Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. I started...

By trina - 22/03/2009 09:05 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. I started stroking the back of his neck with both of my hands. He told me, "Your hands are nice and smooth like my grandmother's." FML

I agree, your life sucks 104 406

You deserved it 7 977

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Same thing different taste

Congrats

By Anonymous - 27/01/2013 22:44 - Canada - Rosetown

Today, after making love to my boyfriend for the first time, he shook my hand and said, "Good job." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 822

You deserved it 8 593

Turn on

By bodyelectric - 13/04/2009 12:07 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. He knows that I love when he breathes on my neck. Just when I was about to finish, he put his lips a millimeter away from my neck and ear, and breathed, "I love how you smell like my grandmother's house." FML

I agree, your life sucks 111 767

You deserved it 9 765

By petpeeeve - 11/03/2009 02:53 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time in our relationship and it was great. He drove me back to my house and walked me to the door, then instead of kissing me goodbye he patted me on the back. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 113 897

You deserved it 10 284

Frustrated wank

By Anonymous - 05/10/2023 19:00

Today, I gave my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. Apparently, I was so bad at it that he eventually just slapped my hand away and angrily said he'd do it himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 561

You deserved it 304

By disapointed girl - 28/12/2009 16:58 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of a month and I had sex for the first time. We started in the shower and then moved to his bedroom. He then feel asleep when I was on top. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 008

You deserved it 5 892

By Highnapple - 04/03/2015 07:55 - Canada - Sarnia

Today, my boyfriend was pleasuring me with his hands. After two years of being together, he was finally about to make me orgasm for the first time by himself. Just as I was reaching my peak, he orgasmed at the thought of finishing me off and stopped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 132

You deserved it 4 526

Don't stop now!

By Anonymous - 09/03/2021 03:01 - Lithuania - Klaipeda

Today, as usual during sex, my boyfriend finished first, and then he "massaged" me so I could finish too. While he was doing that, his grandma called. He actually answered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 322

You deserved it 179

No gods, no masters

By anon - 31/07/2015 20:28 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate. It was his first time, which I guess explains him sticking his hand down my panties and practically bitch-slapping my vagina for the next 20 or 30 seconds. I stupidly faked an orgasm just to get him to stop. Now he thinks he's some kind of sex god. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 368

You deserved it 34 710

Beginner

By madzlovesgee - 16/05/2009 17:44 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were "fooling around." It started to get hot and he took out his penis for the first time. This was the first one I've seen in real life so I decided I'd complimented it. I had no idea what to say so I said, "It's pretty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 875

You deserved it 53 384

New Romantics

By sallyfradoodle - 13/03/2020 21:00

Today, I told my boyfriend of two years that he was my first kiss. His reply? I was the first person he ever whacked off to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 599

You deserved it 444

alex_smokin_okin 0

Sunday 22 March 2009 16:32

thats not an FML, my grandma has some pretty soft hands as well

bansheebomber 14

Thursday 26 May 2011 19:02

The cat? What about it?

Comments

Floridaguy81 0

Sunday 29 March 2009 5:41

Ok that's awkward.

AngelBubblesRose 0

Sunday 29 March 2009 6:48

mood killer

lolatflyingducks 0

Monday 30 March 2009 5:19

How often does he feel his Grandmother's hands? O_o;

NicGstfsn23 0

Wednesday 15 April 2009 1:19

thats awkward.. i dont get why guys always have to bring up my grandmothers...?

Dirtydan93 0

Sunday 19 April 2009 5:20

Jeezus you don't talk about ur ****** grandma when you're havin sex... Dumbass...

smokey23 0

Wednesday 10 June 2009 4:12

wow it could be worst

Qwertishman12345 1

Saturday 25 July 2009 20:45

Well, he wanted to compliment you, but still FML

Damone 0

Wednesday 30 September 2009 2:17

LOL

ms_not_so_happy 0

Friday 1 January 2010 14:28

he feels secure and safe with you.

JrPeru14 0

Monday 25 October 2010 4:48

dats really weird lol

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I came home from the minimum-wage job I suffer through to support my now ex-boyfriend's ailing music career. It seems his time management skills suck almost as badly as his music, because I found him in my bedroom, licking whipped cream off my step-sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 855

You deserved it 4 564

Today, I found one of those realistic, expensive sex dolls in my boyfriend's cupboard. I asked why on earth he had that and apparently it’s for all those filthy, violent sexual things he likes to do, but knows most women would never even agree to try. Um, WHAT? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 248

You deserved it 529

The Top

Today, I had fallen asleep in the back of a friend's car on the way home from a night out. When I woke up, they were in the middle of a full-on make out session. I had to pretend to be asleep for 20 minutes until they decided to "wake me up". FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 571

You deserved it 3 126

Today, I woke up to the sound of my boyfriend chuckling to himself. Turns out he had just clogged the toilet. When he called maintenance, halfway through explaining the problem he started hysterically giggling and had to hang up mid-sentence. This has been a reoccurring theme. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 236

You deserved it 1 537

Today, I had lunch with my ex. A lady sat down behind her facing me. No eyeballs, no eyelids, just deep flesh tunnels into her head. I was traumatised and stopped eating and talking. I couldn’t say anything, as I imagined no eyes means better hearing. My ex said I was being rude and hasn’t talked to me since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 737

You deserved it 445

Today, while life-guarding, I had to explain to teenage boys that shoving objects up each others' butts and complaining that someone was giving them anal was inappropriate at a family facility in front of kids under the age of 10. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 010

You deserved it 1 809

Today, due to my lagging browser, I accidentally "liked" a status my friend made about the deterioration of her relationship. Then, the computer froze, making it impossible to "unlike" it immediately. My friend won't accept that it was a mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 051

You deserved it 5 748

Today, I was visiting a national park and went for a swim. Afterwards, I needed to change clothes but the bathrooms were closed. I went off into the woods to change. As soon as I was naked, I heard hooves and sixteen people on horseback rode by. I'd stripped by a horse trail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 949

You deserved it 18 721