Miscellaneous: Today, my brother got a pet ferret. He told me it had a flexible...

By ashleyrae - 29/06/2011 14:55 - United States

Today, my brother got a pet ferret. He told me it had a flexible spine, so I bent it backwards. It farted, and clawed my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 344

You deserved it 87 205

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Same thing different taste

By parkertownparadise - 16/02/2012 07:43 - United States

Today, after applying for a job at the local pet store, I picked up a ferret. It began licking my cheek, causing me to turn my head. It then latched onto my ear and hung like a giant furry hoop earring. I screamed, then quietly left the building. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 185

You deserved it 4 782

Unpleasant

By Anonymous - 13/05/2023 14:00 - United Kingdom - Barnsley

Today, my brother tried to sit on my head and fart, except he followed through. It didn’t make it past his trousers but for a few brief seconds before he ran to the bathroom I could smell it and feel how warm it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 864

You deserved it 102

CLAWS

By Anonymous - 07/06/2009 15:53 - United States

Today, I was playing around with my sister's kitten. As a joke, I put him underneath the sheets and farted. He attacked my nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 973

You deserved it 416 910

By Christine - 09/05/2009 06:08 - United States

Today, I saw my little brother playing with my new kitten. He is only five and isn't very gentle so I took the cat away and told him "You can't play with the cat! I don't think he likes you very much!" In a joking tone. The cat then bit and clawed my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 000

You deserved it 51 207

By smellsofeggs - 26/11/2009 21:13 - United Kingdom

Today, I was having a playful fight with my brother. I made the point that our dog likes me better than him. To this, my dog jumped onto the sofa, turned to me and vomited on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 065

You deserved it 8 506

By NaniNarcotic - 16/08/2011 10:17 - Australia

Today, I thought it'd be funny to knee my sister's ass as she was bending over. What I didn't realise was that she was trying to pick up a spider. In shock, she threw it in the air and it landed on my chest. I ran into a wall trying to get it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 881

You deserved it 73 485

By smells like ass - 29/12/2016 03:05

Today, my brother tried to ninja-kick his dirty underwear up into his hand. He failed and it landed on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 048

You deserved it 418

By hellphone_fml - 22/11/2018 03:00

Today, my brother's new kitten decided to bring me a gift as a sign of love. It was my pet hamster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 912

You deserved it 302

By Anonymous - 23/05/2012 01:24 - United States

Today, I found out that my little brother has been rubbing my toothbrush in dog shit for the last month because I accidentally broke one of his toys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 463

You deserved it 4 677

By lexigan4 - 29/10/2014 19:39 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my little brother making a Devil's trap so he could capture the demon he thinks is possessing my hamster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 229

You deserved it 3 743

WinterPerfection 3

Wednesday 29 June 2011 19:00

What if the spine wasn't flexible?!

FriskyTaco 0

Wednesday 29 June 2011 19:01

he told you it had a flexible spine so you tried to kill it??

Comments

onthetoilet 3

Wednesday 29 June 2011 19:20

that's great it made my day

DocBastard 38

Wednesday 29 June 2011 19:27

I'm assuming "bend the ferret backwards" is a euphemism for masturbation, and you just farted on yourself. Right? Right?

HannahForbesxo 13

Wednesday 29 June 2011 19:34

His brother got the ferret, so he wanked his brother off! To each, their own I suppose. Haha look at all these silly people thinking that OP means the animal. Gosh.

Roskosity 22

Wednesday 29 June 2011 19:35

Hahaha. Awesome.

FruityLoooons 8

Wednesday 29 June 2011 19:27

Right? Why would anyone in their right mind do that? -__-

NYkid2K8 5

Wednesday 29 June 2011 19:28

Poor ferret. Why would you bend it backwards??

HannahForbesxo 13

Wednesday 29 June 2011 19:28

*Facepalm* OP you must have minute if any, common sense at all. I don't even understand what could have possibly been going through your head when you thought that it sounded like a good idea.

mexicant2011 0

Sunday 3 July 2011 9:11

dayummm

khaya 9

Wednesday 29 June 2011 19:30

Do not ever give a man a hand job.

WiteBoyThatCan 0

Wednesday 29 June 2011 20:19

lol Chang you're so funny

fthku 13

Wednesday 29 June 2011 19:30

People who think they can do anything to their pets just because it's cute and funny to us are the reason pets get aggressive in the first place. If you'd mess with your friendssiblings the same way some people do with their pets half the time it would probably end up with a punch to the face.