Intimacy: Today, I went to Target to buy some soap and this 65-70 year...

By fecurtis - 23/01/2009 08:36 - United States

Today, I went to Target to buy some soap and this 65-70 year old woman next to me was asking a sales associate if they had any bubble bath mix. I suddenly pictured her naked, bathing herself and suddenly my dick just couldn't sit still. It's probably because I haven't had sex in over 22 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 629

You deserved it 13 432

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

By the_captain - 23/06/2009 00:21 - United States

Today, I was cashiering at Target when an old woman came into my checkout line. Her items? Variety pack of pleasuring condoms, a bottle of KY sensual lube, and two colorful thongs. As I'm scanning these, she leans in and whispers, "I love toys." FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 702

You deserved it 3 516

Getting on

By Anonymous - 01/05/2021 23:00

Today, I realized that I’m old, and that it’s been too long since I had sex or even masturbated. How did I notice? Because I tried to, and I found out I couldn’t comfortably spread my legs that far anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 065

You deserved it 288

By Imretarded - 24/05/2009 05:18 - United States

Today, I saw my mom naked as she came out of the shower. I realized that's the first time I've ever seen a naked woman. I'm a 24 year old guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 960

You deserved it 13 573

By Megannn - 01/05/2012 23:43 - United States

Today, I was in a gas station bathroom attempting to buy a condom from the machine on the wall. A woman who smelled of cat piss walked in, and I got embarrassed so I fled into a stall. She then started a conversation with me about "the good old days" from the next stall over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 922

You deserved it 3 700

Wobble wobble

By Dr.Octopus454 - 07/10/2011 14:58 - United Kingdom

Today, working as a life guard, I walked through the changing room to go back to the pool. On the way, a naked old man started up a conversation with me. We talked for 10 minutes about pool chemicals, while his penis wobbled around with every small movement. This happens all the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 145

You deserved it 3 628

Extreme bathtimes

By Anonymous - 15/10/2024 05:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I am a silly man who thought I could still get in and out of the bath at 76 years-old, even though I have only had showers for the past 15 years. So, when I got stuck in the bath, I had to call my poor wife to come and help my naked ass stand up, and yes, she asked me to write this for laughs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 512

You deserved it 124

Romance is dead

By Anonymous - 10/10/2022 18:30 - Turkey

Today, my girlfriend and I haven't had sex for a long time, so when she got out of the shower I was ready on our bed to finally do it. Her response? "Really? Now? I just got out of the shower." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 501

You deserved it 491

By Anonymous - 23/11/2015 14:19 - Australia - Applecross

Today, I was washing my boobs in the shower when I caught my reflection in the mirror. I got super turned on at the sight of my large breasts all soaped up. I'm a man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 678

You deserved it 9 934

Cosy chat

By sick and awkward - 20/05/2012 06:11 - United States - Silver Spring

Today, I was really sick. I had been sneezing all day and my skin had started to dry out. When my mom asked me if I needed anything, I immediately responded with "lotion and tissues," not realizing what I was suggesting. She then talked to me for 20 minutes about how "masturbation is okay." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 343

You deserved it 3 584

How could you?

By Anonymous - 29/03/2024 10:00 - United States

Today, my mom walked in on me jerking it in her bathroom. I'm a 40 year-old man and she's 68. FML

I agree, your life sucks 186

You deserved it 842

maiden_girl 5

Saturday 14 February 2009 13:16

Wow.... that really did just go from MILF to GILF... lol.

podrummer9209 0

Monday 23 March 2009 3:45

Yeah dude. Wait til you hit three years and the holes in the middle of CDs make you start wishing your dick was smaller.

Comments

afallingstar 22

Tuesday 8 June 2010 17:31

got a granny fetish?

lorenzobalderas 0

Saturday 12 June 2010 21:44

dude WTF that's kinda weird that old lasts in bubble baths tern u on that's sick and if u get layed then it would be different

lyricjustice 0

Saturday 17 July 2010 4:16

that's really nasty

hellokittywhore 0

Friday 23 July 2010 1:35

What....The ****? O_O Grannys Gone Wild Videos? OH GOD BAD IMAGES!!!!!! >_< get out of my mindd!!!!!!!!!!!!

jussjess 0

Friday 23 July 2010 12:03

Whoa. Haha. Can you say desperate much? Lol. Well, hey, atleast it was a woman, yeah? :)

DiGiiT 0

Friday 30 July 2010 2:07

WTF is this.. the opposite of a pedophile? a odepphile I suppose

rudeintent 0

Monday 2 August 2010 5:28

your right hands never says no

alissa_roar 6

Sunday 20 March 2011 10:43

Very good point.

jokerman7734 0

Monday 16 August 2010 1:20

then ur gay.......or married

iamsam2 3

Monday 30 August 2010 20:52

ino right 54 -.-" bleh

B4SK3TB4IL 0

Sunday 12 September 2010 4:11

22 months 2 weeks 3 days 4 hours 10 minutes and 17 seconds

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my girlfriend was sick for the fourth day in a row. I stopped by her house to check on her and bring some necessities, only to find her ex's truck in the driveway, and the sounds of some very intense love making coming from inside. I guess she's not that sick after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 882

You deserved it 552

Today, I hit a dead deer that had been left in the middle of the road. My car started to make a funny noise and smell, so I pulled over to check it, thinking I blew the tire on some antlers. The deer had got stuck in my front wheel, and I'd dragged it more than a mile. And it wasn't actually dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 183

You deserved it 46 377

The Top

Today, if I try to hurry my wife out of the house before she's ready, she yells at me and we end up not going out, and yet if I leave her to get ready for as long as she needs we are ALWAYS late for our reservation, so we lose the table and she yells at me for not telling her how late we are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 469

You deserved it 190

Today, at a party, my three friends and I thought it would be fun to urinate in a jug. We dislike the neighbours, so decided to throw the contents of the jug over the fence into their garden. It hit a tree and splashed back. I ended up covered in our piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 960

You deserved it 188 763

Today, while working at a chain restaurant, I forgot to charge someone a few dollars for extra toppings on the side. My stingy boss took the time to take that money out of my paycheck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 821

You deserved it 638

Today, the guy who confessed his love for me also confessed that in his rage, he almost shot the last girl who broke his heart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 958

You deserved it 2 921

Today, my identical twin sister got in trouble for sneaking out of the house to see her boyfriend. My father decided to ground both of us, because it would be "too confusing" for him otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 557

You deserved it 5 099

Today, I was sick and laid up in bed, and my boyfriend decided to bring me some soup. Just as he reached the bed, he tripped over his own feet and spilled the soup all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 537

You deserved it 3 443