Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up to my psycho roommate trying to baptize me in...

By Anonymous - 07/01/2014 21:24 - United States

Today, I woke up to my psycho roommate trying to baptize me in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 361

You deserved it 5 211

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Same thing different taste

By 123roomielover - 26/01/2011 17:40 - United States

Today, I woke up to my new roommate staring at me, just a few inches from my face. She then told me how easy I would be to kill in my sleep. Then she stood up, naked from head to toe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 561

You deserved it 3 740

By Anonymous - 31/12/2015 18:15 - United States - Hyde Park

Today, I woke up to the sound of my psycho ex trying to break down my apartment door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 737

You deserved it 1 655

By D: - 06/10/2013 17:13 - France - Paris

Today, I woke up to my creepy new roommate licking my cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 407

You deserved it 3 898

By meh beard - 18/01/2016 23:42 - Canada - Bowmanville

Today, my roommate thought it was a good idea to set my beard on fire to wake me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 526

You deserved it 1 599

By Secretlypossessed - 29/10/2018 03:00

Today, I was awoken to a punch in the face. My boyfriend said I was giggling in my sleep and he thought I was possessed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 974

You deserved it 291

By gold3nshow3r - 09/03/2017 20:00 - United States - Roanoke

Today, I woke up to a strange wetness covering my body. My drunk roommate's urine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 572

You deserved it 436

Pyrotechnics

By Homeless for the holidays - 13/12/2020 22:58 - United States - Farmington

Today, after I told my roommate last week she needed to find a new place to live because I thought she was psychotic, she set my house on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 138

You deserved it 131

By keimA - 23/06/2019 12:30

Today, my new roommate, who seemed to get along with me just fine up until now, has requested to switch to a different room. Apparently, I was making racist comments in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 302

You deserved it 395

By Anonymous - 11/01/2015 08:44

Today, my brother woke me up by trying to light my bed on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 944

You deserved it 2 841

Spooky

By Scaredwitless - 28/01/2011 04:35 - United States

Today, my roommate decided to prank me by leaving a fake suicide note on the bathroom door and lying motionless in a bathtub full of water and red coloring. When I went, horrified, to take a closer look, he lunged at me and screamed. I was so scared I pissed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 913

You deserved it 6 018

mmyoung979 14

Wednesday 8 January 2014 1:04

Jesus Christ, that's scary.

ItsMeDiegoG 8

Wednesday 8 January 2014 1:05

At least she wasn't sacrificing you to Satan.

Comments

anthony99 14

Wednesday 5 February 2014 3:31

And by "baptize" do you mean "jerk off onto?"

darkfireflame 15

Saturday 15 February 2014 16:37

"Well excuse me for trying to sneak you into heaven."

Artures_way1 23

Sunday 15 June 2014 3:51

Pretend to be a satanist.

coldasfire 23

Thursday 7 May 2015 22:43

LOL I bet he was like holding his hands up "may Jesus guide you"

Keywords

Surprise Love Cute Texting My ex Awkward Wanker Intimacy Sex Health Insomnia Sleep Mental health Cooking Food Weekend Parents Kids Miscellaneous Pranks Annoying Embarrassing Work Technology Coworkers Zoom Roommate Argument Pizza Animals

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I agree, your life sucks 41 315

You deserved it 8 594

Today, my new neighbor asked if I could keep my dog from yapping during the evenings, because it kept him awake last night. I don't have a dog, but I apologized anyway. I didn't have the heart to admit that those are the sounds my girlfriend makes during sex. FML

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I agree, your life sucks 376

You deserved it 147

Today, I was promoted. After going to school for 10 months to get certified for the new position, training extensively, and taking on a ton more responsibility, I was hoping for a decent raise. How much do my bosses think all of that time and effort is worth? One dollar more per hour than I made before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 264

You deserved it 1 131

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I agree, your life sucks 1 812

You deserved it 137

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I agree, your life sucks 1 043

You deserved it 113

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I agree, your life sucks 3 178

You deserved it 232

Today, while getting pretty intimate with my newlywed wife in the car, a cop turned his lights on. As he was walking up, I was trying to get my pants back on but they wouldn't fit over my knees. The cop just laughed and walked away. Turns out my wife had my pants on and I was trying to put hers on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 322

You deserved it 7 851

Same thing different taste

Pyrotechnics

Spooky

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