast with my parrot on my shoulder. He was excited about the food, and in his rush to climb down to the counter, bit through my nipple. I had to get stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 987

You deserved it 486

Impressive

By Anonymous - 19/03/2009 02:57 - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. In his front room was a giant parrot. Hoping to impress them, I went over to the bird and began talking to it proving I wasn't scared. Out of nowhere, it's beak clenched onto my nose making it gush blood on the carpet. I was hospitalized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 437

You deserved it 19 348

By birdsterrifyme - 23/03/2015 04:42 - United States - Sikeston

Today, I decided to confront my fear of birds when my friend's pet bird was walking up to me. He got on my arm, climbed up and attacked my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 166

You deserved it 4 374

By mayhemily - 21/09/2015 16:22 - Canada - Aurora

Today, I passed out in my kitchen and was woken up by my dog. Not because she was worried about me, but because my body was blocking her food dish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 485

You deserved it 2 977

By birdbath - 08/11/2009 07:26 - United States

Today, I ran into a bird. Not with my car, with my face. It was so scared, it crapped all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 898

You deserved it 3 639

By TehUglyLife - 29/07/2013 19:11 - United States - Jacksonville Beach

Today, I tried to help a bird who had broken his wing. I walked straight into a door while looking down at him in my hands, and ended up all but breaking his other wing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 908

You deserved it 14 201

24788 6

Sunday 26 April 2009 13:57

I think they planned that one out. Lol owned

SwaggerDownPat 0

Monday 12 March 2012 4:48

What exactly was the point of that comment?

Comments

lovelikewinter 0

Sunday 26 April 2009 14:55

why did you file this under 'kids'?

thx1138_fml 0

Sunday 26 April 2009 14:58

least it wasn't a gas stove that was on...

PrettyVal 0

Sunday 26 April 2009 15:18

Okay...this is effiin hilarious. Sucks for you though. And yeah really...why is this filed under kids??? And also agreed with #23. And I also think they planned it. HAHAHAHA. JK but it's soooo funny! :D

Nick7 0

Sunday 26 April 2009 15:25

haha your dog table topped you

SpliffyMcBlunt 0

Sunday 26 April 2009 16:05

That's why you leave pirate school before the second trimester or you will never get an abortion for Christmas. And also be more careful when you r4pe little dogs they have feelings too :(

YLIF 0

Sunday 26 April 2009 16:09

this one might be fake. if you were knocked unconscious you wouldn't remember anything from the last few minutes. and even though some people remember after a few hours of consciousness the details are usually vague. there always could have been someone who told you but i doubt they would pay that close attention to what was going on before you hit the stove.

infidelboy 0

Sunday 26 April 2009 16:27

thats awesome!!! the having a parrot and a dog thing, not the unconscious thing. i wish i could have that

alyssamarie218 0

Sunday 26 April 2009 16:34

What kind of Parrot is it?

DickVanDyke 0

Sunday 26 April 2009 16:55

"Okay Rascal, I'm gonna fly to his shoulder and he'll think he's a pirate. Then he'll go to the stove to cook up some 'grub' for his 'maties'. You get on all fours behind him, I'll bite him in the ear, he'll trip over you, hit his head on the stove, and fall unconscious. Then when he wakes up instead of going to the hospital he'll post this on fmylife.com/. Brilliant!"