Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend drove 20 miles to come see me. The closest...

By Taylor - 21/04/2014 04:04 - United States - Dubuque

Today, my boyfriend drove 20 miles to come see me. The closest we got to intimacy was him showing me how he could unlock his iPhone 5s with his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 353

You deserved it 8 189

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Same thing different taste

By Rosie - 13/06/2012 16:07 - Germany - Wesel

Today, I woke up to the sight of my boyfriend playing a game on my iPhone with his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 385

You deserved it 5 246

By Skullie - 19/02/2012 05:40 - United States

Today, my boyfriend poked me on Facebook. I got excited because this is as close as he's come to touching me in weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 838

You deserved it 4 965

TMI, dude

By linren - 28/03/2009 18:40 - United States

Today, I was riding in the car with my new boyfriend. He had "something serious" to tell me. He started to emotionally confess his addiction to masturbation. In detail. The drive was two hours long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94 314

You deserved it 7 649

By Anonymous - 04/11/2009 21:42 - United States

Today, I drove three and a half hours to surprise my long distance boyfriend for our anniversary. He was out of town. Where was he? Three and a half hours away trying to surprise me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 636

You deserved it 8 167

Nice try

By bonzo - 22/06/2015 14:41 - Australia - Perth

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me after I drove two hours to his house, because he wanted to do it face to face. Then told me that if I wanted, we could have sex one last time, but I would have to leave right after, otherwise it would be weird. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 956

You deserved it 2 710

Needs

By Short end of the stick - 18/06/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, my long-distance boyfriend announced he’s sleeping with someone else and he can’t take the distance anymore. I literally drive 12 hours to see him every weekend. I just took a week off to spend time up there with him. So basically he can’t go 5 regular days of the week without sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 608

You deserved it 169

Quickie

By wasntworththedrive - 20/01/2010 06:43 - United States

Today, the guy that I've recently became close to texted me, wanting to hook up. He's very cute and I was definitely interested, so I agreed. The drive to his house lasted longer than the actual sex. He lives less than five minutes away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 737

You deserved it 4 921

By anne - 17/12/2011 03:46 - United States

Today, my husband called me to the bedroom to show me something. This "something" was him demonstrating his seemingly well-trained ability to accurately type out a sentence on my phone using nothing but his erect penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 866

You deserved it 6 011

Is that it?

By Better not - 24/01/2018 20:00 - United States - Kenai

Today, while on vacation with my boyfriend, I decided it would be a good time to try getting intimate with him for the first time. It turns out his penis is so small that I get more enjoyment from a tampon applicator. We're stuck in this cabin for another five days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 283

You deserved it 2 389

How very dare you?

By Anonymous - 16/08/2023 04:00

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he "couldn't handle the distance." He said he "couldn't commit to driving to see me long term." We live two hours apart, and I've driven to him every time; he never tried to come to me once. FML

I agree, your life sucks 867

You deserved it 150

graceinsheepwear 33

Monday 21 April 2014 16:20

Dick move.

Nmaredia 4

Monday 21 April 2014 16:18

At least you saw some action

Comments

Talis99 26

Tuesday 22 April 2014 9:16

No one borrow that phone.

OSJake 6

Tuesday 22 April 2014 9:57

He sounds cocky.

billie_joann 10

Tuesday 22 April 2014 14:04

Maybe that was his way of trying to make the first move. He may have thought it would turn you on but you didn't catch his move.

dingostacy 14

Tuesday 22 April 2014 17:19

At least he can still use his phone even if he has no hands

ijulez 14

Tuesday 22 April 2014 18:34

This is so stupid this has to be fake.

laden_swallow09 34

Tuesday 22 April 2014 18:39

Twenty miles? That's it? It takes me that far just to watch something at the movie theater. Add another zero to that figure…

zandylove 7

Wednesday 23 April 2014 0:36

Sounds like your married lol

my_user_name 7

Wednesday 23 April 2014 2:40

That was oddly specific about the type of phone your BF owns. That would be great if this were really an iPhone ad.

BlackPanther19 11

Wednesday 23 April 2014 4:51

This takes skill. Marry him

xThatOneWeirdGuy 18

Wednesday 23 April 2014 14:21

I'll have to try this...

Keywords

Embarrassing Love Poopoo peepee Miscellaneous Christmas Romantic Break-ups Money Annoying Gross Ironic Argument Friends Awkward Cute Haircut Holidays Lonely Relatable Work Bosses Capitalism You're fired Cars Covid Health Jealousy Cheating Parenting Kids

The Top

Today, I woke up feeling awful, having caught the same illness my boyfriend had last night. When he was sick, I skipped my friend's baby shower to take care of him. Now that I'm sick, he goes to a friend's place, says to call if I need him, then turns his phone off. Seriously. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 100

You deserved it 7 572

Today, I was bored, so I started to declutter my closet. I found a pair of jeans I hadn't worn in years and thought they'd fit. As I struggled to pull them on, the seam ripped really loud, and my cat shot out from under the bed like a spooked rocket. Apparently even my jeans feel the need to yell at me for getting too big. FML

I agree, your life sucks 466

You deserved it 300

The Top

Today, to enhance our sex life, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex in our local mall's parking lot. The feeling of getting caught is fun and exhilarating. Until you actually get caught. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 211

You deserved it 54 714

Today, I finally went to Home Depot to buy a chainsaw to cut down the tree leaning dangerously over my garage. When I got home, I found the tree had fallen and taken out the roof while I was shopping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 315

You deserved it 8 296

Today, I found out that my husband told his mom that she can move in with us once his time in the army is over. We are moving into my house, and he didn't think it was important to run it by me first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 683

You deserved it 3 284

Today, out of curiosity, I measured the length of my penis whilst in the shower. A couple of hours later, my father called me downstairs to show me something. Turns out I left the ruler on top of the shower tree. He won't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 786

You deserved it 38 446

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I thought she wasn't being serious when she said her mum wanted me to pay to stay the night at her house for the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 065

You deserved it 678

Today, I simultaneously learned that fracturing your penis is a thing that can happen while my wife fractured mine in the middle of some rough reverse cowgirl. My penis is now black and blue with an almost 90 degree bend, and to make it worse the ambulance guys thought it was funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 533

You deserved it 280