Intimacy: Today, I woke up to my girlfriend masturbating beside me. I asked...

By notsohandy - 03/01/2014 22:08 - Denmark - Hadsten

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend masturbating beside me. I asked if she needed a hand. She called me a pervert and now won't speak to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 948

You deserved it 8 126

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Same thing different taste

By Anonn - 23/02/2009 13:14 - Australia

Today, I accidentally walked in on my girlfriend masturbating so I said to her, "Need a hand with that?" to which she replied "I'm doing fine here on my own, don't ruin it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 93 165

You deserved it 23 485

By Anonymous - 14/03/2013 16:59 - Germany - Dortmund

Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 732

You deserved it 10 557

By Korisite - 30/10/2011 05:31 - United States

Today, my wife caught me masturbating to porn. She screamed at me and asked why I would be masturbating when I had her to have sex with. So I asked if she wanted to have sex, she said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 261

You deserved it 25 002

By thanks. - 28/01/2017 04:00

Today, my girlfriend of over a year woke me up at 4:30 in the morning by sticking her hand down my pants. She immediately stopped when I was awake enough to reciprocate and said, "I couldn't sleep. I was bored. Talk to me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 966

You deserved it 823

Shame on you!

By Bjax - 11/10/2017 16:00

Today, my girlfriend woke me up at 5am to tell me she was mad at me. Apparently I did something bad in her dream. She still won't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 734

You deserved it 395

Alexa, play "Asleep" by The Smiths

By Anonymous - 01/10/2019 12:00

Today, I woke up to my best friend laying next to me vigorously touching herself. She thought I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 671

You deserved it 223

Self-service

By Steve - 13/06/2012 21:30 - United States - Lake Charles

Today, I walked in on my wife masturbating. Naturally, I asked her if she needed some help. She replied, "Nah, I've got this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 811

You deserved it 17 109

Denied

By Anonymous - 30/08/2023 22:00

Today, I started coming on to my girlfriend, only to get a nasty rejection. I told her I would just go jerk off, to which she replied, "Don't you dare!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 518

You deserved it 142

By Anonymous - 26/04/2015 07:09 - Australia - Burwood

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend having phone sex less than 10 feet away from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 979

You deserved it 2 961

Rejection erection

By paidback - 25/12/2009 01:10 - United States

Today, I rejected my wife for sex. She then started to masturbate next to me. I got an erection. She then rejected me for sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 666

You deserved it 83 349

flufee2 27

Saturday 4 January 2014 1:04

Just start masturbating beside her next time

colvindj 22

Saturday 4 January 2014 1:05

She's a independent woman who don't need no man to get her freak on.

Comments

maggiefox 25

Saturday 4 January 2014 9:03

Definitely FYL.

dovahconn 12

Saturday 4 January 2014 10:01

this is wrong in so many ways

rockhead1270 5

Saturday 4 January 2014 14:27

Time for Tonsil Hockey

17krorob 7

Saturday 4 January 2014 15:20

Just ********** beside her next time

weveallbeenthere 30

Saturday 4 January 2014 17:07

wtf.

Aegimus 5

Saturday 4 January 2014 19:27

Sounds like your girlfriend has a giant hypocrisy problem.

synsam 4

Saturday 4 January 2014 20:01

bitches are crazy. that's seriously the only explanation. cause you know if any dude was in that situation "THOUGHT YOU'D NEVER ASK!"

ekwinoks 5

Saturday 4 January 2014 21:59

Talk about mixed signals

misszombiexx 10

Saturday 4 January 2014 22:14

My guess is she was probably just embarrassed.

lessavii 2

Sunday 5 January 2014 5:23

needed a hand... I see what you did there..

Keywords

Miscellaneous Family DIY Cats Intimacy Sex Am I overreacting? Friends Awkward Management Work Poopoo peepee Relatable Coworkers Frustration Capitalism Animals ADHD Dogs Transportation Love Dating Health Anxiety Technology Mental health Sleep Roommate Clumsy Noise

The Top

Today, my neighbour from across the road phoned me at work telling me there was a fire engine outside my house and a lot of smoke. I drove home in a panic, smashing a rear light on a post and getting flashed by a speed camera. It wasn't my house. The firemen were putting out a bonfire next door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 856

You deserved it 6 630

Today, I was grocery shopping when a little kid pointed at me and yelled, "Mommy, look! It's the man from the cereal box!" I don’t know whether to feel flattered or insulted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 328

You deserved it 84

The Top

Today, I met a really nice girl at a club, and we went back to my place. I was finally going to lose my virginity, but just as she started kissing me, I panicked and ended up fainting. When I came to, I was still clothed, and she was long gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 521

You deserved it 13 118

Today, I decided I need to get a life. I reached this epiphany when I failed to take notice of my friend calling me, until he started calling out my Xbox gamertag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 531

You deserved it 25 902

Today, I saw my two-year-old son trying to floss his teeth. He was using an earthworm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 118

You deserved it 1 196

Today, I used a fire extinguisher for the first time. Too bad it was on my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 298

You deserved it 3 563

Today, I went to a bingo club with my gran and won the second game and a butthurt old lady accused me of cheating. I ended up being taken aside by an apologetic member of staff and asked to leave. I'm still trying to figure out how you can even cheat at bingo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 924

You deserved it 1 452

Today, my mother-in-law complained to me about the cost of getting old. She then spent an hour showing me her River Cruise vacation photos from several countries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 592

You deserved it 329