Intimacy: Today, I woke up from a nap to hear my roommate having some intimate...

By Anonymous - 10/07/2009 21:59 - Iraq

Today, I woke up from a nap to hear my roommate having some intimate time with his hand. The slopping and slurping sounds along with the girly man squeal as he finished haunted me all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 884

You deserved it 4 282

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
Enjoy Christmas stories where unexpected gifts and family reunions create lasting memories... and fun! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By idontwanttoknow - 16/06/2013 11:37 - United States

Today, I heard my roommate moaning my name in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 120

You deserved it 6 917

By anon - 15/09/2012 05:35 - United States - Rocklin

Today, I woke up to the sound of my neighbor pleasuring himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 435

You deserved it 2 729

By Anonymous - 07/11/2009 16:24 - United States

Today, I wanted to sleep in after a rough week, only to be woken up by my roommate's sex screams and the pounding of her bed against the wall. Earplugs did not help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 848

You deserved it 2 434

Frustrated

By skipper - 12/02/2009 17:25 - United States

Today, I listened to my roommate having sex from 3 a.m. until 6 a.m. When I looked over at my girlfriend, who must have thought I was sleeping, I noticed she was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 814

You deserved it 12 091

Zzzzzzzz

By turnedintoinsomniac - 21/01/2011 19:46 - United States

Today, after months of living with my roommate's horrific snoring, I looked over to see her sleeping quietly. Elated that I might actually get a full night of rest for once, I went to bed. Just as my eyelids began to droop, she started making vile hissing sounds. Yes, hissing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 509

You deserved it 2 868

By D: - 06/10/2013 17:13 - France - Paris

Today, I woke up to my creepy new roommate licking my cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 409

You deserved it 3 899

MY EARS! MY EARS!

By ashbeat - 01/01/2013 15:20 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I can hear my flatmate masturbating loudly and asking himself if he likes it. And replying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 641

You deserved it 4 401

By lunarboy - 17/02/2009 00:24 - United States

Today, I decided to watch some porn before bed. The lights were off and my roommate was already asleep behind me. I put on my noise-canceling headphones and turned up the volume all the way. After a few strokes my roommate got up and plugged in the headphones for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 704

You deserved it 68 953

Lock your doors

By Anonymous - 27/05/2019 00:14

Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 477

You deserved it 764

By Dirty_Mind_69 - 20/07/2013 08:35 - United States - Shreveport

Today, I came home from work to my hot roommate cooking and wearing nothing but an apron. She pulled me into her room and things went great. At least, they did before I woke up in the break room with my coworkers and boss all gathered around, listening to me talking in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 220

You deserved it 9 936

papertigers_fml 0

Saturday 11 July 2009 1:30

girly man squeal, lol.

excusemydust 0

Saturday 11 July 2009 1:44

I think the words 'slopping' and 'slurping', as well as the phrase 'girly man squeal' are vivid enough alone to haunt me.

Comments

Hurleygal 0

Wednesday 22 July 2009 18:31

you should write a book about it i litarally fell on the ground laughing y would he be doin tat wen he knows u can wake up any moment those are just desparet people

is_it_in 0

Friday 24 July 2009 9:00

lol sounds like me my freshman year of college

lolatflyingducks 0

Friday 7 August 2009 6:03

"Girly man squeal" I would have been terrified.

aussiegirl1990 0

Tuesday 22 September 2009 16:35

"girly man squeal" OMG I just had a laughing fit. Still man FYL Jessica

HarperGirl 4

Thursday 19 November 2009 3:53

funy

MadJester 0

Monday 30 November 2009 23:57

LMFAO @ Girly man squeal

lolrofl818 0

Tuesday 2 March 2010 0:18

lol i would have helped him no joke that would have gotten me horny........

jonnyplayzaguita 0

Saturday 20 March 2010 7:30

your roommate is nasty

IAM_MCLOVIN 0

Saturday 1 May 2010 8:33

wow this is... probably the funniest thing ive read on here SO FAR. this makes me want to continue reading the other posts.... i seriously just made this account just to be able to comment how awesome the comments are on this post.. girl knobs and vividness... ROFL.. epic man.. epic.