Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up in bed with a one-night stand. We got really...

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By paulinapo - 30/05/2013 01:53 - United States - Staten Island

Today, I woke up in bed with a one-night stand. We got really drunk the night before so I went to make a hangover-cure breakfast. Apparently he was so drunk that he didn't remember me, and when he came to the kitchen, he knocked me out with a pan and called the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 364

You deserved it 9 841

Summer: Sun, Sea and Blunders
Summer anecdotes where the sun shines... and blunders are never far away! More…

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Same thing different taste

By Matt - 13/07/2012 19:06 - United States

Today, I woke up in a daze after a long night drinking. I felt a subtle nudge on my shoulder. I was at my ex-girlfriend's house, passed out on top of her, with no pants on. Her dad was, in so many words, informing me that I had to leave immediately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 349

You deserved it 57 836

By TheOtherWoman - 20/07/2009 07:10 - United States

Today, the guy I've been sleeping with for the last three weeks got really drunk. I drove him home from the party and took care of him. At 2am he asked for the phone. When I asked what for, he said he wanted to drunk dial his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 051

You deserved it 12 807

It's funny because it's true

By screwed - 22/05/2009 00:18 - United States

Today, after a night of drinking, I woke up with some chips in my bed. I thought it was funny so I went to tell my roommate. Her response was, "That's so funny! It's a typical night out for the two of us. I wake up the next morning with a boy in my bed and you wake up with food in yours." FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 793

You deserved it 12 682

By Anonymous - 28/08/2019 00:01 - Australia - Darwin

Today, I woke up in the shower at my coworker's house, with my clothes on and soaking wet. Apparently, the night before I drank too much and punched my best friend. The sad part is, I passed out on the couch, but somehow ended up in the shower, facing the wrong way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 571

You deserved it 1 902

By Anonymous - 31/05/2012 19:03 - Canada

Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 637

You deserved it 34 459

Drunk hookup ends with a… bang

By Anonymous - 14/10/2019 12:00

Today, I woke myself up by farting in my sleep, only to realize that the guy I'd brought home from the bar was still next to me. He was awake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 490

You deserved it 557

By scatter00x - 08/02/2009 05:39 - United States

Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out, she opened her eyes and said, "Oh, it's you." Then got up and walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 106

You deserved it 7 099

Occam's razor

By anonymous - 12/02/2011 05:48 - Canada

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. Groggy and disoriented, I bumped into several pieces of furniture and made a lot of noise. My dad woke up, mistook me for a burglar, and knocked me out with his fist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 831

You deserved it 4 722

By geniusdrunk - 09/08/2019 02:00

Today, after a month of sobriety, I woke up in my ex-girlfriend's house with absolutely no recollection as to how I got there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 427

You deserved it 720

With friends like these…

By marz88 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, a friend of mine got a bit drunk, but said she was fine and didn't feel drunk at all. I took her keys anyway and said she could sleep on my bed, while I slept on the floor next to the bed. I was rudely woken up in the middle of the night to her rolling over and vomiting on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 107

You deserved it 7 253

Wizardo 33

Thursday 30 May 2013 10:12

"Pans! Who knew, right?"

purebliss_fml 19

Thursday 30 May 2013 10:17

That's an awkward morning-after. Did you do the walk of shame home from the police station?

Comments

GrinchFu1 27

Thursday 30 May 2013 10:24

I'll bet cash money this isn't the first time he's done this, or something like it anyway! I understand his tactic... I mean, who the hell would would wanna keep talking to a guy after he did this!?! Don't let him get off that easy. Go back tomorrow!!!

armoso231 7

Thursday 30 May 2013 10:26

One night stands are a communist scheme

KTBulldog 10

Thursday 30 May 2013 10:27

Am I the only one who thought of Tangled?

GrinchFu1 27

Thursday 30 May 2013 10:58

No!!!

SherlockHolmes69 7

Thursday 30 May 2013 10:33

A woman in the kitchen making eggs and bacon for you, who would want to ruin that ???

livewire1701 8

Thursday 30 May 2013 10:33

That's what happens when you let alcohol make decisions for you. Drink less and learn when to keep your legs closed.

Cheeley 17

Thursday 30 May 2013 10:41

Hopefully it wasn't the pan that had your breakfast in it.

buckdharma 37

Thursday 30 May 2013 10:42

Hello darkness, my old friend I've come to talk to you again Because as I was softly creeping making food while he was sleeping The vision of a skillet that was planted in my brain still remains Within the sound of sirens