Animals: Today, I woke up to an early Christmas present on my car. It...

By Anonymous - 13/12/2010 02:36 - United States

Today, I woke up to an early Christmas present on my car. It was a nicely wrapped box containing a dead bird, a half eaten sandwich, and a note reading "MERRY F**KING CHRISTMAS STAN." This will probably be my only Christmas present. My name is Luke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 057

You deserved it 2 448

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Cinderstar95 - 28/12/2016 09:34 - United States - Schererville

Today, my dad and brother found a Christmas present that they'd "forgotten" to give me. Expecting a joke, I apprehensively opened it. But I still wasn't prepared to unwrap the neck of the Christmas turkey. It had been rotting in the living room for 2 days. The smell was indescribable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 346

You deserved it 437

By Sophies - 26/12/2013 00:45 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I woke up on Christmas morning to find that a large cock and balls had been keyed into the windscreen of my car. My new, two-week-old car, which I will be paying off for the next four years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 663

You deserved it 3 134

By lebato97 - 09/12/2011 03:35 - United States

Today, I saw my neighbor's Christmas tree they had put up on their porch, with decorative presents under it. Being that my neighbors hate me, I figured I would take a present to piss them off. While walking back home with the present, I opened it. Inside it read "I knew you would, douche bag." FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 660

You deserved it 80 895

By TodX - 27/12/2008 08:23 - France

Today, I used my Christmas holiday time to open up a load of old letters. There were a lot of bills, of course, but there was also a note telling me that I'm due for a tax inspection. Merry F*ing Christmas! FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 760

You deserved it 5 821

By CambodianAsshole - 25/12/2012 06:41 - United States - Placentia

Today, I opened my Christmas present from my parents. I got a road-side assistance package. I don't own a vehicle, and I don't even have a driver's license. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 482

You deserved it 3 574

Alexa, play the Christmas album by Low

By Anonymous - 20/12/2022 03:00

Today, to try to have a less depressing Christmas, I've put up a small tree in my apartment and wrapped some presents for myself. I woke from a nap to the sound of my cat vomiting. What did she throw up on? The presents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 880

You deserved it 194

By Julie - 25/12/2012 03:20 - United States - East Brunswick

Today, I woke up to find our Christmas tree knocked over, unwrapped presents scattered everywhere, and my mom passed out on the sofa with a bottle of booze. Merry Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 209

You deserved it 2 791

By ~JESSICA~ - 11/09/2010 06:19 - United States

Today, I woke up late to an urgent voicemail from my dad telling me he left me a present in my car. Excited, I went to investigate. I then saw that his "surprise" was fresh fish he had caught. I hate fish, and now my car stinks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 898

You deserved it 3 607

By CalebNotShomo - 25/12/2014 15:25 - United States - Houston

Today, my boss sent me a text message saying, "You're fired. Merry Christmas!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 374

You deserved it 2 829

By lex31 - 14/02/2012 13:24 - United States

Today, I received my first Valentine's day present ever: a dead mouse from my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 082

You deserved it 3 762

supraz21 0

Monday 13 December 2010 9:20

thats messed up that guy has issues

starfuryt550 3

Monday 13 December 2010 17:06

are you retarded?

Comments

emilyanne123 0

Monday 13 December 2010 22:18

Aww how sad

Buddy360 0

Tuesday 14 December 2010 1:58

What the hell?

Aivriowlninja 0

Tuesday 14 December 2010 4:13

I LOVE YOU LUKE! MERRY CHRISTMAS!

salsalover_12 5

Tuesday 14 December 2010 4:38

use the force luke use the force

grantinator 0

Tuesday 14 December 2010 5:56

It's the thought that counts? lol well it wasn't the best thought I guess...

doofinsmurf 0

Tuesday 14 December 2010 6:59

Oh, Cartman! How you brighten my day!! LOL. Sorry, I could totally see Cartman do that to Stan. x)

TabbithaLynn 0

Wednesday 15 December 2010 10:02

dumb

easwhitey 0

Sunday 19 December 2010 4:10

That's what happens when you have two families. I'm assuming your other family knows you as stan

SiulEater 0

Monday 14 February 2011 8:14

are you going to eat the sandwich ??

stepherly 5

Monday 18 July 2011 20:04

downer...

Keywords

Coworkers Work Dogs Animals Transportation Cars Miscellaneous Photography Art Videos Love Awkward Health Money Scams My ex Sex Family AITA Healthy Lifestyle Am I overreacting? Babies Kids Sleep Mental health Parents Cheating Break-ups Social Media Friends

The Top

Today, I caught my girlfriend of a year texting her ex, asking if she was enough for him sexually. He responded in detail about all their sexual activities, but she says I’m overreacting and shouldn’t keep throwing it in her face. Am I wrong? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 693

You deserved it 205

Today, I was driving down the road when a dog suddenly ran across the street. In attempt to spare its life, I swerved to the side of the road and rear-ended another car. The car I hit belonged the family who owned the dog. Now I have to pay them because I saved their dog's life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 358

You deserved it 5 959

The Top

Today, my boss used the restroom at work. She returned and told me I needed to go clean the toilet because "someone left a mess in there." It was her mess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 617

You deserved it 2 536

Today, I called a Lyft to go to work. I got dressed and even watched him finish his previous ride. We all know you have a 5 minutes window. It wasn’t even 5 minutes in when he cancelled my ride. Now I’m late for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 681

You deserved it 328

Today, a girl I work with was talking to me in an Eeyore voice. I'm not sure if it's because she's sad and pathetic, or if she thinks I'm sad and pathetic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 860

You deserved it 3 912

Today, as part of his crusade to drive me mad by “helping” in the kitchen, my dad used an entire bottle of expensive olive oil I brought from Greece to make fried bread for his breakfast, and he used the edge of my Japanese chef's knife to loosen a screw, so it now has a giant hairline crack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 146

You deserved it 123

Today, I was taking out the trash and I came upon a bill from a veterinary hospital. It was for $50 and it was a bill to put my dog down. My Dad said my dog was missing and I put hundreds of signs around the city. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 895

You deserved it 2 922

Today, my friends renamed my dog, “Dog Vader.“ Yes, my dog has asthma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 374

You deserved it 930

Same thing different taste

Alexa, play the Christmas album by Low

Top comments

Comments