Intimacy: Today, I woke up to a text from my mother-in-law saying, "Happy...

By Anonymous - 17/04/2012 19:29 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I woke up to a text from my mother-in-law saying, "Happy birthday! I hope you have great birthday sex!" I'm now afraid to go over there for dinner tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 894

You deserved it 3 175

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 05/08/2013 05:33 - United States - Romulus

Today, I found out that the messages about the issues in my sex life that I'd been sending to my best friend had been sent to my mother via iMessage. She's coming over for dinner tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 044

You deserved it 9 021

Booming economy!

By ThatGuy24 - 26/09/2019 22:00

Today, it's my birthday and it would be a great day if me and my wife weren’t literally too poor to celebrate it. To make it even better, she won’t have birthday sex with me, because we live with her mom and she’s afraid of her hearing us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 926

You deserved it 409

By ShitHappens2016 - 16/04/2017 18:00

Today, my mother-in-law texted to wish me a happy birthday. She spelled my name wrong and it's not my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 867

You deserved it 329

Thanks mom

By Anonymous - 14/02/2021 14:01 - Colombia

Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to remind me about my non-existent sex life while all the family was having dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 034

You deserved it 107

By thissucks - 21/02/2011 22:20 - United States

Today, it's my mom's birthday. I woke up at midnight to be the first to tell her happy birthday. When I awoke in the morning, I decided to bake her a cake. Little did I know my whole family was going out to lunch to celebrate. I wasn't invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 572

You deserved it 3 419

Happy nothing, then

By amy - 30/06/2018 19:00

Today, it's my birthday. I went downstairs expecting birthday greetings from my parents. Instead, they just sat on the couch saying nothing. Thinking they forgot, I casually reminded them. My mom scoffed and said, "Go do the dishes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 633

You deserved it 364

Oh no…

By Anonymous - 12/04/2014 01:40 - Canada

Today, it was my birthday. I only got one message, from my dad, which was a sexual image meant for my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 984

You deserved it 3 451

Cool story, tell it again

By GGimabeast - 29/07/2010 04:14 - United States

Today, I celebrated my birthday. My mom invited a bunch of my relatives over, and they started telling funny stories of when I was a kid. My mom decided that then was an appropriate time to talk about how she caught me looking at porn the other night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 443

You deserved it 12 428

By Anonymous - 21/07/2011 16:40 - United States

Today, I missed a call from my mom. It's my birthday, and glad she remembered, I called back to thank her. She was surprised when I brought up going out for dinner, and asked me what the occasion was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 701

You deserved it 2 776

Issues

By Badkitty14 - 09/08/2012 20:16 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, in the middle of sex, my boyfriend asked me what he should get his mother for her birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 677

You deserved it 3 720

thisiscat 14

Wednesday 18 April 2012 0:16

Maybe that's the point..

FirstTigerHobbes 13

Wednesday 18 April 2012 0:48

I would but I'm crying

Comments

lacrossebrah13 8

Wednesday 18 April 2012 5:34

Happy birthday:)

dysonsimpson15 1

Wednesday 18 April 2012 5:45

Maybe she wants to have it with you ahahah

1094568 1

Wednesday 18 April 2012 5:50

One word....ORGY!!!!!!!

OrangeCreamsicle 0

Wednesday 18 April 2012 6:15

Looks like someone wants grandchildren.

linkinpark98 23

Wednesday 18 April 2012 6:37

Aww, family bonding! :')

mrsmillsy 10

Wednesday 18 April 2012 7:46

Creepy! I guess if she's always that open it's not so bad though.

vampiresam9097 5

Wednesday 18 April 2012 8:25

At least she likes you :)

novalaise 7

Wednesday 18 April 2012 8:26

A bit creepy but just get over it

fuckmebutdontfml 16

Wednesday 18 April 2012 8:59

Just make you turn off the stove first and you're good to go :)

tomtato 10

Wednesday 18 April 2012 9:03

Maybe it will be a carrot feast!

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was eating lunch naked at my home watching porn on the big screen. I heard the garage door opening meaning my roommate was coming home. In my haste to get dressed, I fell back in the barstool I was sitting in and knocked myself out. I woke up still naked and with lettuce all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 247

You deserved it 79 260

Today, I was operating on a young girl, when she began to awaken during the surgery. We quickly put her back under, of course, but now I'm terrified that she'll remember my profuse cursing and get me in the shit with my curmudgeonly killjoy of a boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 987

You deserved it 11 435

The Top

Today, while zooming down the interstate, I had to tell my husband to put his penis away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 471

You deserved it 6 655

Today, after being annoyed one too many times by my students' whiney attitudes, I accidentally blurted out, "Quit being such a bitch," to the superintendent's daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 066

You deserved it 46 119

Today, I was working retail when a group of older gentlemen came in looking for a good sound system. I showed them a top-range system and gushed about it in detail, trying to close the sale. One of them snorted and said, "See Dave, girls like her are the reason ball gags were invented." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 633

You deserved it 4 083

Today, I bought a new mailbox to replace the old one that was stolen. Two hours after I put the new mailbox up, the old one was back and the new one was missing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 444

You deserved it 37

Today, a homeless man started to wet himself in the recliner at the coffee shop where I work. He then walked all the way to the bathroom, only to finish urinating in a puddle right in front of the bathroom door. Guess who cleaned it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 408

You deserved it 1 870

Today, I woke up to my cat slowly dragging her paw across my face. I opened my eyes to see a bloody mouse dangling an inch from my face. It was still twitching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 895

You deserved it 4 041