Animals: Today, I woke up to an early Christmas present on my car. It... - FML

By Anonymous - 13/12/2010 02:36 - United States

Today, I woke up to an early Christmas present on my car. It was a nicely wrapped box containing a dead bird, a half eaten sandwich, and a note reading "MERRY F**KING CHRISTMAS STAN." This will probably be my only Christmas present. My name is Luke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 057

You deserved it 2 449

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Same thing different taste

By Cinderstar95 - 28/12/2016 09:34 - United States - Schererville

Today, my dad and brother found a Christmas present that they'd "forgotten" to give me. Expecting a joke, I apprehensively opened it. But I still wasn't prepared to unwrap the neck of the Christmas turkey. It had been rotting in the living room for 2 days. The smell was indescribable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 346

You deserved it 438

By Sophies - 26/12/2013 00:45 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I woke up on Christmas morning to find that a large cock and balls had been keyed into the windscreen of my car. My new, two-week-old car, which I will be paying off for the next four years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 664

You deserved it 3 135

By lebato97 - 09/12/2011 03:35 - United States

Today, I saw my neighbor's Christmas tree they had put up on their porch, with decorative presents under it. Being that my neighbors hate me, I figured I would take a present to piss them off. While walking back home with the present, I opened it. Inside it read "I knew you would, douche bag." FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 662

You deserved it 80 906

By TodX - 27/12/2008 08:23 - France

Today, I used my Christmas holiday time to open up a load of old letters. There were a lot of bills, of course, but there was also a note telling me that I'm due for a tax inspection. Merry F*ing Christmas! FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 760

You deserved it 5 821

By CambodianAsshole - 25/12/2012 06:41 - United States - Placentia

Today, I opened my Christmas present from my parents. I got a road-side assistance package. I don't own a vehicle, and I don't even have a driver's license. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 486

You deserved it 3 574

Alexa, play the Christmas album by Low

By Anonymous - 20/12/2022 03:00

Today, to try to have a less depressing Christmas, I've put up a small tree in my apartment and wrapped some presents for myself. I woke from a nap to the sound of my cat vomiting. What did she throw up on? The presents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 884

You deserved it 194

By Julie - 25/12/2012 03:20 - United States - East Brunswick

Today, I woke up to find our Christmas tree knocked over, unwrapped presents scattered everywhere, and my mom passed out on the sofa with a bottle of booze. Merry Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 209

You deserved it 2 792

By ~JESSICA~ - 11/09/2010 06:19 - United States

Today, I woke up late to an urgent voicemail from my dad telling me he left me a present in my car. Excited, I went to investigate. I then saw that his "surprise" was fresh fish he had caught. I hate fish, and now my car stinks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 900

You deserved it 3 607

By CalebNotShomo - 25/12/2014 15:25 - United States - Houston

Today, my boss sent me a text message saying, "You're fired. Merry Christmas!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 377

You deserved it 2 829

By lex31 - 14/02/2012 13:24 - United States

Today, I received my first Valentine's day present ever: a dead mouse from my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 088

You deserved it 3 764

Next

Top comments

supraz21 0

Monday 13 December 2010 9:20

thats messed up that guy has issues

starfuryt550 3

Monday 13 December 2010 17:06

are you retarded?

Comments

yaknowiverse 0

Saturday 20 August 2011 20:58

that sucks Luke.

nickypd122 1

Tuesday 6 September 2011 1:37

I'm sorry :(

MrsVicious 8

Saturday 7 January 2012 6:15

Why did you put your name?

froggeh 4

Monday 2 April 2012 18:54

eminem sent you a Christmas present xD

_overandout_ 10

Friday 4 May 2012 16:28

I think someone's a bad speller - I think the present was for SATAN :)

rougeunicorn03 17

Monday 30 September 2013 11:16

Your life is sad.

Alhamdulilah 15

Sunday 5 January 2014 19:52

That was supposed to be from Stan to Eminem. Yep.

starsierra 15

Wednesday 13 August 2014 18:40

Well Luke apparntley Stan and his friend had have alot a fights might want to talk to Stan

TheLynx_fml 20

Monday 19 September 2016 1:51

Merry Christmas Luke

Keywords

Kids Awkward Gifts Money Alcohol Love Health Addiction Coworkers Racism Work Sexism Sex Bodyshaming Annoying Parenting Accident Miscellaneous Intimacy Cute Poopoo peepee Weddings Sports Neighbours AITA Erratas Ironic Home improvement Cleaning Housework

The Top

Today, I am living a nightmare. My mother is now friends with my wife and my mother-in-law, plus my sister is now friends with my wife’s sisters. All that needs to happen now is they all get together in the same room and my life will be over; it will be a 7 on 1 massacre, and I’ll be the 1. FML

I agree, your life sucks 156

You deserved it 396

Today, I was on a third date with a girl. Things had been going really well. At one point, the conversation lulled. After a moment of silence, she asked me what my greatest fantasy was. I told her that it was being a superhero. She told me that she meant sexual fantasy. I'm 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 756

You deserved it 67 863

The Top

Today, my sister-in-law and I discussed what men like our husbands do at a bachelor party. I thought of beer, sports, and a strip club. Her version included church, wrestling (she believes they're former high school athletes), and sleeping together in the den (they’re 28 and in his own home). She was offended by my answers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 756

You deserved it 141

Today, I was at a party, and I sat down on a chair. While conversing with friends, I shifted places on the chair, and broke it. Embarrassed, I then stood up and change chairs. After moving to the next chair, I broke that one too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 204

You deserved it 21 483

Today, I found dried cum in my hair - after being at work for two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 282

You deserved it 48 332

Today, I got kicked in the crotch. It popped my cherry. I lost my virginity to a shoe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 567

You deserved it 6 202

Today, I was alone in the car with my grandma for five hours while she told me all about the multiple bladder infections she's had in the past year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 548

You deserved it 3 261

Today, I lost my job due to the coronavirus. I have no way to pay my bills and very few places are hiring just now. My boss tried to make me feel better by saying her husband was just laid off and they'll struggle as well. She has a £120k salary and just got a £30k bonus. Apparently, "we're in the same boat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 163

You deserved it 187