Work: Today, I woke up with really dry, chapped lips. Still in bed,...

By pinkblankets - 19/04/2009 01:55 - United States

Today, I woke up with really dry, chapped lips. Still in bed, without my glasses on, I sleepily reached down into my purse for some chapstick and applied it. Upon awakening later I realized I had mistaken a mini Sharpie permanent marker for chapstick. I have a job interview today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 089

You deserved it 29 884

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Same thing different taste

Chapped out

By Anonymous - 12/12/2009 09:28 - United States

Today, I was having lunch with my mom before an important job interview. She commented than my lips looked dry and crackly and gave me her chapstick with aloe to put on. Apparently I'm allergic to aloe and my lips got so swollen I could hardly talk. It was too late to reschedule the interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 087

You deserved it 2 522

By Anonymous - 27/04/2011 19:16 - United States

Today, I awoke to make-up all over my face and nail polish on my hands and feet because my daughter wanted "daddy to look pretty." I have a job interview in an hour and none of it is coming off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 536

You deserved it 5 374

By The Cat Tickler - 13/09/2018 15:00

Today, I was talking to myself and got distracted when I was going to put chapstick on my lips. I took the cap off my deodorant and put it on my lips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 825

You deserved it 1 410

By Anonymous - 19/08/2015 05:49 - United States - San Jose

Today, my mom kissed me goodbye before I went to a big job interview. I got weird looks on the way there, but I figured it was just because I look like a massive douche in formal wear. Turns out my mom had smeared lipstick all over my chin. The person who finally let me know was my interviewer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 984

You deserved it 2 747

Real dream

By kaley - 14/12/2019 03:00

Today, I woke up to find that I had given myself a haircut in my sleep. I have a presentation today and a job interview tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 750

You deserved it 358

By leosmom - 25/11/2018 03:00

Today, I used a glue stick instead of my Carmex lip balm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 970

You deserved it 1 267

By bleeding - 06/12/2009 01:24 - United States

Today, while I was waiting for an interview, I picked at a something I felt on my chin thinking that it was just some food. I had a good interview. Then I got into my car and looked in the mirror, and saw that I had blood smeared all over my chin. Turns out I had picked a zit. No one told me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 272

You deserved it 6 612

By chapstick - 09/01/2014 03:23 - United States - San Dimas

Today, my lips were dry and chapped, so I asked if I could use some of my friend's chapstick. She didn't mind, so I quickly put some on. Only later did I notice that my lips were sparkly. Turns out it was glitter balm. Now everyone calls me "princess." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 896

You deserved it 13 695

Pranks should be outlawed

By hannah - 30/09/2023 04:00

Today, someone held me down and rubbed ChapStick all over my lips. I have a condition which requires medicinal balm, otherwise my lips crack and bleed, and ChapStick makes it worse. I’m still waiting on the balm to arrive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 790

You deserved it 98

By 2classicNot2 - 09/04/2011 07:52 - United States

Today, feeling social, I went to a bar. During a trip to the dimly lit restroom, I fixed my makeup, and carefully penciling my sparse eyebrows. After an evening of meeting new people, I went home. In my well-lighted restroom, I discovered that my eyebrow pencil was actually my bright red lip liner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 777

You deserved it 34 930

collegegirl8 0

Sunday 19 April 2009 9:36

how does drawing on your lips with a sharpie remotely feel like putting on chapstick?

mylifesucks52 0

Sunday 19 April 2009 9:37

you can use nail polish remover. it wont taste good but its that or sharpie. you can also use rubbing alcohol

Comments

BRBICECREAMTRUCK 0

Sunday 19 April 2009 11:23

how can you mistake a sharpie for chap stick, even if you wake up extremely tired

Chra 0

Sunday 19 April 2009 11:26

#20: Yeah, that'll heighten the chance of getting the job by loads!

Virgin_Tea 0

Sunday 19 April 2009 11:39

You deserved this one. Sorry. But how can you think a sharpie is a chap stick? It smells and feels differently

Serial 2

Sunday 19 April 2009 12:02

is your job interview for the Sharpie company by chance? if it is, then you may of given them a new idea!!

delphina 0

Sunday 19 April 2009 12:24

Sharpies are also much thinner around than Chaptick and don't have flat ends or edges. Wtf?

neverland_fml 0

Sunday 19 April 2009 12:26

That's just hilarious. XD I'm sorry, kid, but give it a week and you'll laugh.

fml12345677 0

Sunday 19 April 2009 12:35

yeahh it is way different to open a sharpie than to open a chapstick. if this actually happened to you then ydi

suckerz 0

Sunday 19 April 2009 13:07

I don't believe you...

Altrown_fml 0

Sunday 19 April 2009 13:34

You would have known immediately by the smell and feel of a Sharpie on your lips. Fake.

rocksta9000 0

Sunday 19 April 2009 14:25

actually, certain spray on sunscreen gets sharpie off of skin, as well as plastic objects and white boards =D

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The Top

Today, I attended a cooking class with my co-workers. As the chef prepared to cut up a load of onions for his dish, he warned us to be ready for the "typical reactions". Everyone teared up. Meanwhile, I popped a boner. So much for typical. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 318

You deserved it 9 464

Today, my parents told me that unless I think about my behaviour and make some real changes, people are going to think I’m weird or suspicious, and I’ll never make friends. This is because I choose to attend church on Sundays instead of watching TV and getting drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 348

You deserved it 257

The Top

Today, my husband decided that he simply couldn't exist any longer without giving me his own version of a wet-willy. He creeped up on me as I was sleeping and wiggled his wet penis around in my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 145

You deserved it 4 215

Today, my 12 year old son came home from school and informed me that he bought an air guitar for $20. He honestly thinks this is a good price. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 360

You deserved it 12 362

Today, my boyfriend told me that his daughter only liked me because she thought that we look like siblings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 759

You deserved it 93

Today, I accidentally walked in on my roommate while she was changing clothes. She insisted on telling her boyfriend what had happened, because, "It wouldn't feel right" if she didn't. Her boyfriend is a MMA fighter/bodybuilder and has major jealousy issues. I'm screwed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 370

You deserved it 4 285

Today, I realized what an immature child my mother is, and has always been. Even though she’s past middle aged, she still screenshots social media posts to laugh and make fun of people she went to high school with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 703

You deserved it 122

Today, I took a girl I like to the movies. Everything went great until I went in to kiss her. She didn't object, but my mother, who apparently followed me to the theater and was now pulling me away by my shirt while saying, "We're leaving!" certainly did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 940

You deserved it 3 466

Same thing different taste

Chapped out

Real dream

Pranks should be outlawed

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