Intimacy: Today, I woke up next to the girl I had drunk intercourse with...

By prayforme - 11/11/2009 01:52 - United States

Today, I woke up next to the girl I had drunk intercourse with last night. Before we got it on, I noticed a package of birth control pills on her nightstand. Because of this, I felt no need to use a condom, or pull out. When I woke up, I noticed those "pills" were actually a makeup case. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 052

You deserved it 63 222

November 11: Memories and smiles
Historical anecdotes with a light touch to commemorate with a respectful smile. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Jake - 02/10/2012 11:52 - United States - Athens

Today, I woke up with a used condom on my face. Turns out my roommate had sex with his girlfriend during the night and instead of getting up and throwing it away, he decided to throw it across the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 598

You deserved it 2 811

Some people are so... creative.

By Anonymous - 17/02/2018 06:00

Today, my girlfriend told me that she's pregnant. She'd told me she was on birth control, so I asked her to show me. She had been sticking the pills up her vagina like a suppository. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 413

You deserved it 1 587

By anonymous - 08/01/2015 19:10 - United States - Noblesville

Today, after getting into bed, I found a used condom under my covers. I asked my roommate about it. She freely admitted that since my bed was comfier than hers, she had sex with her boyfriend on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 125

You deserved it 3 368

By Anonymous - 16/11/2009 00:52 - Canada

Today, I found out that I'm going to be a mother. This was a mystery, since I take birth control and use condoms all the time. Or, at least, it was, until my mother admitted to swapping my pills and poking holes in my condoms so she could have a grandchild before she died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 130

You deserved it 4 187

Yeet it

By Anonymous - 22/05/2020 05:00

Today, I found out that even though my girlfriend is on the pill, and even though my girlfriend took emergency contraception, she became pregnant days after the first time we had sex without a condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 360

You deserved it 1 169

I don't understand!

By Anonymous - 28/11/2019 18:00 - Canada

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for cumming inside her because she did not want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 014

You deserved it 639

By SimpleSimon - 01/07/2009 00:14 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to work leaving my girlfriend asleep in my bed. Later she calls me demanding to know how long I've been cheating on her. We don't use condoms but she found several in the bin when she decided to empty it. I had to explain while my colleagues listened that I use them to masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 300

You deserved it 19 721

By Anonymous - 31/07/2012 03:36 - United States - Chicago

Today, I whacked off with a condom on and left it in the living room waste basket so it looked like I finally had sex with someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 449

You deserved it 42 552

Precaution

By Tai - 31/10/2010 13:30 - Australia

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for coming inside her because she didn't want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 585

You deserved it 9 943

By KaraAnn17 - 12/02/2011 16:29 - United States

Today, I found out that the white marks on my pillow aren't from me drooling in my sleep like I originally thought. My roommate used my pillow to help support her lower back during intercourse with her hookup from last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 335

You deserved it 3 546

SMG227 0

Wednesday 11 November 2009 9:04

YDI for calling it "intercourse"

buddy51 23

Wednesday 11 November 2009 10:20

Welcome to the wonderful world of AIDS!

Comments

SMG227 0

Wednesday 11 November 2009 9:04

YDI for calling it "intercourse"

greendaygirl999 5

Monday 22 March 2010 9:03

Ahaha I agree with 1

greendaygirl999 5

Monday 22 March 2010 9:05

Also YDI for having your username be "prayforme" when it was your own ******* fault. Not even the pope would pray for you

My2864 1

Monday 7 June 2010 1:34

1- you disabled all comments cuz you couldnt be more right

Clare420 0

Tuesday 8 June 2010 7:28

yep! thank god for plan B pill!!

Gfrigo 1

Saturday 19 June 2010 3:25

looks like ur gonna have to pull a hit and run or smash and dash...

TheOptimist 0

Thursday 18 November 2010 8:09

I would laugh if she was on the pill anyway, and she still got pregnant. Do packets of the pill really look that much like a make up bag?

Ketchup_Castle 30

Monday 5 September 2011 3:23

Haha, agreed.

sonicmega 3

Wednesday 11 November 2009 9:06

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

MrCatman1125 2

Saturday 10 November 2012 9:28

He didn't rape her.

GnaR_KiLL5150 12

Tuesday 14 October 2014 15:24

Where did you get rape from?

shay_serendipity 29

Monday 17 November 2014 3:38

Besides the whole 'rape' thing, where the **** did you get raping babies from??

Metzfactor 5

Thursday 26 October 2017 2:44

rape?

anonacs 0

Wednesday 11 November 2009 9:07

Morning after pill if your that concerned.

Harrywhat 0

Wednesday 11 November 2009 9:14

Smooth move Romeo.

natsaysheyyy 16

Wednesday 13 March 2013 22:02

OP, seriously? What if she had an STD? YDI times a million!

Bloodknight 22

Wednesday 11 November 2009 9:28

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

boog_fml 7

Wednesday 11 November 2009 9:30

stupid!

veliki 0

Wednesday 11 November 2009 9:58

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

buddy51 23

Wednesday 11 November 2009 10:20

Welcome to the wonderful world of AIDS!

Shegs 0

Wednesday 11 November 2009 10:33

congrats daddy!!!

alphaxzero 0

Wednesday 11 November 2009 10:42

awwww snap! u got the AIDS!

Keywords

Miscellaneous Neighbours Awkward Wanker Lonely Halloween Jealousy Love Party Family Argument Fight Animals Cats Parents Health Embarrassing Sports Shopping Medication Birds Anger issues Weddings YouTube TikTok Pranks Dogs Cute AITA Work

The Top

Today, I was eating lunch naked at my home watching porn on the big screen. I heard the garage door opening meaning my roommate was coming home. In my haste to get dressed, I fell back in the barstool I was sitting in and knocked myself out. I woke up still naked and with lettuce all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 248

You deserved it 79 267

Today, I got up extra early to curl my hair because I wanted to look nice at school for a change. After coming downstairs my mom yells at me and says, "See, when you don't wake up on time your hair looks like that. You could have at least combed it!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 904

You deserved it 5 999

The Top

Today, the guy I was hopelessly crushing on 4 years ago who told me, and I quote, “I’d rather stab my dick with pins & needles and dip it in lemon juice than go out with Miss Piggy.” is now saying, “Wow, hun you look great! You know, I always liked you, can we give it another shot?” I’ve lost 65 pounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 791

You deserved it 205

Today, I found out my 97-year-old Grandma has an imaginary 30-year-old boyfriend. I laughed until my mom said, "She's still doing better than you. You don't even have an imaginary boyfriend, let alone a real one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 178

You deserved it 10 051

Today, I realized my cat has a foot fetish. She keeps randomly flopping over on my feet while I'm walking, and will lick my toes if I am barefooted. I have absolutely no idea where this came from, but it makes me super uncomfortable. Even my other cat looks at her like she's gone insane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 787

You deserved it 164

Today, I was late for work and got chewed out by my boss. To console myself I decided to drink a cup of coffee and a cup of tea. My work provides this for free. When I did, my boss told me that in fact it wasn't, nor has it ever been, free; all this time I've been stealing other people's coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 880

You deserved it 32 665

Today, the guy I have been seeing for 3 months said, "Sorry this isn’t going anywhere, but I want to stay friends because I wanna come back and hang out with your parents." He literally only stayed with me because I live on a farm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 628

You deserved it 177

Today, I finally found out what the weird sour smell that's been in my dorm room for a while is. My roommate's sweat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 508

You deserved it 2 970

Same thing different taste

Some people are so... creative.

Yeet it

I don't understand!

Precaution

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