Intimacy: Today, my 14-year-old daughter came home after sneaking out and...

By valnaj1 - 25/12/2012 03:03 - Denmark - Vamdrup

Today, my 14-year-old daughter came home after sneaking out and partying. She was totally drunk, and started crying on my shoulder because some boy named "Thomas" has a small dick, and she had to fake an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90 017

You deserved it 27 769

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
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Same thing different taste

By anonymous - 04/04/2013 22:52 - United States - Spring Valley

Today, I picked my 12-year-old daughter up from school after her first sexual education lecture. She burst into tears on the way home explaining her fears of being pregnant with her boyfriend's child. As if that doesn't sound bad enough, I've met her boyfriend before. He is imaginary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 748

You deserved it 4 195

By aprouddaddy - 04/12/2014 23:46 - France - Paris

Today, I was a bit upset to learn that my 13 year-old daughter had a boyfriend. When she noticed, she assured me that I shouldn't worry, because "it's just for sex anyway". FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 835

You deserved it 6 587

Proud Papa moment

By Anonymous - 19/11/2024 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my daughter turned up at my house because her boyfriend kicked her out. I rang him and it turns out his love and affection and even the time he spent getting to know her kids wasn’t enough for her, my daughter just had to throw it all away by sucking her coworker's dick in her boyfriend's bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 343

You deserved it 90

Stop

By dad - 03/03/2009 22:28 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my wife when my 14 year-old daughter texted me from her room, "Stop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 368

You deserved it 83 172

By don'tdrinkthat - 03/11/2013 22:27 - United States - Quincy

Today, I came home to find my 14-year-old son attempting to get drunk off aftershave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 267

You deserved it 4 825

By angrymother - 27/07/2016 01:21

Today, I caught my 20 year old daughter having sex with my best friend's husband. Apparently it's my fault for coming home early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 828

You deserved it 1 736

By idontevencareanymore - 23/05/2014 21:25 - United States - Jarrell

Today, my mom came home drunk and crying, so I tried to comfort her and asked what was wrong. She wasted no time admitting that she'd hooked up with her ex-husband, AKA my dad, but that it'd sucked for her because he has a tiny penis. Thanks, I really needed to know that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 207

You deserved it 4 705

Gone girl

By OwndPattie - 20/11/2022 02:00

Today, after I grounded my barely 18 year-old daughter for having sex with her boyfriend when I found a pack of condoms in her room while cleaning it, she responded by moving out and eloping with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 322

You deserved it 3 073

By Anonymous - 30/10/2010 05:07 - New Zealand

Today, my daughter came up to me crying. When I asked her what was wrong, she told me that she had a fight with her imaginary boyfriend. She's 16. I raised this child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 810

You deserved it 12 124

Teenagers these days

By prostitott - 04/05/2013 07:22

Today, I caught my 14-year-old daughter stealing alcohol from me. After berating her for half-an-hour I finally said, "At least you're not doing drugs." She gave me a guilty smile and sheepishly said, "At least I'm not a prostitute?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 516

You deserved it 15 394

Krirn 21

Tuesday 25 December 2012 6:18

Isn't that punishment enough?

ilikebikes7 3

Tuesday 25 December 2012 6:18

Poor Thomas.

Comments

douchebag232 2

Tuesday 25 December 2012 20:57

Hey man. Thomas had a "white" christmas thats forsurexD no seriously though. Poor guy. Genetics werent kind to him xD

gillygills 5

Tuesday 25 December 2012 21:20

You should beat the hell out of her

ImNoUnicorn 3

Tuesday 25 December 2012 21:42

Proud of you

MrsAlexander83 10

Tuesday 25 December 2012 21:45

How did you not tear her up?! Looks like you'll be a grandparent in no time at all with those kind of parenting skills.

isamisis 9

Tuesday 25 December 2012 21:59

Time to worry how old petite-dick is and if a lawsuit is in his Christmas stocking this year.

btx2 9

Tuesday 25 December 2012 22:13

Youth of the nation

ultra_notorious 26

Wednesday 26 December 2012 20:40

way to attribute a great song to this lousy story

MikeyScene420 17

Tuesday 25 December 2012 22:21

I feel like i know your daughter. By any chance is her name Haley?

paprika_pilipili_fml 14

Tuesday 25 December 2012 23:51

Wow... She decided to be a **** very early. It's definitely an FML to have a daughter like that.

kelly101_ 1

Wednesday 26 December 2012 0:56

and the parent of the year award goes to...

iamlonelybuthapp 3

Wednesday 26 December 2012 0:59

Like mommy like daughter...!!! Both *****...!!!

Keywords

Parenting Kids Family Miscellaneous DIY Cats Sex Intimacy Am I overreacting? Awkward Friends Poopoo peepee Work Management Frustration Capitalism Relatable Coworkers Transportation Dogs Animals ADHD Dating Love Technology Mental health Health Anxiety Sleep Clumsy

The Top

Today, my boyfriend started to suck on my boob, which I quite enjoy, until he said he was breastfeeding and called me "Mummy". I don't think I can ever let his mouth near my boobs ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 024

You deserved it 3 406

Today, it is mine and my twin sister's birthday. We both wanted a day at the spa for our birthday. My sister got a gift certificate to the spa, while I got mouthwash and a $20 gift card to Target. My mom said it would cost too much to make me also pretty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 121 780

You deserved it 5 987

The Top

Today, I found out why my doctor told me not to mix pain killers with alcohol when I was told that last night I tried to convince a group of teenage tourists that I was one of the nitwits from One Direction, and then got miffed when they laughed at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 248

You deserved it 40 025

Today, I handed out 30 resumes only to find out, after the last resume was handed out, my brother had changed the last sentence of every paragraph to 'I am a massive douche bag.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 917

You deserved it 7 784

Today, I listened to my roommate and her friend struggle with their math homework for an hour. It wouldn't be so bad, except for the fact that I'm a math major and repeatedly offered my help. They'd rather fail math than be around me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 543

You deserved it 2 931

Today, I saw a customer at the restaurant I work at lovingly petting his cheeseburger and whispering sweet promises to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 122

You deserved it 3 738

Today, I found a surveillance camera in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 376

You deserved it 4 111

Today, my girlfriend has spent months convincing me to let her have a go driving my Mercedes, and like a fool I gave in and let her drive it once round the street. She didn’t make it 12 inches before she reversed it into the gate post, denting the body, and destroying the paintwork. FML

I agree, your life sucks 595

You deserved it 414