Health: Today, my aunt had to smuggle me some regular toothpaste. Why?...

By teeth - 10/08/2011 17:00 - United States

Today, my aunt had to smuggle me some regular toothpaste. Why? My mom isn't letting anyone in our house use anything but "Coral Paste." There are actually lumps of coral in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 446

You deserved it 2 831

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

WTF Mom?

By Username - 25/11/2012 23:36 - United Kingdom - Newcastle Upon Tyne

Today, I caught my mother trying to switch my contraceptive pill for Tic Tacs. I don't know what's worse - how far she will go to have a grandchild, or that she thought I wouldn't notice that my birth control left me with minty fresh breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 108

You deserved it 1 898

Non confrontational

By Anonymous - 04/05/2023 03:00

Today, I snuck into my aunt's house while she was working to raid her pantry, like I do most days. Excited for a snack cake, I went to the pantry. Apparently she'd found out, because there was a lock on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 96

You deserved it 2 020

Hygiene 101

By Anonymous - 08/06/2019 18:00

Today, my mother refused to talk to me because I wouldn't let her use my deodorant stick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 705

You deserved it 282

Get me out of this shithole

By nothing is sacred - 23/02/2017 12:00 - United States - Reynoldsburg

Today, I caught my mom using my toothbrush and washcloth again, despite her having both her own bathroom and supplies. I asked her to please not use mine, to which she called me an ungrateful bitch. My dad agreed. Yet they wonder why I've been desperately saving money to move out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 546

You deserved it 498

By Poor Student - 05/12/2011 22:30 - Canada

Today, my mother "borrowed" money from my stash to help pay for her vacation to the Dominican Republic. The same trip I'm not allowed to go on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 462

You deserved it 2 575

By BiteMe - 30/08/2016 23:29 - United States - Upper Marlboro

Today, my dentist told me I have a cavity and blamed it on the "subpar" toothpaste I've been using - the same toothpaste he recommended six months ago at my last appointment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 290

You deserved it 1 191

#1 Mom

By whoopsboutthecap - 15/11/2011 12:51 - United States

Today, my mom called me crazy and told me she wanted to put me in a mental hospital. She did this after repeatedly hitting me with a shoe. Why? Because I forgot to put the cap back on the toothpaste. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 257

You deserved it 3 774

Dad Jokes, part 36646

By JackSoda - 26/03/2020 17:01

Today, my dad brought the double barrel shotgun to my room, gave me his hat and said, "It's all about survival now. At any cost, Coral." He keeps calling me Coral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 478

You deserved it 251

By ThaBoss12 - 01/11/2014 22:22 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I saw what my mom handed out for trick-or-treaters last night. Toothbrushes. Yup, we're that house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 763

You deserved it 3 526

By Anonymous - 13/05/2013 05:02 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was visiting, and while in the bathroom, she clogged the toilet. Since there was no plunger in the room, she unclogged it with the only thing she could find: my mother's hairbrush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 019

You deserved it 5 246

bubble25_fml 5

Wednesday 10 August 2011 22:07

don't know if I should trust u, your fml sounds a bit fishy...

Blue87 4

Wednesday 10 August 2011 22:07

ewww

Comments

LardZilla 11

Thursday 11 August 2011 4:22

I just love it when smart people comment on FML. And that goes to thebano and NHLbound22

MareNostrum 0

Thursday 11 August 2011 4:41

Choral music, too? Get some Bach going in bathroom.

hannahcorrine 0

Thursday 11 August 2011 4:44

@90, don't be so quick to judge people on their appearance.

Nerry_fml 0

Thursday 11 August 2011 4:58

Screw school. Just read fml :3

lolital_fml 10

Thursday 11 August 2011 5:27

thats the oddest thing ever reminds me of my hippy friend who thinks a pummice stone is good for deodorant

LizzJizz 16

Thursday 11 August 2011 5:35

Ahhhhh, Balls! -_-

maddyjayneexox 4

Thursday 11 August 2011 6:03

your mom sounds crrazy

GirlEatsBoy26 0

Thursday 11 August 2011 6:14

What the hell is Coral Paste? Is it for teeth or cleaning a toilet?

iloveyouchung 0

Thursday 11 August 2011 6:53

WTF?

softballchikk123 2

Thursday 11 August 2011 6:59

Coral paste?!?

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I came across a street musician. He looked extremely well-fed already, but his music was pretty good, so I gave him some spare change. As soon as I turned away, he started screaming at me for being "cheap", and chased me half a block before running out of breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 738

You deserved it 4 239

Today, in a misguided attempt to earn my asshole dad's approval I went to university to get my business degree and took over the family restaurant. Now I have all the stress of managing the restaurant, he has retired and is moving abroad. Oh, and he still isn’t proud of me. FML

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You deserved it 290

The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 1 965

You deserved it 399

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I agree, your life sucks 45 656

You deserved it 14 018

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I agree, your life sucks 3 002

You deserved it 355

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I agree, your life sucks 36 284

You deserved it 3 371

Today, after waiting two months to attend a very important course, I finally got to go. This is the same day I caught a horrible cold, got Auntie Flow’s monthly visit, my IBS flared up, and my acid reflux as well. So here I go, crampy, constipated, congested, and gassy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 220

You deserved it 273

Today, I’m a French teacher abroad, and as my beard has a huge hole near my chin, my students call me Wolverine. At every lesson, they wait for me with pens stuck between their fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 585

You deserved it 123