Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up in bed with a one-night stand. We got really...

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By paulinapo - 30/05/2013 01:53 - United States - Staten Island

Today, I woke up in bed with a one-night stand. We got really drunk the night before so I went to make a hangover-cure breakfast. Apparently he was so drunk that he didn't remember me, and when he came to the kitchen, he knocked me out with a pan and called the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 356

You deserved it 9 840

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Same thing different taste

Waste moment

By Anonymous - 10/02/2020 20:00

Today, I went out drinking with my friends and my boyfriend met me there. We decided then to come home and planned an intimate moment. I got on top of him and went to kiss his neck. Next thing I know, I fell asleep right before we started. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 004

You deserved it 1 359

By Matt - 13/07/2012 19:06 - United States

Today, I woke up in a daze after a long night drinking. I felt a subtle nudge on my shoulder. I was at my ex-girlfriend's house, passed out on top of her, with no pants on. Her dad was, in so many words, informing me that I had to leave immediately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 346

You deserved it 57 827

By TheOtherWoman - 20/07/2009 07:10 - United States

Today, the guy I've been sleeping with for the last three weeks got really drunk. I drove him home from the party and took care of him. At 2am he asked for the phone. When I asked what for, he said he wanted to drunk dial his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 040

You deserved it 12 803

It's funny because it's true

By screwed - 22/05/2009 00:18 - United States

Today, after a night of drinking, I woke up with some chips in my bed. I thought it was funny so I went to tell my roommate. Her response was, "That's so funny! It's a typical night out for the two of us. I wake up the next morning with a boy in my bed and you wake up with food in yours." FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 780

You deserved it 12 680

By Anonymous - 28/08/2019 00:01 - Australia - Darwin

Today, I woke up in the shower at my coworker's house, with my clothes on and soaking wet. Apparently, the night before I drank too much and punched my best friend. The sad part is, I passed out on the couch, but somehow ended up in the shower, facing the wrong way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 571

You deserved it 1 899

By Anonymous - 31/05/2012 19:03 - Canada

Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 633

You deserved it 34 449

Drunk hookup ends with a… bang

By Anonymous - 14/10/2019 12:00

Today, I woke myself up by farting in my sleep, only to realize that the guy I'd brought home from the bar was still next to me. He was awake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 485

You deserved it 555

By scatter00x - 08/02/2009 05:39 - United States

Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out, she opened her eyes and said, "Oh, it's you." Then got up and walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 101

You deserved it 7 098

Occam's razor

By anonymous - 12/02/2011 05:48 - Canada

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. Groggy and disoriented, I bumped into several pieces of furniture and made a lot of noise. My dad woke up, mistook me for a burglar, and knocked me out with his fist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 825

You deserved it 4 721

By geniusdrunk - 09/08/2019 02:00

Today, after a month of sobriety, I woke up in my ex-girlfriend's house with absolutely no recollection as to how I got there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 422

You deserved it 715

Wizardo 33

Thursday 30 May 2013 10:12

"Pans! Who knew, right?"

purebliss_fml 19

Thursday 30 May 2013 10:17

That's an awkward morning-after. Did you do the walk of shame home from the police station?

Comments

Samus_16 4

Thursday 30 May 2013 15:50

That is so wrong of him to hit you with a pan. I would love to have you in my kitchen.

sugarbear0727 19

Thursday 30 May 2013 15:59

That sucks. I would've left though, not invited myself to make breakfast.

glamorous18 10

Thursday 30 May 2013 16:00

why would you make breakfast for a one night stand anyways?? you're supposed to leave in the morning. that's why it's called a one night stand, not a boyfriend. duhh.

UsernameAnxiety 14

Thursday 30 May 2013 16:02

Sounds like a pantastic time.

dj041392 9

Thursday 30 May 2013 16:46

Why would you cook a one night stand breakfast...?

TheyCallMeDamien 17

Thursday 30 May 2013 18:08

You might want to lay off the sauce.

LeeCards 8

Thursday 30 May 2013 18:23

At least he didn't have a gun in the oven.

Memen88 16

Thursday 30 May 2013 19:35

you definitely should have left before he woke up

Omniprism 14

Thursday 30 May 2013 20:03

He's a dumbass. He could have at least asked why you were making breakfast if he thought you were a burglar. Hope that it stays a one night stand for your sake.