Love: Today, my boyfriend gave his penis a high five for not getting... - FML

By highfive - 17/10/2014 01:27 - United States - Dedham

Today, my boyfriend gave his penis a high five for not getting me pregnant. He does this every time I get my period. Every. Single. Time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 350

You deserved it 7 132

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
Enjoy Christmas stories where unexpected gifts and family reunions create lasting memories... and fun! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

There's an app for everything

By Anonymous - 09/04/2020 05:00

Today, my boyfriend told me that he could predict my periods because he keeps track of when I'm at my bitchiest each month. This wouldn't be so bad if he wasn't so accurate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 445

You deserved it 716

Surpriiiiiiise…

By Anonymous - 13/05/2022 12:00

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he might want kids one day, and he most definitely does not. In fact, he even thanked me for reminding him we need to stock up on condoms when we go shopping, plus he’s even considering a vasectomy just to make sure. I’m already pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 005

You deserved it 772

By MandMandM - 19/07/2010 06:38 - United States

Today, while I was at my boyfriend's house, I got my period. About an hour after I told him, he impatiently said, "Is it over yet?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 556

You deserved it 6 171

By Anonymous - 04/12/2013 22:08 - United States - Marsing

Today, I told my boyfriend that I've missed my period, and that I think I might be pregnant. He started panicking and ended up puking in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 470

You deserved it 12 273

By Anonymous - 30/10/2011 05:02 - United States

Today, my boyfriend clearly stated that I was "useless" when on my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 503

You deserved it 8 116

By uninspired - 28/01/2009 11:47 - United States

Today, my cheater of an ex-boyfriend sent me one of his many messages proclaiming his new-found love for me, and in the middle of it asked me how my period was going. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 391

You deserved it 2 285

By anon. - 17/01/2012 23:41 - United States

Today, I found out if I refuse my boyfriend anything in public, he will continually yell out, "Penis!" until he gets his way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 156

You deserved it 8 786

By Great. - 18/05/2012 15:05 - United States - Billings

Today, I told my boyfriend I loved him. He responded by fist pumping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 011

You deserved it 5 346

No kidding

By Anonymous - 14/03/2013 18:41 - United States - Portland

Today, my pregnancy test came back positive. My boyfriend is no fan of fatherhood, so it was with some hesitation that I called him and let him know I'm pregnant. He replied, "Like hell you are!" and hung up. He now refuses to answer any of my calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 921

You deserved it 10 865

By Jessie - 22/08/2019 12:01 - United Kingdom - Brighton

Today, I told my boyfriend of 4 years that I'm pregnant. He suggested we get a paternity test done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 890

You deserved it 332

Next

Top comments

Pwib 14

Friday 17 October 2014 10:01

Can you really give it "five" if it doesn't have a hand?

Misshhh 23

Friday 17 October 2014 10:02

One word: Condom

Comments

TurquoiseJesus 15

Friday 17 October 2014 19:23

Im not really seeing the issue here. He doesnt presently want kids, so hes celebrating the little occasions in life, which I think is a pretty healthy way to live one's life.

nemcali 34

Friday 17 October 2014 19:33

What about start using condoms?!

ostfaiz 18

Friday 17 October 2014 20:32

hope this continues ..

ac21714 4

Friday 17 October 2014 21:37

next time he does that, high five his penis with ur fist

ephram17 24

Friday 17 October 2014 22:40

Not seeing how this is an FML.... sorry.

Vannessa_arianna 4

Friday 17 October 2014 23:07

Maybe make him put a condom on?

FranticLol101 11

Friday 17 October 2014 23:15

More like an eye five

dragonrider1959 18

Friday 17 October 2014 23:28

You are lucky not to be cursed with his offspring. Also, why did you start dating him!

zombiekiller52 24

Friday 17 October 2014 23:57

You could tell him that you are late and just string him along for fu.

demonfacee 14

Saturday 18 October 2014 0:11

At least there's condoms. (:

3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10

Keywords

Holidays Miscellaneous Family Thanksgiving Politics Transportation AITA Am I overreacting? Cars Contraception Love Suspicious Cheating Pregnancy Christmas Scary Sex Awkward Weddings Embarrassing Singing My ex Friends Jealousy Health Poopoo peepee Relatable Mental health Therapy Covid

The Top

Today, I was brushing my teeth. As a bent down to spit my mouthful of toothpaste into the sink, my cat decided it would be a good time to stick his head right where I was spitting. I spit a huge glob of toothpaste on his head. He then shook it off all over me and the walls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 635

You deserved it 8 428

Today, my mom and I went to visit my Dad to wish him happy birthday. I was at a red light, waiting to make a left-hand turn into the only driveway, and once the light turned green, I was unable to go, because another car was coming out. Cars behind me were beeping. I was turning into the cemetery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 832

You deserved it 101

The Top

Today, while at a hotel for vacation with my brother and his wife, I was watching their two-month old daughter in the waterpark when a woman came up to me and said, "Aww your kid is so adorable! Don't worry, you'll get your figure back in no time." I'm a fourteen year old girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 694

You deserved it 5 298

Today, due to increasing frequency and severity of hypoglycemic symptoms, I went to the doctor. Apparently, the pill may have given me a rare form of temporary diabetes. She wants me to be a case study for the next 12 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 972

You deserved it 96

Today, a guy diagnosed with ALS and months to live told me he didn’t envy my job. Definitely including this on my end of year performance review… FML

I agree, your life sucks 845

You deserved it 109

Today, on my friend's birthday, I met a guy I really liked at a club, and he asked me to go home with him. At 2 a.m., my friend called but I missed her calls. When I woke up, she'd texted me pictures of all my things that I had at her place thrown outside in the snow. All because I didn’t go home with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 592

You deserved it 1 218

Today, I'm dead on my feet. My flatmate's alarm went off for 20 minutes at 5 a.m., which I heard and he didn't. A car alarm went off outside my window for half an hour at 7 a.m. My building fire alarm went off twice, at 8 and 8:10 a.m. Just let me sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 292

You deserved it 165

Today, I got an email from a guy to whom I sold my old phone to over eBay. Turns out I forgot to delete the nude photos of myself and my boyfriend that I had stored up. His email asked me for "any PIN numbers needed to use the phone, and oh by the way, nice tits." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 368

You deserved it 76 173