Animals: Today, in the very middle of the night, my kitten started rubbing...

By Anonymous - 13/02/2014 15:20 - United States - Reno

Today, in the very middle of the night, my kitten started rubbing against my face. Thinking I saw her face in the darkness, I decided to kiss her before going back to bed. My lips made contact with her butthole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 284

You deserved it 19 003

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Wake up, human!

By inveralaska - 16/06/2016 21:22 - United Kingdom

Today, I got a kitten. She decided to sleep on my bed, waking me up periodically during the night by biting my face to make sure I was still alive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 045

You deserved it 2 358

By catbum - 10/11/2016 03:54 - Canada - Regina

Today, I accidentally shoved my finger up my cat's butt while trying to push him off my nightstand in the dark. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 585

You deserved it 1 483

Good Meowrning!

By piliseep - 01/12/2017 09:00 - United States - Apex

Today, at 6 am, I was suddenly jerked from the warm embraces of sleep by the smell of poo. I was very groggy and confused when my hand landed in something wet and cold. I turned on the light and was horrified to find that my kitten took a huge dump in my bed. It was everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 619

You deserved it 571

Touching story

By Kahlilah Kilgore - 20/10/2019 16:00

Today, I was half asleep when my cat came over to cuddle. I was petting her in the dark when I felt what I thought was a patch of matted fur under her neck, as if she had been injured and bleeding. Alarmed, I felt for that spot again and found myself holding her tail. What I'd felt was in fact my cat's anus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 388

You deserved it 607

Rocky VIX

By Anonymous - 29/09/2019 20:06

Today, I was laying with my face dangling down the side of my bed, when my kitten rushed up to me looking worried. He sniffed me for a while, then decided the best thing to do was to stand on his hind legs and start punching my face like a speed bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 357

You deserved it 363

By crazycatlady - 24/08/2016 09:43 - United States - Ashland

Today, I woke up with my cat's asshole planted firmly on my forehead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 189

You deserved it 1 577

By ambushcat - 06/07/2012 03:31 - United States

Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 514

You deserved it 28 635

By Allie cat - 02/12/2016 13:43

Today, while in deep sleep, I was suddenly awoken by a tickle on my face and nearly threw my cat off the bed. Apparently, 4 a.m. Is the perfect time to touch noses with your human. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 481

You deserved it 1 581

By Anonymous - 16/12/2009 20:53 - United Kingdom

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend in my room. About two minutes into it, my cat walks in and jumps on the bed with us. Without hesitation, my girlfriend tells me to stop, rolls over, and starts petting my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 587

You deserved it 6 495

By Anonymous - 05/06/2009 04:28 - United States

Today, I took a nap with a kitten I just adopted from my mom's house. To make her feel more comfortable, I took a nap with her on my bed. In my dream, I kept smelling poo and I felt around on the bed to find the kitten. She apparently had diarrhea on my bed and I had stuck my hand in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 239

You deserved it 8 304

alycion 38

Thursday 13 February 2014 22:09

I think that makes her alpha now.

FlyingPie 17

Thursday 13 February 2014 22:14

You've got to be kitten me.

Comments

barlos88 19

Thursday 13 February 2014 22:15

Hey, at least you got date for valentines days ...

Nilorak 24

Thursday 13 February 2014 22:56

Catentines day*

Raidriar 14

Friday 14 February 2014 3:25

Wow. 12's was bad already, but 52, damn.

Nilorak 24

Friday 14 February 2014 5:07

I know, I wish I could scratch my eyes out.

NashyzzleTheN 10

Friday 14 February 2014 6:40

Hey, props to 52 for admitting it was bad

Bekll 31

Thursday 13 February 2014 22:16

You didn't try to feel with your hands first to make sure? I understand the cuteness is overpowering and you have to kiss her - I can't resist the urge to kiss my tuxedo between the eyes when I see him. Hope you washed your mouth with mouth wash after that.

ThomasBombadil 31

Thursday 13 February 2014 22:16

Talk about spoiling your pets.

TheRoyalDog 10

Thursday 13 February 2014 22:18

The struggle is real

mangoboy1 19

Thursday 13 February 2014 22:18

Never go ATM

DarksideDoll 31

Friday 14 February 2014 1:17

Sometimes, in the heat of the moment, it's acceptable to go ATM.

Nastorrian 11

Friday 14 February 2014 1:41

@69: ^That

CallMeMcFeelii 13

Friday 14 February 2014 7:19

Man, I was thinking what the hell "at the moment" has to do with kissing kittens' asses. Now I see you mean "ass to mouth" which makes total sense. Requiem for a Dream showed me that ass to ass is the way to go, though. "Ass to ass, ass to ass!"

Acacia21 23

Thursday 13 February 2014 22:19

I can only imagine how grossed out you were afterwards. I wonder what your kitten was thinking!

Nastorrian 11

Thursday 13 February 2014 22:46

What all cats think."Bow to me human, you inferior creatures. Oh and feed me"

Rababco 29

Friday 14 February 2014 8:38

My one cat is usually thinking something like, "pay attention to me or I'll chew on your hair and stick my butt in your face!" XD The other one's probably thinking, "put me down you filthy peasant, I'm am your queen!"