Health: Today, my boss told me his cancer test results came back positive....

By Anonymous - 22/09/2012 06:24 - United States

Today, my boss told me his cancer test results came back positive. I congratulated him and asked how he planned to celebrate. It turns out a positive cancer test result is a bad thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 762

You deserved it 62 614

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By Anonymous - 12/10/2023 16:02 - United States - Laramie

Today, I was hanging with my mates when we found an old pregnancy test. Since I’m a guy, we thought it’d be hilarious if I took it. It came out positive, so we were roaring with laughter. That is, until someone looked up why. Turns out, I might have cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 851

You deserved it 122

By devinchi - 11/11/2011 08:42 - United States

Today, my buddy told me he was going to get an HIV test at the health department. Without thinking, I told him to "think positive". FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 293

You deserved it 8 196

Polite but wrong

By sucks - 05/01/2011 07:41 - Netherlands

Today, my boss walked in and said something I didn't quite hear, but my co-worker chuckled so to be polite, I laughed with him. They gave me some weird looks. My boss was actually talking about his wife's tumor and my co-worker was coughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 784

You deserved it 34 592

Sir Alan Sugar has spoken

By freckleboy422 - 31/01/2011 09:28 - United States

Today, I got married and I'd invited everyone from work including my boss. His way of congratulating me was to mention that I'm out of a job. He said it was a good time to do it because he thought I would be too happy or too drunk to care. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 614

You deserved it 2 826

By themarrowguy - 23/08/2013 10:06 - United States

Today, after recently discovering that I need a bone marrow transplant, my girlfriend got tested to see if she could be a donor. When the results came back with a negative match, she blurted out, "Oh thank god." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 171

You deserved it 4 358

Keep some things to yourself

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Plymouth

Today, I overheard someone at the mall telling his friend, "So I'm going in for a brain scan." Trying to be funny, I piped up, "Better hope they find something!" Turns out that had been the end of his sentence, and the scan is to see if his cancer has spread. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 566

You deserved it 75 782

By Loopylogo - 10/01/2017 14:01

Today, my boss came into the office asked how I was doing and seemed totally normal and happy, then said, "I have to let you go. I heard some bad things about you." He wouldn't tell me what he heard, or from whom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 670

You deserved it 525

By yawho - 25/02/2009 07:25 - Japan

Today, a customer that I've been waiting on for years came into the restaurant after a long absence. I said to him, "Hey man, it looks like you lost a lot of weight! How'd you do it?" He replied, "I got cancer." FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 382

You deserved it 9 862

Nosferatu

By Kristache - 02/07/2009 08:31 - Canada

Today, at the restaurant I work at, I gave a man back his change and told him to enjoy the sunny day. He replied by dramatically saying that the sun was his mortal enemy. Thinking he was joking, I asked him if he was a vampire. Turns out he has skin cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 296

You deserved it 16 398

By Parenting... - 27/08/2013 04:36 - United States - Arlington

Today, I had no choice but to bring my son to work as a med school professor. I sat him in a chair in a corner while I gave a lecture. To my surprise, he added another word to his limited vocabulary, and screamed it out loud with an ecstatic expression on his face. The word is "cancer". FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 031

You deserved it 4 577

clueless05 12

Saturday 22 September 2012 12:04

How could you not know that a positive result to a cancer test is bad?

CeCe184 17

Saturday 22 September 2012 12:11

F*** your life? F*** his life, now he sadly has cancer.

Comments

irishpotatoes 5

Saturday 22 September 2012 19:47

That's like the episode of the office where Kevin got test results back and the were negative and Michael was really upset

oniyuri 4

Saturday 22 September 2012 19:48

It's fairly obvious that the OP didn't know because they are a nonnative speaker or even just hadn't been around cancer...he probably thought that Positive meant no cancer because that's a good thing...positive and negatives are one of the most confusing aspect of our language and I'm sure everyone has heard a joke about a similar misunderstanding before

buckdharma 36

Saturday 22 September 2012 19:52

it looks like a top position will be opening up soon and since the majority of bosses are the least qualified i nominate you.

AtomicRebirth 11

Saturday 22 September 2012 20:02

Wow, how stupid can you be?

dman1497 0

Saturday 22 September 2012 20:06

Kill it! Kill it before it lays eggs!

Calebin0 2

Saturday 22 September 2012 20:10

Your a ******* idiot.

gfblum 3

Saturday 22 September 2012 22:23

It's "you're", just by the way

monkiki62 5

Saturday 22 September 2012 20:11

Duh you knob. Negative means the virus isnt there positive means it is there.

l0v3p4in 7

Saturday 22 September 2012 20:12

OP: "Hey, Boss! How's it going?" Boss: "Today, I got my cancer test results back. It's positive." OP: "Awesome, Boss! Congrats! So, how are you going to celebrate the good news?" Boss: "It's not positive as in 'I'm happy.' It's positive as in 'I have cancer." OP: "Oh......."

MuseFan1991 14

Saturday 22 September 2012 21:01

thanks for that, there was no way we could have worked out that conversation by ourselves

griffy14 9

Saturday 22 September 2012 20:12

Oh the glory of the English language.

onlychildFTW 33

Saturday 22 September 2012 20:28

That really sucks OP. But misunderstandings happen and now you've learned in medicine positive = bad Negative = good You want to your cancer results to be negative, meaning you don't have it.