Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up to my creepy new roommate licking my cheek.... - FML

By D: - 06/10/2013 17:13 - France - Paris

Today, I woke up to my creepy new roommate licking my cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 409

You deserved it 3 899

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Same thing different taste

By 123roomielover - 26/01/2011 17:40 - United States

Today, I woke up to my new roommate staring at me, just a few inches from my face. She then told me how easy I would be to kill in my sleep. Then she stood up, naked from head to toe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 567

You deserved it 3 740

Creepy roommates #56

By Anonymous - 16/09/2021 23:00

Today, I awoke to a strange feeling on my feet. It felt like a tongue, so at first thought it was the dog, but we don't have one. I looked down and it was my roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 260

You deserved it 86

By mac - 27/01/2014 14:40 - Australia - Bankstown

Today, my roommate showed me a video of a cockroach crawling all over my face while I was asleep in the lounge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 430

You deserved it 4 377

By Anonymous - 07/01/2014 21:24 - United States

Today, I woke up to my psycho roommate trying to baptize me in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 367

You deserved it 5 212

By Roommate - 28/09/2016 16:03 - United States - Olympia

Today, my new roommate sent me a picture of our toothbrushes bristles touching with the caption "Look! I made them kiss!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 105

You deserved it 937

Leftovers

By Anonymous - 16/09/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I woke up to my cat licking my face. Cute, right? Turns out, she was licking the crumbs off my cheek from last night's pizza party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 499

By Anonymous - 10/11/2010 16:32 - Argentina

Today, I woke up to find my new roommate staring straight at me. She then went on to say, "I love how you sleep," and continued to stare. I live in a residence off campus and I've already changed roommates twice this year. I'm stuck with a person who stares at me sleep for the next two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 461

You deserved it 3 906

By burritobreasts - 15/10/2014 06:27

Today, I woke up to my roommate trying to put a burrito and a pack of mild sauce in between my boobs. He's only lived here for two weeks, and this is the second time I've woken up to him doing something like this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 148

You deserved it 5 319

By floggingnasty - 13/02/2011 11:38 - United States

Today, I got a new roommate in the dorms. When I got back to my room, I could smell her feet before I even opened my door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 847

You deserved it 2 837

By gold3nshow3r - 09/03/2017 20:00 - United States - Roanoke

Today, I woke up to a strange wetness covering my body. My drunk roommate's urine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 574

You deserved it 436

Next

Top comments

ewmoldycheese 14

Monday 7 October 2013 2:37

The real question is which cheek?

MsConfusedd 27

Monday 7 October 2013 2:41

I bet you've always wanted a dog!

Comments

TrinityNevada 11

Monday 7 October 2013 3:50

Was your roommate on something? Was it a seductive licking or just a ... man, I don't know what to do with this post.

olpally 32

Monday 7 October 2013 3:58

That's terrifying! Ahhhh.

cheshirecat13242 32

Monday 7 October 2013 4:03

Damn that's hot...

confusedAsFuck 34

Monday 7 October 2013 20:41

We have now identified the creep OP is staying with..

cheshirecat13242 32

Tuesday 8 October 2013 2:06

Yeah it's totally me. I just thought it was cool she got an fml posted about it

worldclassrager 39

Monday 7 October 2013 4:07

I think it's time to request a new roommate...

kumarina 35

Monday 7 October 2013 4:15

Next time they would be naked

niftyismybitch 21

Monday 7 October 2013 4:20

turn the other cheek..

rebelbelle 17

Monday 7 October 2013 4:39

did they then lick their lips and say "mmm tastes like chicken?"

LowExpectations 30

Monday 7 October 2013 4:56

Your roommate thinks you're a toad with hallucinogenic excretions. Time to find a new roommate.

FairyTaleZombies 6

Monday 7 October 2013 5:06

By creepy do you mean they look creepy or after the fact that they licked you that they are now creepy? If they looked creepy from the start, why did you even let them become your roommate? well, if you had that option given to you. anyways, I make it a rule to never let anyone creepy looking come into my house or truck. I don't want them licking me or something while I'm driving or cooking. :p

jw90 18

Monday 7 October 2013 5:14

I'd beat the shit out of mine.

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The Top

Today, my roommate wanted me to try out a new bus route home, I knew it might take longer but she really wanted me to try, so I went with her. After waiting for ages at The Exchange bus stop for the last bus home, we missed it, and had to take an Uber. FML

I agree, your life sucks 563

You deserved it 174

Today, I attended a cooking class with my co-workers. As the chef prepared to cut up a load of onions for his dish, he warned us to be ready for the "typical reactions". Everyone teared up. Meanwhile, I popped a boner. So much for typical. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 318

You deserved it 9 464

The Top

Today, I overheard my brother telling my son and his male cousins, who all think he's a cool uncle, that, "Only women can sneeze and fart at the same time." I decided to intervene, and gave him a scolding of a lifetime in front of them. Let's just say, I had to sneeze while in the middle of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 652

You deserved it 441

Today, my boyfriend was diagnosed with a UTI. He thought men can only get UTIs by "catching" them from a woman, so he blamed me for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 696

You deserved it 1 769

Nononononono...

I agree, your life sucks 291

You deserved it 71

Today, my girlfriend and I went on vacation. We flew 2000 miles, got off the plane, got our bags and stood outside the airport for our ride. She looks at me and says, "I can't do this anymore." So, she broke up with me and flew back home. Now I'm on vacation alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 315

You deserved it 4 035

Today, I found myself watching Masterchef UK and was excited because there was an attractive female contestant. I then went on to imagine us getting married and being together forever. Man I am lonely, but more importantly need to get out more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 598

You deserved it 380

Today, I realized that I accidentally said my phone number wrong when I was giving it to a really smart, cute guy with all the same interests as me that I met at a bar last night. I'd had a few drinks and had gotten the middle three digits mixed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 089

You deserved it 1 672