Work: Today, it was my first day on duty as a rookie cop. Everything...

By Anonymous - 25/10/2011 18:46 - United States

Today, it was my first day on duty as a rookie cop. Everything was going great, and even the veterans on the force were warming up to me. That is until my mother came into the station carrying a brown bag for my lunch. Written on the bag was, "Lunch for my big boy. I love you, pumpkin." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 037

You deserved it 6 345

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Same thing different taste

By sadlife - 09/07/2009 18:50 - Canada

Today, I opened my lunch in front of my friends at university. I had a note in my lunch from my mother that said "Have a good day sweetie! - Love mom". I wrote that note, and put it in my lunch to impress my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 310

You deserved it 66 524

By PukinFireman - 17/10/2009 08:20 - United States

Today, it was my first day at the fire station. Naturally, we all went out and got lunch together. I normally don't handle spicy food well, but sucked it up. About ten minutes after we finished, I got up to do rookie duties when someone slapped me in the back. I forcefully vomited all over my new Lieutenant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 153

You deserved it 5 109

By PC Jones - 20/09/2011 14:56 - Australia

Today, it was my first day as a police officer. A couple of hours into the shift, we got a call. A man was drunkenly jeering and urinating on parked cars. That man turned out to be my father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 459

You deserved it 3 220

Mommy's boy

By Anonymous - 19/03/2022 22:00

Today, after I've spent years cultivating my reputation at work as a hardass who's good to his team, as long as they're competent and own up to mistakes, my mother came as a customer and suddenly I'm a kid all over again. She even tried to pat my head and ask if I'm eating enough. Now my team all keep smirking at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 898

You deserved it 301

By britney - 15/02/2010 02:54 - Canada

Today, I got flowers sent to my work, I happily opened them in front of my co-workers thinking they were from my crush, I open the card to see "Love you, from mom". My mother thinks my love life is so pathetic, thats she needs to send me flowers to cheer me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 130

You deserved it 5 600

By Anonymous - 27/07/2016 04:09

Today, I spent my first day with my parents for the first time in a year as I've been away at university. My dad went to work, and my mum spent the whole day playing mahjong with her friends as they all told me "how fat I've gotten" and how "boys won't like it". FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 804

You deserved it 1 323

Dad joke number 287474

By HunkyFez - 28/08/2020 08:06 - Australia

Today, my dad offered to make me lunch as it was my first day at a new school. Today was also the day I had to eat a penis-shaped sandwich in front of my new peers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 762

You deserved it 268

Priorities

By Anonymous - 06/03/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, I was sent by my mother and her boyfriend to pick up some take-out. After getting the food, I began to turn out once the traffic light was green. An asshole cop sped past the red light and slammed into my car, totaling it. When I called my house, my mom's boyfriend asked, "Where's our dinner?" I'm fine, by the way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 525

You deserved it 78

By Anonymous - 03/08/2010 06:17 - United Kingdom

Today, I start work in an office, with my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 556

You deserved it 12 694

By Lauren Smith - 17/10/2010 16:52 - United States

Today, I came home from work. I was really tired and told my son that I would make him dinner later. He called the cops saying, "Mommy won't feed me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 348

You deserved it 6 183

yadisingh 5

Wednesday 26 October 2011 0:13

Eat up, big boy :) Haha, but dude, mom's are moms. Atleast yours actually cares about you haha.

Reign_fml 3

Wednesday 26 October 2011 0:12

Aw, how sweet

Comments

laden_swallow09 34

Wednesday 26 October 2011 5:07

"MOOOOM, not in front of the guys!" "I can't have my widdle snookumsicle go hungry while out catching robbers, now can I?" "FML…"

afulks78 11

Wednesday 26 October 2011 5:21

Your mom cares. What's the problem here ?

MrIncredibleSME 3

Wednesday 26 October 2011 5:32

Your mom loves you. Get over it

welandedonthemoo 5

Wednesday 26 October 2011 5:32

People who say they hate their parents. Don't cry when they are gone ****** hypocrites

Ins0mau 20

Wednesday 26 October 2011 15:17

Who's saying they hate their parents?!

welandedonthemoo 5

Wednesday 26 October 2011 15:40

Wasn't saying they hate their parents. Just in general.

bmthfan16 0

Wednesday 26 October 2011 5:35

**** the police

chels1994 11

Wednesday 26 October 2011 5:43

they're just jealous.

the5auru5 0

Wednesday 26 October 2011 5:48

have you pulled your first desk pop?

manny9852 4

Wednesday 26 October 2011 5:50

wow that sucks for you dude

JOeL850 0

Wednesday 26 October 2011 5:51

I hate cops

Darklord53 0

Wednesday 26 October 2011 5:52

I wish I had a mom..... At least I can be Batman for Halloween

Keywords

Miscellaneous TV shows Coworkers Work Awkward Politics Embarrassing Ironic Relatable Transportation Social Media Instagram Shopping Parenting Jealousy Love AITA Am I overreacting? Kids Friends Dogs Pranks Housework Cars Technology Porn Health Sports Accident Mental health

The Top

Today, thanks to that stupid ass blue dog, our kids haven’t stopped hounding me about when their dad and I are getting married. They’re too young to understand, so I try to gently change the subject. That worked for about 5 minutes before they were right back to asking. Holy uncomfortable subject Batman! FML

I agree, your life sucks 243

You deserved it 726

Today, I placed a personal ad advertising myself as an overweight woman wanting sex. I sent pictures of me in lingerie to men who replied and was pleased that almost all were still interested. Then I sent face pics. As it turns out, being fat is not my problem. Apparently I'm ugly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 929

You deserved it 29 392

The Top

Today, I got a letter back from the family I will be staying with as a part of an exchange program. Apparently they own a slaughterhouse type farm, and I'm expected to kill one of their animals and eat it as a gift from the family. I'm a vegan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 275

You deserved it 19 432

Today, I blew a tire without money for a spare, had to have my ex come get my kids, drove home on three tires, and possibly fucked things up with my girlfriend beyond repair. My girlfriend is the only person keeping me sane, and I might lose her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 802

You deserved it 265

Today, I've found that the water bill has been much lower than usual as of late. I then realized that this is because I'm so depressed and hardly get out at all, that I've stopped showering or even taking care of myself in general. Who do I have to impress, anyway? FML

I agree, your life sucks 772

You deserved it 230

Today, I met my father, who I hadn't seen since I was a baby, at Subway. He made me pay for his meal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 165

You deserved it 287

Today, a guy came to install a modem in my apartment. He needed to get to the jack behind my TV stand, so I helped him move it. Once the stand was moved, I saw a used condom that was hidden underneath. My cat must have pulled it out of my garbage weeks ago. There's no way the guy didn't see it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 479

You deserved it 3 834

Today, I got fired from my job because I "look too grumpy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 528

You deserved it 10 221

Same thing different taste

Mommy's boy

Dad joke number 287474

Priorities

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