Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up to my creepy new roommate licking my cheek.... - FML

By D: - 06/10/2013 17:13 - France - Paris

Today, I woke up to my creepy new roommate licking my cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 409

You deserved it 3 899

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Same thing different taste

By 123roomielover - 26/01/2011 17:40 - United States

Today, I woke up to my new roommate staring at me, just a few inches from my face. She then told me how easy I would be to kill in my sleep. Then she stood up, naked from head to toe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 567

You deserved it 3 740

Creepy roommates #56

By Anonymous - 16/09/2021 23:00

Today, I awoke to a strange feeling on my feet. It felt like a tongue, so at first thought it was the dog, but we don't have one. I looked down and it was my roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 260

You deserved it 86

By mac - 27/01/2014 14:40 - Australia - Bankstown

Today, my roommate showed me a video of a cockroach crawling all over my face while I was asleep in the lounge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 430

You deserved it 4 377

By Anonymous - 07/01/2014 21:24 - United States

Today, I woke up to my psycho roommate trying to baptize me in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 367

You deserved it 5 212

By Roommate - 28/09/2016 16:03 - United States - Olympia

Today, my new roommate sent me a picture of our toothbrushes bristles touching with the caption "Look! I made them kiss!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 105

You deserved it 937

Leftovers

By Anonymous - 16/09/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I woke up to my cat licking my face. Cute, right? Turns out, she was licking the crumbs off my cheek from last night's pizza party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 499

By Anonymous - 10/11/2010 16:32 - Argentina

Today, I woke up to find my new roommate staring straight at me. She then went on to say, "I love how you sleep," and continued to stare. I live in a residence off campus and I've already changed roommates twice this year. I'm stuck with a person who stares at me sleep for the next two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 461

You deserved it 3 906

By burritobreasts - 15/10/2014 06:27

Today, I woke up to my roommate trying to put a burrito and a pack of mild sauce in between my boobs. He's only lived here for two weeks, and this is the second time I've woken up to him doing something like this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 148

You deserved it 5 319

By floggingnasty - 13/02/2011 11:38 - United States

Today, I got a new roommate in the dorms. When I got back to my room, I could smell her feet before I even opened my door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 847

You deserved it 2 837

By gold3nshow3r - 09/03/2017 20:00 - United States - Roanoke

Today, I woke up to a strange wetness covering my body. My drunk roommate's urine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 574

You deserved it 436

Next

Top comments

ewmoldycheese 14

Monday 7 October 2013 2:37

The real question is which cheek?

MsConfusedd 27

Monday 7 October 2013 2:41

I bet you've always wanted a dog!

Comments

FrankHotpants 31

Monday 7 October 2013 2:49

Next time you're both sitting around together just casually ask, "sooo uhmm...WTF?!"

gracehi 31

Monday 7 October 2013 2:52

*Zap Branigan's voice* He just wanted a taste of sweet, sweet, candy.

greeneyebeauty9 28

Monday 7 October 2013 2:53

I think it's that time of the year to find a new roommate.

chocolatefrog28 29

Monday 7 October 2013 2:57

Check the kitchen, if the pantry is stocked with some fava beans and a nice chianti, get your ass out of there pronto.

CharlieM78 9

Monday 7 October 2013 2:58

If you didn't punch them in the face then YDI

iAlissa 34

Monday 7 October 2013 7:19

Shut up.

perdix 29

Monday 7 October 2013 3:01

You should take a stronger sleeping pill. You probably want to stay thoroughly unconscious while all of the licking and probing activities are going on.

iisisaac 9

Monday 7 October 2013 3:07

next time you go to sleep, put something gross on your cheek so that if it ever happens again you'll have a surprise in store!

papayeya 18

Monday 7 October 2013 3:11

Ewwww i would smack his balls

Robbieisadowg 16

Monday 7 October 2013 3:14

How do you know it was a boy?

cakefete2 30

Monday 7 October 2013 5:54

Never seen one, but i imagine this might be the start of a rather kinky gay porno.

EphMi 5

Monday 7 October 2013 3:19

that's sexy...assuming one of you is a girl, even better if both are girls!

LolAtMyPosts 10

Monday 7 October 2013 3:45

I'm not even going to begin bitching about how wrong that statement is.

lollypop30001 19

Monday 7 October 2013 3:28

Ok time to move out.

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The Top

Today, I have an HR meeting to discuss my team's performance. This is the same HR that refuses to hire more people because my department is full. The same HR that complains when tasks are completed late due to the team being overworked, yet refuses to take any suggestions. How do you give feedback to people like this? FML

I agree, your life sucks 423

You deserved it 74

Today, I returned home to my parents' house, drunk. Hungry, I grabbed a slice of bread and some butter and took two mouthfuls. Five hours later, my mother woke me up and dragged me to the kitchen. In the middle of the table was a buttered, half-eaten sponge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 636

You deserved it 42 714

The Top

Today, I couldn't sleep. I had to pee really badly but I'm terrified of the dark, so I closed my eyes all the way to the bathroom. On the way, I tripped over my dog and fell face-first into the door frame. He then humped me as my nose bled all over the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 690

You deserved it 3 371

Today, my girlfriend got her period. It seemed more painful for her than usual, so I offered to go out and buy some painkillers and maybe some chocolate for her. She thought I was being sarcastic and slapped me so hard I saw stars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 162

You deserved it 4 168

Today, I finally told my dad that I hate his girlfriend. I said her daughter's a complete whore, and her son is annoying as fuck. Turns out they were in the house and within earshot, ready to throw me a birthday party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 228

You deserved it 49 629

Today, I tried to wake my husband up in the middle of the night by kissing him deeply and massaging his neck and shoulders. He opens his eyes, looks at me, says "No", and goes back to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 358

You deserved it 15 153

Today, I went to my high school reunion, hoping to dazzle my old classmates with my career in investigative journalism. Instead, I ended up getting drunk and falling asleep in the bathroom stall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 141

You deserved it 1 203

Today, after paying back the money my grandma lent me to fix my car, I stepped outside, only to see my car leaking antifreeze all over the driveway. I had to ask for the money back to fix it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 287

You deserved it 3 900