Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend and I took a nap, fully clothed. I woke up...

By Anonymous - 06/12/2013 21:37 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, my boyfriend and I took a nap, fully clothed. I woke up to him panicking. He'd had a wet dream and was scared that his sperm somehow swam through several layers of clothing and got me pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 095

You deserved it 6 010

Carnival of Disasters
Dive into carnival, where hilarious costumes meet unexpected mishaps. Laughter is guaranteed, mask or no mask! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Embarassed - 10/09/2009 05:32 - Canada

Today, I got out of bed and went to the bathroom. At least, I thought I did, until I woke up to my pants, sheets, and boyfriend all soaking wet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 605

You deserved it 8 131

By Light Sleeper - 14/10/2012 04:24 - United States - Evansville

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend trying to initiate sex with me in my sleep. He confessed to thinking that if he did it lightly enough, I'd think I was just dreaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 049

You deserved it 4 497

By Anonymous - 04/12/2013 22:08 - United States - Marsing

Today, I told my boyfriend that I've missed my period, and that I think I might be pregnant. He started panicking and ended up puking in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 475

You deserved it 12 275

It's sus

By Anonymous - 04/01/2011 09:01 - New Zealand

Today, I went down on my boyfriend while he was drunk, and he told me to get protection from his bedroom. I came back, he was passed out on the couch. His parents then came into the room after hearing noises. I was sitting there naked holding a condom while he was fast asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 147

You deserved it 10 357

Hot and humid

By drooler - 06/08/2009 02:23 - United States

Today, I was watching a movie with my new boyfriend. I got tired so I thought it would be cute to fall asleep on him. He woke me up and said, "You got me wet." Thinking it was a joke, I said smoothly, "That's what she said!" He replied "No, really." I looked down, I'd drooled all over his shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 316

You deserved it 40 792

You probably do

By Anonymous - 09/08/2021 22:01

Today, I woke up after a really intense wet dream. Problem is, I'd fallen asleep in the living room. My little brother saw the whole thing. Now he's going around telling family I need to get some. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 154

You deserved it 234

By Darcy - 26/10/2011 06:58 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. He passionately laid me down onto the bed, both of us fully naked. Pressing down on my shoulder, he ended up dislocating it. The pain made me pee myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 576

You deserved it 4 584

By cutiekenz21 - 31/07/2011 00:45 - United States

Today, my boyfriend's mother walked in on us having sex. He started crying and ran into the bathroom where my clothes were located, leaving me to deal with his mother. Naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 818

You deserved it 8 381

Thanks!

By uh-oh - 21/07/2009 19:45 - United States

Today, I was taking a shower when my boyfriend suddenly hopped in with me. We were getting a little frisky when my mom's hand unexpectedly came through the curtain, dropped a condom on the bottom of the shower, all the while saying, "Keep it safe kids!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 127

You deserved it 30 927

That was quick

By Anonymous - 09/09/2012 12:03 - United States - Altamonte Springs

Today, while trying to rouse my sleeping boyfriend for some morning sex, he came. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 572

You deserved it 6 835

rgri 11

Saturday 7 December 2013 5:25

Try to convince him to wear a condom everytime he takes a nap, just to be safe.

ipierson 5

Saturday 7 December 2013 5:23

This is the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

Comments

jamalhol 5

Saturday 7 December 2013 15:48

Super sperm

Xotoolyxo 16

Saturday 7 December 2013 16:15

He should not be able to reproduce

egrudy 9

Saturday 7 December 2013 16:22

What's a wet dream? Those actually happen? Where's mine? I want one!jealous

AngelLovesDerby 10

Saturday 7 December 2013 16:38

Lmao he sounds like a keeper :/ ....

martin8337 35

Saturday 7 December 2013 17:26

You'll pin the baby on him, he'll deny it.

sydstoomuch 19

Saturday 7 December 2013 17:57

Hey.....anything's possible

uarudeassbitchyo 17

Saturday 7 December 2013 20:02

I laughed so hard I think I choked on my spit I CANT

girlymae 12

Saturday 7 December 2013 20:06

At least he was genuinely concerned, unlike a lot of guys who don't care if they get a girl knocked up.

ThatsABitch 4

Saturday 7 December 2013 21:39

Immature much? Probably too young to have sex in the first place.

sabriyyahwitter 6

Saturday 7 December 2013 23:12

This is the dumbest thing I've ever read.. If anything **** his life, he's an idiot

Keywords

Miscellaneous Sleep Awkward Love Weddings Television Money Relatable Snow Transportation Annoying Family Kids Pregnancy Mental health Empathy Toxic Food Animals Cats Argument Gamers Health Valentine's Day Gross Homeowners Home improvement Babysitter Drugs Music

The Top

Today, I’ve stayed close with my ex since cheating on him and marrying the guy I cheated on him with, 16 years ago. I realized I’m still in love with him but also love my husband. Both are down for a polyamorous relationship but not if the other is the other guy. Understandable, my bad karma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 1 112

Today, I was babysitting this 12 year old. We were watching a movie, and he was being an angel just laying with his head in my lap. He fell asleep so I closed my eyes and had a little nap. When I woke up he had taken my shirt off and was feeling up my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 581

You deserved it 15 091

The Top

Today, I was at my boyfriend's grandmother's house meeting her for the first time. I excused myself to the restroom and as I walked out of the room I heard her say, "You could do a lot better. She's fat." Then I heard my boyfriend reply, "I know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 821

You deserved it 5 592

Today, I was home alone. I didn't expect anyone to be anywhere near home, so when I got out of the shower, I walked to the living room, naked, to get the tv remote for my room. Only to find the UPS guy standing at our glass front door. I screamed... so did he. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 986

You deserved it 18 453

Today, while waiting at a bus stop, I took one Airpod out of my ear to put it in its case. However, it slipped out of my hand, and at that exact time, the bus pulled over and instantly crushed it. A replacement bud costs $95. FML

I agree, your life sucks 661

You deserved it 728

Today, my sixteen year old son told me that he's following his guidance counselor's advice: to do what his hero does for a living. The problem? His hero is SpongeBob Squarepants. His ambition in life is to become a fry cook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 383

You deserved it 4 634

Today, my husband changed the voice on my car's GPS to Mr T's. I don't know how to change it back. I've been saying, "I pity the fool" over and over again ever since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 176

You deserved it 5 489

Today, my new room-mate moved in. She spent over an hour obsessively searching the place for god knows what kind of secret recording devices, and now aggressively demands that I taste-test all of her pre-prepared meals to make sure they're not poisoned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 125

You deserved it 2 988