Kids: Today, I was watching my 3 year old brother. He asked me to get...

By WickedRene - 02/08/2014 01:57 - United States - Rochester

Today, I was watching my 3 year old brother. He asked me to get him a cookie and I said, "What's the magic word?" He looked at me angrily and said "Bitch, please." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 941

You deserved it 8 226

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 29/03/2013 01:13 - United States - Sunnyvale

Today, I came home from work to my 4-year old daughter cussing left and right. I asked her about it; she said that her brother had taught her some words. When I confronted him about the situation, he kicked my shin and screamed, "Stop treating me like a fucking child!" He's 5. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 203

You deserved it 18 846

By lifesucks4me - 23/02/2009 12:51 - United States

Today, I'm playing basketball with my little brother. After jokingly blocking his shot, he turns to me and says, "You're a bitch." He's 6. After I asked him where he heard that word, he responded with, "Daddy calls you that when you're not around." FML

I agree, your life sucks 161 005

You deserved it 13 790

By bigbro - 06/09/2016 08:05 - Australia - Southbank

Today, I was babysitting my 6-year-old brother and was playing Mario. When I won, he called me a cunt. I was in shock and asked him where he learnt the word. He said from me when I was driving. He then told my mum that I taught him a new word. Easy to say, I'm in big trouble. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 369

You deserved it 4 978

Little shit

By moneyman22 - 01/03/2010 19:09 - United States

Today, I was asked to take care of my 3 year-old little brother. After 15 minutes of him screaming and me trying to keep him entertained, he started throwing his toy cars at me. He hit me in the mouth, and I started to bleed. My parents yelled at me for "not controlling him." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 478

You deserved it 3 966

By jessi - 02/12/2011 13:22 - United States

Today, I told my son he couldn't have a toy. He threw a fit, looked me in the eye, and screamed, "Daddy's right! You are a bitch!" The whole store was watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 152

You deserved it 6 675

By Alex - 26/03/2009 04:42 - United States

Today, I realized my friends and I should be more careful what we say around my younger brother. I never thought he was paying attention until today. My stepmom told him it was time to go to bed. He responded, "I think it's time for you to suck one." My brother is 4. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 197

You deserved it 76 850

Ungrateful

By Anonymous - 12/10/2020 14:08

Today, my three-year-old told me he hates me cause I’m mean because I wouldn’t give him another cupcake. Now he is calling his grandma his new mommy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 107

You deserved it 174

By ElamentalAngel - 06/05/2009 17:04 - United Kingdom

Today, my 3 year old nephew was sitting on my knee at the computer. He was annoying me as he kept on pressing all the buttons. To scare him off I did a creepy voice in his ear that makes him cry. He turned round and broke my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 336

You deserved it 83 892

By CaoNiMa - 26/03/2009 15:42 - China

Today, I had my girlfriend over and we we're watching a movie in my basement. I run upstairs and pop a bag of popcorn. Later I come downstairs to find my 10 year old brother sitting next to my girlfriend saying," My brother always says he wants to screw your brains out, whatever that means". FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 844

You deserved it 74 861

By cuntocracy - 21/01/2014 22:27 - Australia

Today, my brother asked me if I wanted to see a magic trick. I stupidly said yes and now have a black eye from where he punched me. My dad thinks it's hilarious and my mum says he didn't know any better. He's 13. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 236

You deserved it 6 076

evolution8 9

Saturday 2 August 2014 15:32

I hope you didn't give him that cookie and taught him how to speak

xXToxicPenguinXx 12

Saturday 2 August 2014 15:32

Oh kids these days!

Comments

sunnyray812 42

Saturday 2 August 2014 15:44

I would've really spanked him and told him to be polite.

Sandsh8rk 36

Saturday 2 August 2014 15:44

Well I'll give him credit, he got it half right :)

junkman6 22

Saturday 2 August 2014 15:47

Older sibling duty #1 teach him the value of a well placed backhand.

Stryker78cRS 15

Wednesday 6 August 2014 4:44

A bitch slap? lol jk

Soundslikeothers 15

Saturday 2 August 2014 15:52

Is your brother Jesse Pinkman

Flaming_Pandas 15

Saturday 2 August 2014 16:53

Where's my cookie, bitch?!

vairyhagina 11

Saturday 2 August 2014 20:36

Prepare yourselves, breaking bad references are coming.

mete_orito 34

Saturday 2 August 2014 15:53

Get the soap and the toothbrush ready to wash your brother's mouth.

Stryker78cRS 15

Wednesday 6 August 2014 4:45

I just pour soap In my little bros mouth

pipipiyo 12

Saturday 2 August 2014 15:59

Looks like somebody needs to have a lesson...

inowhtthefoxsays 20

Saturday 2 August 2014 18:32

I agree. The lesson is get the boy a cookie when he says give him a cookie. This way bitch please doesn't have to escalate to bitch slap. lol

killer0689 20

Saturday 2 August 2014 16:03

3yrs old kid..?? well that escalated quickly :p

trumpet27 1

Friday 3 February 2017 5:56

yes. yes it did.

MrConcise 34

Saturday 2 August 2014 16:06

Gotta keep your pimp hand strong.

Rawrshi 25

Saturday 2 August 2014 16:08

But, I thought the magic words were open sesame and abracadabra all this time... :(

Melix 31

Saturday 2 August 2014 16:10

Well that's one way to ask.

Keywords

Awkward Miscellaneous Embarrassing Work Sleep Dating Love Am I overreacting? Annoying Parents Health Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Public freakouts Fight Cops Drugs Neighbours Medication Relatable Teenagers Dogs Animals Gamers Ironic Video games Job interview

The Top

Today, my husband has been out partying all night. While my in-laws didn't ask him a single question, earlier I received more than six calls from them about when I'll be home to cook and clean. Where was I? In the office for the first time after working from home for past 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 056

You deserved it 111

Today, it's been two months since I broke up with my boyfriend. He's been texting me every time he found a bobby pin at his house that belonged to me, saying we should both see it as a sign of us belonging together. If he keeps this up every time he finds one, the texts will probably never stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 095

You deserved it 880

The Top

Today, I logged onto Facebook and saw that I had a message from my ex boyfriend. It's only been two weeks since we broke up and I assumed he sent me a message begging for me to take him back. He wanted to apologize for sleeping with my sister last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 539

You deserved it 5 703

Today, my boyfriend randomly decided to let me know that he believes there's really no such thing as cheating, unless both partners explicitly agree that the relationship is monogamous. And no, he wouldn't agree that ours is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 802

You deserved it 4 906

Today, I was at my job in the Dean of Students office. My boss gave me some papers to copy. As I was copying, I read in a report that my boyfriend was written up for "cohabitation" (having a girl stay over) at my Catholic university. The report was from a weekend I wasn't at school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 400

You deserved it 4 205

Today, at my graduation for my high school GED, my parents said they were getting all my family and my girlfriend together. So we all went out to a steakhouse down the road, everyone ordered steaks. Turns out the 'surprise' was me paying. I only got 50$ grad money, and the bill was 159.98. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 866

You deserved it 5 023

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of 3 years has spent a total of 2k on OnlyFans throughout our entire relationship. I thought everything was going good. I guess that's the red flag for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 270

You deserved it 228

Today, I woke up with a hangover and a pounding headache and tried to take an ibuprofen with a glass of water. I missed my mouth and threw the pill directly into my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 127

You deserved it 461

Same thing different taste

Little shit

Ungrateful

Top comments

Comments