Animals: Today, in the very middle of the night, my kitten started rubbing...

By Anonymous - 13/02/2014 15:20 - United States - Reno

Today, in the very middle of the night, my kitten started rubbing against my face. Thinking I saw her face in the darkness, I decided to kiss her before going back to bed. My lips made contact with her butthole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 285

You deserved it 19 008

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Same thing different taste

Wake up, human!

By inveralaska - 16/06/2016 21:22 - United Kingdom

Today, I got a kitten. She decided to sleep on my bed, waking me up periodically during the night by biting my face to make sure I was still alive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 046

You deserved it 2 360

By catbum - 10/11/2016 03:54 - Canada - Regina

Today, I accidentally shoved my finger up my cat's butt while trying to push him off my nightstand in the dark. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 598

You deserved it 1 490

Good Meowrning!

By piliseep - 01/12/2017 09:00 - United States - Apex

Today, at 6 am, I was suddenly jerked from the warm embraces of sleep by the smell of poo. I was very groggy and confused when my hand landed in something wet and cold. I turned on the light and was horrified to find that my kitten took a huge dump in my bed. It was everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 626

You deserved it 572

Touching story

By Kahlilah Kilgore - 20/10/2019 16:00

Today, I was half asleep when my cat came over to cuddle. I was petting her in the dark when I felt what I thought was a patch of matted fur under her neck, as if she had been injured and bleeding. Alarmed, I felt for that spot again and found myself holding her tail. What I'd felt was in fact my cat's anus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 391

You deserved it 608

Rocky VIX

By Anonymous - 29/09/2019 20:06

Today, I was laying with my face dangling down the side of my bed, when my kitten rushed up to me looking worried. He sniffed me for a while, then decided the best thing to do was to stand on his hind legs and start punching my face like a speed bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 359

You deserved it 363

By crazycatlady - 24/08/2016 09:43 - United States - Ashland

Today, I woke up with my cat's asshole planted firmly on my forehead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 191

You deserved it 1 579

By ambushcat - 06/07/2012 03:31 - United States

Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 517

You deserved it 28 644

By Allie cat - 02/12/2016 13:43

Today, while in deep sleep, I was suddenly awoken by a tickle on my face and nearly threw my cat off the bed. Apparently, 4 a.m. Is the perfect time to touch noses with your human. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 482

You deserved it 1 581

By Anonymous - 16/12/2009 20:53 - United Kingdom

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend in my room. About two minutes into it, my cat walks in and jumps on the bed with us. Without hesitation, my girlfriend tells me to stop, rolls over, and starts petting my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 589

You deserved it 6 498

By Anonymous - 05/06/2009 04:28 - United States

Today, I took a nap with a kitten I just adopted from my mom's house. To make her feel more comfortable, I took a nap with her on my bed. In my dream, I kept smelling poo and I felt around on the bed to find the kitten. She apparently had diarrhea on my bed and I had stuck my hand in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 243

You deserved it 8 306

alycion 38

Thursday 13 February 2014 22:09

I think that makes her alpha now.

FlyingPie 17

Thursday 13 February 2014 22:14

You've got to be kitten me.

Comments

josiemorehouse 12

Friday 14 February 2014 1:23

I don't know who deserves the FML more: you or the cat!! Sorry OP, but this FML is priceless!! Ha!

Nastorrian 11

Friday 14 February 2014 1:48

How would you not know.. Clearly the human.. Cats lick their own asses all the time that would be just norm for them..

CrystalCrew124 14

Friday 14 February 2014 1:39

Cats are superior you just proved that to her by kissing her ass

skipper2009 18

Friday 14 February 2014 1:50

I wonder what the very middle of the night is?

skittyskatbrat 19

Friday 14 February 2014 2:07

"For Valentines Day, my cat got me a chocolate....starfish" Uck. But, yeah, that's a cat for you....

edvin_fml 10

Friday 14 February 2014 2:28

GOOD, GOOD! keep it up! it doesn't hurt to to play it safe. you never know when your cat's plot to kill you will take effect

xuneventful 12

Friday 14 February 2014 6:37

haha, what if it's actually not the cats wanting to take over the world, but guinea piggs? :o

outoftown 26

Friday 14 February 2014 2:39

Given where cats lick, it probably makes less difference than you think.

ThomasBombadil 31

Saturday 15 February 2014 0:27

Oh my god #81, this is so f-n true. I bet all the cat smoochers out there reading this just threw up a little.

jrn 14

Friday 14 February 2014 3:31

Favorited

TheRoyalBattler 5

Friday 14 February 2014 4:02

That's exactly how Bob Costas got pink eye! Cept' from a dog.....in his Sochi hotel room. Both!!!

reaxion 25

Friday 14 February 2014 4:05

What an ass kisser! FYL OP

awilliams44 9

Friday 14 February 2014 4:36

I love kittens!!

Keywords

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The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 30 040

You deserved it 7 444

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You deserved it 112 564

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I agree, your life sucks 11 920

You deserved it 894

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I agree, your life sucks 41 752

You deserved it 3 783

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I agree, your life sucks 25 144

You deserved it 1 778

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I agree, your life sucks 25 488

You deserved it 2 277

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I agree, your life sucks 26 795

You deserved it 2 602