Kids: Today, my 6 year old son learned that if you give a mouse a cookie,...

By hamster cookie - 17/10/2009 21:08 - France

Today, my 6 year old son learned that if you give a mouse a cookie, he will ask for a glass of milk. But if you give a hamster a cookie, he will try to shove the whole thing in his mouth, choke, and die. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 305

You deserved it 5 087

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

By sunil - 13/06/2014 22:53 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my 8-year-old son microwaved his pet hamster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 616

You deserved it 9 923

Pests

By mom - 30/01/2024 11:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I had mice in the house and had to kill them with mousetraps. I pulled a trap out with a dead mouse and my four year-old son saw. Mice are his favorite animals, and now he won’t speak to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 424

You deserved it 218

By roze198765 - 04/08/2011 01:19 - United States

Today, my cat died in the process of eating, and choking on, my hamster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 867

You deserved it 4 387

Soon.

By erinbarto - 17/10/2019 20:00

Today, I listened to my mom having a conversation with my dog, asking him if he ate my hamster. My hamster isn't even dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 365

You deserved it 134

By whymommywhy - 21/04/2009 03:11 - United States

Today, my hamster gave birth. The babies were very cute and I couldn't resist petting one. Apparently touching a baby hamster will cause it's mother to reject and devour it. I am now know in my family as "The Hamster Slaughterer." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 290

You deserved it 26 954

Poor little guy

By Anonymous - 04/03/2021 14:01

Today, I showed my family my new pet hamster. At the sight of him, my grandmother, who I had no idea hated rodents, let out a loud screech, causing my usually docile hamster to bite me and piss in my cupped hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 932

You deserved it 162

Leftovers

By Anonymous - 20/03/2023 18:00 - United States

Today, my daughter brought home her class hamster for the weekend. It escaped and we spent hours searching for it. We later found it in the fridge, eating our leftover pizza. I never knew hamsters had such a refined palate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 834

You deserved it 177

By Lucy - 06/03/2010 22:44 - United States

Today, water turned to wine. That is, my brother put wine in my hamster's water bottle. Very bad idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 993

You deserved it 2 595

By ItHurtsLIkeHell - 01/03/2010 09:13 - Malaysia

Today, I learnt that if you accidentally sit on a hamster, instead of dying, it bites your testicles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 917

You deserved it 43 076

By Anonymous - 07/12/2012 15:30 - United States

Today, I came home to find a mouse in the garage. Frantic, I killed it. My 7-year-old son came home from soccer, and started crying because he couldn't find the class pet, Mr. Whiskers. I killed my son's class pet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 701

You deserved it 18 300

Witchcraft_fml 4

Sunday 18 October 2009 1:52

At least he died with the sugary goodness of a cookie in his mouth.

Mihir 1

Sunday 18 October 2009 1:34

Oh that sucks hard...sorry for your creature

Comments

hurley12 30

Tuesday 30 April 2013 7:19

Sorry for your loss that sucks/: but I love the way this FML is written I loved that book when I was little.

jackyjoker 2

Friday 28 June 2013 4:44

Tom and Jerry. The classic. ;)

iMadness 6

Tuesday 21 January 2014 8:35

Hamsters are so derpy

NikkiSamm 21

Sunday 15 February 2015 1:57

....well that escalated real ******* quick!

LoyalSatanist666 13

Thursday 18 June 2015 4:21

this for some reason makes me laugh everytime I read it.

paskievitchjack 23

Monday 3 October 2016 19:55

"I murdered my guinea pig and stick it in a microwave"

ReaperofSouls42 2

Monday 13 February 2017 1:01

That... that was so morbid that it was hilarious... I'm sorry.

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The Top

Today, I found out that when you gain too much weight, your penis can get significantly smaller. After noticing that things had been "off" in the bedroom, my girlfriend and I decided to measure it. There was significant shrinkage. I guess it's time to start working out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 971

You deserved it 1 921

Today, I slipped on some ice and wrecked my back. When my husband and I went to go to bed, he begged me to take one of the pain pills left over from his recent surgery. Not so I could feel better and get some rest, but so he could have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 272

You deserved it 3 976

The Top

Today, with a single misstep, I managed to send myself and several others tumbling down a stairwell at work. An ambulance ended up having to be called for one lady. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 588

You deserved it 5 056

Today, after suffering probably my worst night of appendicitis, which consisted of vomiting, diarrhea, and going to the doctor, starving, only to find out a couple of hours later in the hospital ER that I'm allergic to penicillin and close to dying. Again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 808

You deserved it 99

Today, as I was training a new guy at work, my husband spent half the day creeping outside in his truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 447

You deserved it 3 528

Today, I arrived for the holiday across the world that I spent my entire savings from working during college on. I had a slight sore throat, and couldn't manage to equalise my right ear, aborting all my scuba dives. There goes $500 and my dream of being a scuba instructor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 813

You deserved it 1 126

Today, I found out that guys will only flirt with me when they're drunk, and even then only when they realize that my best friend is out of their league. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 136

You deserved it 2 479

Today, I came home late from work. As I got out of my car, I noticed a child-shaped silhouette in my bedroom window. I almost shat myself, since I live alone. I searched the whole house, sobbing in fear, only to find no trace of whatever or whoever I'd seen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 970

You deserved it 3 688