Love: Today, I woke up at my girlfriend's house. She was staring at... - FML

By bTOhno - 13/08/2011 06:37 - United States

Today, I woke up at my girlfriend's house. She was staring at me, holding a knife over my face. She ran away, giggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 058

You deserved it 4 732

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Same thing different taste

By joe - 31/01/2009 23:14 - United States

Today, my girlfriend snuck up behind me to cover my eyes and play "guess who." The second her hands touched my face, I grabbed her, twisted her wrists, and kneed her to the floor out of instinct. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 713

You deserved it 26 844

By Anonymous - 13/08/2019 02:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was helping tidy up after my girlfriend's flat warming. I went to put a sharp kitchen knife in the sink while she was washing dishes, and stabbed her in the finger instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 133

You deserved it 989

It was an accident!

By innocent - 06/01/2014 21:32 - Australia

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 016

You deserved it 7 503

By permanently scarred - 25/08/2018 15:00

Today, I was assaulted and knocked out by a girl at school for talking to her boyfriend. I woke up in the emergency room. After she knocked me unconscious, she took a knife and carved her initials into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 943

You deserved it 259

Spooked

By awkwardpartybear - 04/01/2014 23:43 - United States - West Palm Beach

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to a figure holding a knife above me. After I screamed in terror, the figure burst into laughter. It was my mom. She did this as payback for me not washing the dishes last night after making food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 852

You deserved it 17 637

By ouch - 16/06/2016 10:14 - United States - Livonia

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. She was so angry, she stabbed me in the hand with a plastic fork. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 384

You deserved it 2 016

By happybidet - 31/10/2016 13:02 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend woke me with a surprise up on my birthday. Unfortunately, it was her screaming at the top of her lungs and punching me in the face because of a nightmare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 720

You deserved it 881

By RomanceFail - 02/04/2015 12:51 - United States - Crestwood

Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 041

You deserved it 3 381

By thegirlofthedad - 29/01/2013 09:48 - India - Mumbai

Today, I saw a lady who had fainted. I ran over to help, only to find out that she was unstable and had a knife in her hand. She was pointing it at me, and growled threateningly every time I tried to move away. It took the cops an hour to defuse the situation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 675

You deserved it 2 808

By Anonymous - 28/10/2015 15:09 - United States

Today, I woke up to the sound of footsteps outside my room. I investigated but found nothing. As I went back to my room, I heard a sort of giggling from inside. I was so scared, I grabbed my car keys, got the fuck out of there, and drove to my girlfriend's house in my pajamas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 630

You deserved it 3 138

Next

Top comments

PandaPi 0

Saturday 13 August 2011 12:32

Check if your wang is still there!!!!!!

Accept 11

Saturday 13 August 2011 12:28

No, that's not creepy at all. o.o (Sarcasm)

Comments

juston_p 1

Saturday 13 August 2011 21:03

Don't you mean ex girlfriend?

hiLife808 0

Saturday 13 August 2011 21:07

Did you check if your genitals were still attatched? :/

Camilleee_fml 7

Saturday 13 August 2011 21:09

Time to maybe get a new girlfriend. . .

WTFitsBob 4

Saturday 13 August 2011 22:00

um..I think breaking up with her would make it even worse. If I were in that situation I would change my name and move somewhere very far away.

pepelittle9 0

Saturday 13 August 2011 22:01

XOX omfg serial killer in the making MABEY? I'd get to f**k out of the country

jlh2283 1

Saturday 13 August 2011 22:02

Break up! But first have choke sex it seems she is demented enough to enjoy it! That's psycho active right there!

nkthompson 0

Saturday 13 August 2011 22:10

Well when she finally attempts to kill you (if she fails) she can plead insanity and you just FML'd a good example, one more crazy let free, Let's all thank him now

balljoints 8

Saturday 13 August 2011 22:29

Sleep lightly...VERY lightly...

tj4234 35

Saturday 13 August 2011 22:49

by any chance, is your girlfriends favourite film 'the shining'?

theonlysweetpea 10

Saturday 13 August 2011 23:25

Leave her!

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Relatable Embarrassing Awkward Health Love Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Work Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Friends Gross Fight Public freakouts Drugs Neighbours Cops Medication Animals Dogs Teenagers Ironic

The Top

Today, at my sister's engagement party, my cousins thought it would be funny to get my nanna drunk. They regretted it when she told them, and everyone else at the party about her sex life and how she fakes orgasms with my grandpa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 294

You deserved it 9 653

Today, I told my wife I had a huge Zoom interview and could not be disturbed under any circumstances. Nevertheless, she called her mom, got into a screaming argument the interviewer could clearly hear, then came into my office to cry on my shoulder. She doesn't understand why I'm furious with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 582

You deserved it 72

The Top

Today, I received a tip in Monopoly money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 854

You deserved it 147

Today, I had a lovely day, right up until the moment I got home, went to change my pad, and realised that sometime in the last two hours, somewhere between the library and this moment, my pad had somehow… fallen out. So somewhere out there my bloody pad is… just there. What if someone saw? FML

I agree, your life sucks 492

You deserved it 112

Today, I explained to my husband how much it bothers me when he constantly talks about one of his coworkers. He listened closely, never interrupted me, and seemed genuinely sorry afterwards. While he was consoling me and telling me that he'll stop, he called me by her name… three different times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 643

You deserved it 61

Today, in an attempt to spice things up a bit, my boyfriend and I discovered he takes it in the butt better than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 329

You deserved it 4 325

Today, I met my boyfriend's mom for the first time. She pulls out a freezer bag full of condoms and says "I have some cooler ones upstairs, if you want his penis to glow in the dark." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 896

You deserved it 4 608

Today, we're having my grandmother over. Because we don't have a guest room, she is sleeping in mine. It is 25°C at night and she is sleeping naked with her dog right next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 022

You deserved it 365