Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up to my psycho roommate trying to baptize me in...

By Anonymous - 07/01/2014 21:24 - United States

Today, I woke up to my psycho roommate trying to baptize me in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 361

You deserved it 5 211

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Same thing different taste

By 123roomielover - 26/01/2011 17:40 - United States

Today, I woke up to my new roommate staring at me, just a few inches from my face. She then told me how easy I would be to kill in my sleep. Then she stood up, naked from head to toe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 561

You deserved it 3 740

By Anonymous - 31/12/2015 18:15 - United States - Hyde Park

Today, I woke up to the sound of my psycho ex trying to break down my apartment door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 737

You deserved it 1 655

By D: - 06/10/2013 17:13 - France - Paris

Today, I woke up to my creepy new roommate licking my cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 407

You deserved it 3 898

By meh beard - 18/01/2016 23:42 - Canada - Bowmanville

Today, my roommate thought it was a good idea to set my beard on fire to wake me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 526

You deserved it 1 599

By Secretlypossessed - 29/10/2018 03:00

Today, I was awoken to a punch in the face. My boyfriend said I was giggling in my sleep and he thought I was possessed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 974

You deserved it 291

By gold3nshow3r - 09/03/2017 20:00 - United States - Roanoke

Today, I woke up to a strange wetness covering my body. My drunk roommate's urine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 572

You deserved it 436

Pyrotechnics

By Homeless for the holidays - 13/12/2020 22:58 - United States - Farmington

Today, after I told my roommate last week she needed to find a new place to live because I thought she was psychotic, she set my house on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 138

You deserved it 131

By keimA - 23/06/2019 12:30

Today, my new roommate, who seemed to get along with me just fine up until now, has requested to switch to a different room. Apparently, I was making racist comments in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 302

You deserved it 395

By Anonymous - 11/01/2015 08:44

Today, my brother woke me up by trying to light my bed on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 944

You deserved it 2 841

Spooky

By Scaredwitless - 28/01/2011 04:35 - United States

Today, my roommate decided to prank me by leaving a fake suicide note on the bathroom door and lying motionless in a bathtub full of water and red coloring. When I went, horrified, to take a closer look, he lunged at me and screamed. I was so scared I pissed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 913

You deserved it 6 018

mmyoung979 14

Wednesday 8 January 2014 1:04

Jesus Christ, that's scary.

ItsMeDiegoG 8

Wednesday 8 January 2014 1:05

At least she wasn't sacrificing you to Satan.

Comments

ashleyylove3 22

Thursday 9 January 2014 9:27

Get rid of it

HaddyIsSwaggy 1

Thursday 9 January 2014 20:25

I hope you weren't Jewish o_O...I'm Jewish and if my roommate did that to me my mom would put a rod where the sun don't shine. :)

JordanExile 8

Thursday 9 January 2014 21:13

Pour glitter on his head in a baptism of stupid

kittymeowmixx 3

Thursday 9 January 2014 22:26

that would be my sister

Devul143 12

Saturday 11 January 2014 5:37

Oh... Jesus.. no, seriously... no pun intended.. that's just.... wtf..

anyoldnamewilldo 23

Tuesday 14 January 2014 17:15

Baptize you or drown you? There is a fine line between the two.

takenbyarmyboy 16

Tuesday 14 January 2014 22:15

What.

slapsface 10

Thursday 16 January 2014 5:06

God bless you

napatchieg 5

Friday 17 January 2014 2:30

jesus Christ... LOL

Pincherahera 5

Wednesday 22 January 2014 21:48

You must be blessed!

Keywords

Surprise Love Cute Texting My ex Awkward Wanker Intimacy Sex Health Insomnia Sleep Mental health Cooking Food Weekend Parents Kids Miscellaneous Pranks Annoying Embarrassing Work Technology Coworkers Zoom Roommate Argument Pizza Animals

The Top

Today, I learned that my insecurities regarding my dick size were unfounded, as my girlfriend gushed over my dick and said it was amazing. We then got down to business, and almost immediately heard, "Ow! Fuck, that's my cervix! This hurts! Stop!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 666

You deserved it 1 209

Today, my boyfriend and I were using our Skype accounts for the first time. He went to the restroom and I thought that I'd surprise him with my clothes off for when he came back. I heard him walk back into the room so I got into position. It wasn't him. It was his mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 652

You deserved it 24 999

The Top

Today, I was so proud of a clever analogy I'd written to a friend in a text, that I “dropped the mic” afterward. I realized what I'd done a split second before the phone hit the ground and shattered into a million pieces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 271

You deserved it 5 542

Today, I yelled at my boyfriend for smoking in the house, because I didn't want the house to smell like smoke. While doing so, I knocked over a candle and lit the couch on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 542

You deserved it 14 910

Today, I discovered my mom has been using my credit card to buy everyone's Christmas presents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 069

You deserved it 3 715

Today, I found out my roommate gambled his portion of the rent money on Israel Adesanya. FML

I agree, your life sucks 580

You deserved it 84

Today, my fiancé and I decided to have a romantic rendezvous on the trampoline in our backyard. Or at least it was romantic, until I accidentally rolled off and all but crushed our dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 775

You deserved it 20 090

Today, I visited my girlfriend's apartment for the first time. I guess she forgot to do some spring cleaning before I showed up, because I saw my laptop on her couch. The same laptop that was stolen from my house along with several other valuables last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 040

You deserved it 2 916

Same thing different taste

Pyrotechnics

Spooky

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