Intimacy: Today, I woke up next to the girl I had drunk intercourse with...

By prayforme - 11/11/2009 01:52 - United States

Today, I woke up next to the girl I had drunk intercourse with last night. Before we got it on, I noticed a package of birth control pills on her nightstand. Because of this, I felt no need to use a condom, or pull out. When I woke up, I noticed those "pills" were actually a makeup case. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 052

You deserved it 63 232

The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Jake - 02/10/2012 11:52 - United States - Athens

Today, I woke up with a used condom on my face. Turns out my roommate had sex with his girlfriend during the night and instead of getting up and throwing it away, he decided to throw it across the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 610

You deserved it 2 812

Some people are so... creative.

By Anonymous - 17/02/2018 06:00

Today, my girlfriend told me that she's pregnant. She'd told me she was on birth control, so I asked her to show me. She had been sticking the pills up her vagina like a suppository. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 415

You deserved it 1 589

By anonymous - 08/01/2015 19:10 - United States - Noblesville

Today, after getting into bed, I found a used condom under my covers. I asked my roommate about it. She freely admitted that since my bed was comfier than hers, she had sex with her boyfriend on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 143

You deserved it 3 371

By Anonymous - 16/11/2009 00:52 - Canada

Today, I found out that I'm going to be a mother. This was a mystery, since I take birth control and use condoms all the time. Or, at least, it was, until my mother admitted to swapping my pills and poking holes in my condoms so she could have a grandchild before she died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 132

You deserved it 4 188

Yeet it

By Anonymous - 22/05/2020 05:00

Today, I found out that even though my girlfriend is on the pill, and even though my girlfriend took emergency contraception, she became pregnant days after the first time we had sex without a condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 363

You deserved it 1 169

I don't understand!

By Anonymous - 28/11/2019 18:00 - Canada

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for cumming inside her because she did not want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 020

You deserved it 639

Whispers

By SimpleSimon - 01/07/2009 00:14 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to work leaving my girlfriend asleep in my bed. Later she calls me, demanding to know how long I've been cheating on her. We don't use condoms but she found several in the bin when she decided to empty it. I had to explain while my colleagues listened that I use them to masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 340

You deserved it 19 748

By Anonymous - 31/07/2012 03:36 - United States - Chicago

Today, I whacked off with a condom on and left it in the living room waste basket so it looked like I finally had sex with someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 451

You deserved it 42 555

Precaution

By Tai - 31/10/2010 13:30 - Australia

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for coming inside her because she didn't want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 590

You deserved it 9 944

By KaraAnn17 - 12/02/2011 16:29 - United States

Today, I found out that the white marks on my pillow aren't from me drooling in my sleep like I originally thought. My roommate used my pillow to help support her lower back during intercourse with her hookup from last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 342

You deserved it 3 546

SMG227 0

Wednesday 11 November 2009 9:04

YDI for calling it "intercourse"

buddy51 23

Wednesday 11 November 2009 10:20

Welcome to the wonderful world of AIDS!

Comments

atwon 0

Friday 4 December 2009 11:13

Damn, talk about a double take moment. lol

TehOnionUser 0

Friday 4 December 2009 17:12

YDI for... OK, I don't have another logical explanation than for "being simply dumb." If you make a mistake in live, you have to feel the consequences and since you did it knowingly, no mercy for you.

sparkymist 0

Tuesday 8 December 2009 5:45

Dumbass!!!!

SEXY_SEN10R_2010 0

Wednesday 9 December 2009 1:26

Okay, this is a REAL FML right here!!! Sux for u!! Dont be silly! Wrap ur ******* willy dumbass......

SEXY_SEN10R_2010 0

Wednesday 9 December 2009 1:29

Hopefully she took that Plan B pill after that happened???

superkitten_fml 0

Friday 11 December 2009 23:33

Birth control pills don't prevent STIs, should have used a condom anyway. Drunken sex, sorry - "intercourse" - is not good anyway, don't remember it in the morning :D

WhatsUPFool 0

Sunday 13 December 2009 8:47

Always a condom dumbass, go to the clinic NOW.

everyfmlday 0

Tuesday 22 December 2009 20:17

Poor you! Make sure you both go to the doctor now.

delfoxio 0

Friday 8 January 2010 12:32

wow good job numbnuts (or i guess i should say bare nuts). condoms are for more than just birth control--there are STDs too. always wear one unless you REALLY know the girl AND really want to have a baby.