Animals: Today, I woke up at 3:00 am to the sound of a bird screeching....

By In urgent need of a new roommate - 26/03/2014 23:44 - United States - West Linn

Today, I woke up at 3:00 am to the sound of a bird screeching. Turns out, my roommate bought a parrot without consulting me first. Even better, my roommate expects me to pay for half of the bird's expenses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 549

You deserved it 3 365

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Same thing different taste

By sweetie808 - 28/01/2016 08:39 - United States - Kailua Kona

Today, around 12 a.m., my pet parrot said a sentence I've never heard him say before. Usually this would be exciting, but considering he said, 'I killed the bird', and that one of my two love birds mysteriously died a few days ago, it's safe to say I'm now terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 758

You deserved it 1 785

Polly wanna latte

By Anonymous - 20/11/2023 12:00 - United Kingdom - Swansea

Today, I thought I'd make my own coffee at home to save money. As I was grinding the beans, my flatmate's pet parrot decided to join the party and imitate the noise of the coffee grinder. For an hour. I ended up with a headache, a half-finished cup of coffee, and a parrot that now thinks it's a barista. FML

I agree, your life sucks 444

You deserved it 153

Late reaction

By "chris_lillo" - 31/01/2020 18:00 - United States - Waco

Today I bought a new cage, along with some toys, for my bird. I came home to find my bird had escaped its old cage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 803

You deserved it 212

By Anonymous - 17/06/2013 20:07 - United States

Today, I returned home from a month long trip overseas to find that my bird sitter has trained my parrot to whisper, "You're going to die" in a sinister voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 758

You deserved it 7 000

Suspicious minds

By abusedparrot - 24/08/2014 12:40 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, the police knocked on my door, saying that they needed to investigate my house for animal abuse. Apparently the neighbours called, reporting a "screeching bird in pain". I have no bird, but I have been singing quite loudly recently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 257

You deserved it 6 137

By Anonymous - 09/06/2016 19:39 - Germany - Munich

Today, I have to look after my best friend's parrot for a few days. One minute out of the room, I came back in to find out that the parrot had taught my three-year-old the word "slut". Now the two won't stop screaming "slut" throughout the whole house. My wife thinks both learned the word from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 222

You deserved it 1 156

Impressive

By Anonymous - 19/03/2009 02:57 - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. In his front room was a giant parrot. Hoping to impress them, I went over to the bird and began talking to it proving I wasn't scared. Out of nowhere, it's beak clenched onto my nose making it gush blood on the carpet. I was hospitalized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 428

You deserved it 19 340

Freedom!

By Anonymous - 27/08/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, I was showing off my new pet bird to my friends over video chat. I opened the cage to demonstrate how friendly he was. Instead of perching on my finger like usual, he flew out the window. I spent the next hour chasing him around the neighborhood in my pajamas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 123

You deserved it 500

By 4am blues - 13/07/2015 04:39 - United States - Lehigh Acres

Today, my cat thought it was appropriate to bring a bird into the house at 4 a.m.; the bird thought it was appropriate to attack my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 338

You deserved it 2 564

Sky the killer

By omnomnom - 05/02/2011 00:29 - Canada

Today, I bought a pretty blue parakeet to keep my parrot company, and named her Sky. I went to work a few hours later. When I came home that night, I found my parrot dead. There wasn't a huge mess to clean, though; Sky had already eaten half of his corpse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 083

You deserved it 8 044

acerredrum 23

Thursday 27 March 2014 8:36

Tell him okay but when you move out you expect half the bird.

DrownedMyFish 18

Thursday 27 March 2014 8:42

Hopefully you toucan settle this situation without it getting anymore hawkward than it already is.

Comments

Yeshua_fml 19

Thursday 27 March 2014 8:43

Kill it and keep the bird.

Infamous_Tora 12

Thursday 27 March 2014 10:10

I am curious, did you read your comment before you validated it?

iLike2Teabag 27

Thursday 27 March 2014 11:20

Maybe he means "it" as in the roommate.

junkman6 22

Thursday 27 March 2014 12:15

#32 did you read 12s comment before you validated? It's a pretty blatant smart ass remark about the roommate.

DrownedMyFish 18

Thursday 27 March 2014 8:44

Hopefully you toucan settle this situation.

PenguinBitch 43

Thursday 27 March 2014 17:45

You said that already.

Capitan 15

Thursday 27 March 2014 8:44

Sell half the ownership to someone else, therefore it stays at their place half the time. Win win right?

underthesea12 24

Thursday 27 March 2014 8:47

shake n bake!

Raging_hamster 5

Thursday 27 March 2014 8:49

You could always teach it to say horrible things to your roommate...

ziya1999 12

Thursday 27 March 2014 8:51

Ahahahaha XD Thats one helluva room mate!

DippinGrizzly907 27

Thursday 27 March 2014 8:59

Hey, dirty deeds done dirt cheap!! Just look at my pic OP!

alicat13 12

Thursday 27 March 2014 9:09

Chirp your room mate! Tell them no!

fooltemptress 36

Thursday 27 March 2014 9:09

Teach it to curse and say insulting things about your roommate when they have friends over.

Blastoid 13

Thursday 27 March 2014 9:09

Don't you know about the bird? Everybody knows that the bird is a word Baby, bird, bird, bird Bird is the word Well, everybody's heard about the bird..