Intimacy: Today, I woke up to my girlfriend masturbating beside me. I asked... - FML

By notsohandy - 03/01/2014 22:08 - Denmark - Hadsten

Spicy

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend masturbating beside me. I asked if she needed a hand. She called me a pervert and now won't speak to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 948

You deserved it 8 126

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Same thing different taste

By Anonn - 23/02/2009 13:14 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I accidentally walked in on my girlfriend masturbating so I said to her, "Need a hand with that?" to which she replied "I'm doing fine here on my own, don't ruin it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 93 165

You deserved it 23 485

By Anonymous - 14/03/2013 16:59 - Germany - Dortmund

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 732

You deserved it 10 557

By Korisite - 30/10/2011 05:31 - United States

Spicy

Today, my wife caught me masturbating to porn. She screamed at me and asked why I would be masturbating when I had her to have sex with. So I asked if she wanted to have sex, she said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 261

You deserved it 25 002

By thanks. - 28/01/2017 04:00

Today, my girlfriend of over a year woke me up at 4:30 in the morning by sticking her hand down my pants. She immediately stopped when I was awake enough to reciprocate and said, "I couldn't sleep. I was bored. Talk to me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 966

You deserved it 823

Shame on you!

By Bjax - 11/10/2017 16:00

Today, my girlfriend woke me up at 5am to tell me she was mad at me. Apparently I did something bad in her dream. She still won't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 734

You deserved it 395

Alexa, play "Asleep" by The Smiths

By Anonymous - 01/10/2019 12:00

Spicy

Today, I woke up to my best friend laying next to me vigorously touching herself. She thought I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 671

You deserved it 223

Self-service

By Steve - 13/06/2012 21:30 - United States - Lake Charles

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my wife masturbating. Naturally, I asked her if she needed some help. She replied, "Nah, I've got this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 811

You deserved it 17 109

Denied

By Anonymous - 30/08/2023 22:00

Spicy

Today, I started coming on to my girlfriend, only to get a nasty rejection. I told her I would just go jerk off, to which she replied, "Don't you dare!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 518

You deserved it 142

By Anonymous - 26/04/2015 07:09 - Australia - Burwood

Spicy

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend having phone sex less than 10 feet away from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 979

You deserved it 2 961

Rejection erection

By paidback - 25/12/2009 01:10 - United States

Spicy

Today, I rejected my wife for sex. She then started to masturbate next to me. I got an erection. She then rejected me for sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 666

You deserved it 83 349

Next

Top comments

flufee2 27

Saturday 4 January 2014 1:04

Just start masturbating beside her next time

colvindj 22

Saturday 4 January 2014 1:05

She's a independent woman who don't need no man to get her freak on.

Comments

Xotoolyxo 16

Saturday 4 January 2014 3:18

Join her ?

SmokinGuns 13

Saturday 4 January 2014 4:18

Why ********** when you can have sex?...

ecascio2010 9

Saturday 4 January 2014 4:21

Wow what a prude! If you were my bf I would have said Yes and then started making out with you.

October3461 12

Saturday 4 January 2014 4:23

I think she was upset that you talked to her when she might have been close to her O moment girls need to concentrate op

lovelyohhmee 8

Saturday 4 January 2014 4:25

Maybe your doing something wrong...

Blahblah9921 4

Saturday 4 January 2014 4:32

she needs to get over it

grashopper8 7

Saturday 4 January 2014 4:33

She was just embarrassed. You said the right thing, better than trying to pretend that you were still asleep, how awful! When she's more confident she'll come around :)

shaytards_fml 9

Saturday 4 January 2014 4:35

don't ask, jump in

luvmypony 6

Saturday 4 January 2014 4:38

girlfriend sounds like a bit of a prude seems how she was diddling her self n then has the nerve to call u a pervert? um.....she may want to rethink herself

honestjane 22

Saturday 4 January 2014 4:40

Nobody loves you like you. At least your own hand rarely disappoints.

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Keywords

Family Miscellaneous DIY Cats Management Poopoo peepee Work Awkward Relatable Coworkers Frustration Am I overreacting? Capitalism Dogs Animals ADHD Transportation Love Dating Health Anxiety Technology Mental health Sleep Roommate Clumsy Noise AITA Confused Parents

The Top

Today, my mom kicked me out of the house because I missed my curfew and overslept at my boyfriend’s house. She said she’d let me back in on one condition: that I was still a virgin. My boyfriend’s parents won’t let me live with him. I’m currently staying in the Walmart restroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 702

You deserved it 315

Today, my sister was concerned that her daughter (my niece) was sick, and hesitant to take her to the ER. I asked if she'd eaten something she shouldn't have, and she replied, "No, especially since we feed her the most healthy food we can." This was fine until I flipped out when she said, "We even give her raw milk so that she'll be strong." FML

I agree, your life sucks 428

You deserved it 120

The Top

Today, just like every morning, I had to make myself throw up all the acid in my stomach just to make room for a little bit of food. No doctor can fix my problem, and my family still thinks I’m doing it to lose weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 109

You deserved it 149

Today, I showed up on set for a film that I booked a role in weeks ago. At the time of the audition, the script was being rewritten, so today I was so excited and eager to be told what my role would entail. When they handed me the script, my character was described as a fat, ugly, awkward girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 228

You deserved it 5 067

Today, the sweetest thing my boyfriend ever told me was that I'd make a good porn star. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 634

You deserved it 8 640

Today, it was easter and I thought it might be fun to look for eggs with my little brother. My parents told me to take the ones in the higher places that my brother couldn't reach. All of his eggs were filled with candy or money. Each one of mine had a note saying 'maybe when you lose weight'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 969

You deserved it 9 595

Today, my overweight colleague twisted his ankle. He's pretty self-conscious about his weight, but I had a brain-fart and told him he shouldn't try to put too much weight on it. His feelings are more hurt than his ankle now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 406

You deserved it 1 940

Today, I was cleaning one of my disabled clients because he pooped himself, so I started to undress him for a shower. I took his dirty diaper off and set it on his bed, then I bent over to take off his socks at which point he put the diaper on my head like a hat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 040

You deserved it 5 250