Intimacy: Today, I woke up to a text from a girl I had slept with two nights...

By SterlingSilver91 - 03/09/2011 23:49 - Canada

Today, I woke up to a text from a girl I had slept with two nights ago. It read, "Please don't get mad if you notice a rash on your private parts. Sorry in advance." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 182

You deserved it 42 723

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Rowansgonnarow - 05/07/2014 20:19

Today, a girl I recently slept with messaged me, explaining through a rendition of "Call Me Maybe" that she'd given me chlamydia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 432

You deserved it 15 958

By acw2110 - 20/02/2009 23:25 - United States

Today, I woke up after having had sex with my 4-year crush expecting to find him in bed next to me. Instead, I found my cell phone with a text message from him that said "you should really do something about the pimples on your ass." FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 706

You deserved it 12 049

By Mr. Hopeless - 13/02/2009 21:59 - United States

Today, I texted this girl I really like and she didn't answer. She did about two hours later and it said, "Sorry, I was having sex at the time you texted me. So how are you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 965

You deserved it 4 235

By Anonymous - 28/09/2013 11:44 - United States

Today, I found out this girl I had sex with lied to me. They weren't razor burn bumps. And I now have them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 770

You deserved it 40 327

No. Just… No.

By none - 22/08/2013 04:27 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I had sex. The guy texted me an hour later, saying, "That was awkward. Let's not do that again." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 391

You deserved it 8 831

Overbearing girlfriend

By Jake - 16/09/2013 19:08 - United States - Albany

Today, I woke up, thinking it was going to be a good day. However, when I looked at my phone, I saw that my girlfriend had sent me an obscene number of angry messages, which are still coming in, because I forgot to say goodnight to her last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 474

You deserved it 8 259

By larvagirl23 - 18/06/2009 15:08 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of ten months sent me a picture message of her making out with a guy. Under it, it read, "You can pick your stuff up in the morning." FML

I agree, your life sucks 95 922

You deserved it 5 325

By :( - 27/01/2014 22:31 - Algeria

Today, I woke up after a night out partying only to find I'd wet the bed. I was so ashamed that I rolled my girlfriend into it to avoid taking the blame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 269

You deserved it 62 390

By Oops54321 - 28/09/2009 07:12 - France

Today, I was feeling really horny. I decided to send dirty texts to my girlfriend. I sent the first and she didn't reply, so I sent more and more and then I got one back saying 'Stay away from my little girl.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 725

You deserved it 33 263

By is_that_right - 27/12/2014 19:14 - United States - El Paso

Today, I texted my girlfriend, saying "Hey there." She quickly replied, assuring me that she's not cheating on me. Uh, okay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 979

You deserved it 2 948

OcampoFTW 4

Sunday 4 September 2011 8:57

At least she told you bout it

danford80 0

Sunday 4 September 2011 8:58

Wow. Anytime a conversation starts with please don't be mad or we need to talk it never ends well!!

Comments

pickles2b2 4

Sunday 2 October 2011 4:39

you sir, are a man *****, ydi for sleeping with random women!

RamonaDowdley 0

Wednesday 19 October 2011 21:34

First of all did you call her back the next day?? She could of said it out of anger !! You need to treat woman that you sleep with respect??

thismustbeit 0

Saturday 5 November 2011 8:46

does it burn when u pee?

BndY19 0

Thursday 10 November 2011 17:53

hah thats suk

vcolvin 0

Wednesday 16 November 2011 4:29

That's why you shouldn't sleep with random people. If you do it would be wise to protect yourself. What if she was HIV positive?!

Humanspider 18

Friday 9 December 2011 8:44

You need it to wrap it up. Wrap it up! And cue the music. I really miss the Chappelle Show.

richieflow 3

Thursday 29 December 2011 12:07

Well just cut it off bro

resplendencerino_fml 3

Saturday 7 January 2012 0:13

Seeing as she thinks youve caught whatever she has, I'm guessing you didn't wear a condom. You. Deserve. It.

Kade20 4

Tuesday 4 December 2012 10:48

FYI! GIRLS DON'T SLEEP WITH THIS GUY! lol

zombieslayer83 19

Friday 11 January 2013 19:25

Wrap it ups

Keywords

Thanksgiving Politics Holidays Miscellaneous Family Am I overreacting? Cars Transportation AITA Contraception Love Suspicious Cheating Pregnancy Christmas Scary Awkward Sex Weddings Embarrassing Singing My ex Jealousy Friends Health Poopoo peepee Relatable Therapy Mental health Covid

The Top

Today, I went to work 8:30 am. Human stayed home. Got home at 5pm. Human is working on his music at home. It is 7:11 pm and Human is still on his computer working on the same song, on replay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 107

You deserved it 339

Today, my grandpa was wearing flip flops and white socks. He entered my restroom, and the moment he did I remembered there was no toilet paper left. I felt too ashamed to interrupt his dump, so I waited for him to ask for paper; he never did, and came out without socks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 524

You deserved it 5 800

The Top

Today, at work, I was trying to get the octopus out of its tank to transfer it to another one. It instantly latched to my face and sprayed ink all over me. My boss told me to stop playing with the animals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 719

You deserved it 5 774

Today, I got fired from my job at a library for hitting an old man with a book. In my defence, I had asked him about a massive water stain on a book he'd returned. He told me it was his cum, wanted to know if it excited me and then tried to touch my boobs. Dirty old pervert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 229

You deserved it 280

Today, I was having sex for the first time with a girl who wanted to be friends with benefits. Halfway through sex she noticed that I had the same tattoo as her brother, and had a full-on panic attack that lasted half-an-hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 119

You deserved it 7 281

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. I thought it was all going really well, until I looked up a minute or two in, only to be greeted by a stone-cold death glare and the words, "You really are an idiot, aren't you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 750

You deserved it 8 431

Today, I had misplaced my cell phone. I decided the best course of action would be to dial the number from my house phone and wait for it to ring to locate it. Somebody answered when I called. It wasn't the wrong number and I had a brief conversation with the man that stole my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 494

You deserved it 34

Today, my brother was playing with the pepper spray on my key chain. He didn't think it was real, so to test it he sprayed me in the mouth while I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 535

You deserved it 2 879

Same thing different taste

No. Just… No.

Overbearing girlfriend

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