Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend referred to his penis as 'The Eye of Sauron'....

By anon - 18/01/2012 18:29 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend referred to his penis as 'The Eye of Sauron'. It didn't help when he pulled down his foreskin, pointed it in my direction and said 'I see you'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 575

You deserved it 5 604

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Same thing different taste

By LOTRfail - 27/07/2012 02:13 - United States - Malden

Today, my husband and I were watching Lord of the Rings. My husband told me he sees the eye of Sauron every time he goes down on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 324

You deserved it 4 076

Weird flex, but OK

By mrwilly - 02/01/2015 03:22 - United States - Corona

Today, as usual, my boyfriend referred to his penis in the third person as "Mr. Willy". Even during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 888

You deserved it 4 899

By again? - 15/03/2016 10:03 - United States - Olympia

Today, while making love to my boyfriend, I noticed that instead of looking at me, he was admiring himself in the mirror. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 425

You deserved it 2 508

Dirty talk

By Username - 24/02/2010 15:06

Today, as I was in the middle of giving my boyfriend head, he looked at me and said "Eat that cockmeat sandwich." He seriously thought it was a turn on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 781

You deserved it 4 767

Wrong sort of poking

By Anonymous - 22/09/2013 05:40 - United States - Brandon

Today, my boyfriend got out of the shower and tried to hit my forehead with his penis. He slipped and slapped me in the eye with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 193

You deserved it 9 739

By chewybarseventy - 24/08/2010 06:17 - United States

Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 499

You deserved it 11 071

By CALIdime_15 - 05/05/2012 05:42 - United States

Today, I watched my boyfriend have a full on conversation with his penis. He also talks to his penis nicer than he talks to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 361

You deserved it 4 920

By Anonymous - 15/07/2012 04:09 - United States - Aston

Today, my boyfriend told me that my vagina looks like Yoda. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 648

You deserved it 5 649

Beginner

By madzlovesgee - 16/05/2009 17:44 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were "fooling around." It started to get hot and he took out his penis for the first time. This was the first one I've seen in real life so I decided I'd complimented it. I had no idea what to say so I said, "It's pretty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 875

You deserved it 53 385

Chemistry

By Anonymous - 21/01/2023 10:00

Today, I got my boyfriend's pants down for the first time and turns out my thumb is bigger than his erect penis. I already know he has weak tongue technique, but this is an extra slap in the face I do not need. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 218

You deserved it 364

dogpup4 23

Wednesday 18 January 2012 22:15

This really doesn't seem as bad when you don't misread boyfriend as brother. Like I did.

ilovetylerseguin 0

Wednesday 18 January 2012 22:15

he's a keeper

Comments

ninjabunny56 0

Thursday 19 January 2012 2:40

I would be a little creeped out but atleast he gots humor

grad2012 3

Thursday 19 January 2012 2:49

pics or it didnt happen

taytaysauce 0

Thursday 19 January 2012 3:00

You found it funny right ?

corypoops 5

Thursday 19 January 2012 3:14

You deserved it for dating a guy with foreskin

chitown23 4

Thursday 19 January 2012 3:53

Gross your boyfriend has an ant eater

ive4g10how2fly 0

Thursday 19 January 2012 4:00

Ew! Who isn't circumcised?!

Incogneterpeter 1

Thursday 19 January 2012 4:01

This is probably the funniest penis story I have ever heard

viperxcity 0

Thursday 19 January 2012 4:05

Hahahahahahahahahahah

djmacncheeze 6

Thursday 19 January 2012 4:13

YOU SHALL NOT PASS!

tHEkAYjAy 0

Thursday 19 January 2012 4:17

Lmfao!!

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I found out my fiancé has been sleeping with his therapist behind my back. If that wasn't bad enough on its own, I'd talked him into starting therapy six months ago to help with his mental health troubles, and have been mostly paying for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 374

You deserved it 229

Today, while losing my virginity to my boyfriend, I had my first orgasm. I don't remember much of what I said during, but after it was all over, he looks at me and says, "You have terrible grammar during climax." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 359

You deserved it 5 630

The Top

Today, my sister is nursing an injured cat back to health in our home because she accidentally hit it with her car. Now I can't decide which is contributing more to my insomnia: the incessant meowing, or the constant itching because our house is infested with fleas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 476

You deserved it 3 481

Today, yet again, I got into an argument with my dad. I have a PhD in the subject. But he's "entitled to his opinion", for, as he said, he's read a summary of the history of the country in a tourist guidebook, and the general view doesn't have to be based on more detailed information. He also corrects me when I speak the language, which he doesn't know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 908

You deserved it 190

Today, while trying some new kinky things with my boyfriend, he cried out, "Call me Jesus!" Yeah... I think we're done with that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 154

You deserved it 4 556

Today, an actual doctor told me I’ve been “passed around like a bong at a party”, referring to how many doctors have treated my MS condition. Worse yet, I responded with, “Don’t worry, I’m used to it”, without realising how that would sound. FML

I agree, your life sucks 750

You deserved it 126

Today, my pre-teen brother has started using the entire Axe line because he believes that it will give him an "edge with the ladies". He insists on using the products at least three times a day, including before bedtime. I'm allergic to anything that is perfumed. We share a room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 640

You deserved it 3 618

Today, I sneezed while my ID photo was being taken. I look like a total moron in it. The photographer refused to retake the photo because I "clearly" faked the sneeze just to be funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 064

You deserved it 1 787