Miscellaneous: Today, my brother got a pet ferret. He told me it had a flexible... - FML

By ashleyrae - 29/06/2011 14:55 - United States

Today, my brother got a pet ferret. He told me it had a flexible spine, so I bent it backwards. It farted, and clawed my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 344

You deserved it 87 205

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Same thing different taste

By parkertownparadise - 16/02/2012 07:43 - United States

Today, after applying for a job at the local pet store, I picked up a ferret. It began licking my cheek, causing me to turn my head. It then latched onto my ear and hung like a giant furry hoop earring. I screamed, then quietly left the building. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 185

You deserved it 4 782

Unpleasant

By Anonymous - 13/05/2023 14:00 - United Kingdom - Barnsley

Today, my brother tried to sit on my head and fart, except he followed through. It didn’t make it past his trousers but for a few brief seconds before he ran to the bathroom I could smell it and feel how warm it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 864

You deserved it 102

CLAWS

By Anonymous - 07/06/2009 15:53 - United States

Today, I was playing around with my sister's kitten. As a joke, I put him underneath the sheets and farted. He attacked my nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 973

You deserved it 416 910

By Christine - 09/05/2009 06:08 - United States

Today, I saw my little brother playing with my new kitten. He is only five and isn't very gentle so I took the cat away and told him "You can't play with the cat! I don't think he likes you very much!" In a joking tone. The cat then bit and clawed my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 000

You deserved it 51 207

By smellsofeggs - 26/11/2009 21:13 - United Kingdom

Today, I was having a playful fight with my brother. I made the point that our dog likes me better than him. To this, my dog jumped onto the sofa, turned to me and vomited on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 065

You deserved it 8 506

By NaniNarcotic - 16/08/2011 10:17 - Australia

Today, I thought it'd be funny to knee my sister's ass as she was bending over. What I didn't realise was that she was trying to pick up a spider. In shock, she threw it in the air and it landed on my chest. I ran into a wall trying to get it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 881

You deserved it 73 485

By smells like ass - 29/12/2016 03:05

Today, my brother tried to ninja-kick his dirty underwear up into his hand. He failed and it landed on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 048

You deserved it 418

By hellphone_fml - 22/11/2018 03:00

Today, my brother's new kitten decided to bring me a gift as a sign of love. It was my pet hamster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 912

You deserved it 302

By Anonymous - 23/05/2012 01:24 - United States

Today, I found out that my little brother has been rubbing my toothbrush in dog shit for the last month because I accidentally broke one of his toys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 463

You deserved it 4 677

By lexigan4 - 29/10/2014 19:39 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my little brother making a Devil's trap so he could capture the demon he thinks is possessing my hamster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 229

You deserved it 3 743

Next

Top comments

WinterPerfection 3

Wednesday 29 June 2011 19:00

What if the spine wasn't flexible?!

FriskyTaco 0

Wednesday 29 June 2011 19:01

he told you it had a flexible spine so you tried to kill it??

Comments

Doortje 29

Wednesday 29 June 2011 19:32

Be glad you didn't kill the poor fella. YDI.

hokesmash 0

Wednesday 29 June 2011 19:33

bitch! u could of paralized it! >:( i have a ferret 2

CanadianChickie 9

Wednesday 29 June 2011 19:40

You, and your brother are both idiots. Poor Ferret.

sxe_beast 11

Wednesday 29 June 2011 19:40

The OP is ******* mental. I could totally imagine him throwing a cat off a 20 story building to test "Cats always land on their feet"..

Andrewlostnow 3

Wednesday 29 June 2011 19:41

......wow

juicedboi 7

Wednesday 29 June 2011 19:41

When I read bending backwards I expected a terrible result. thankfully I was wrong. But you are still a douche for bending it backwards, as if any good could possibly come of it

Svetlana22 8

Wednesday 29 June 2011 19:42

Wtf is wrong with you are you retarded this is why America is failing as a country people like you

atroxletum 6

Wednesday 29 June 2011 23:29

If you could replace the amount of fail in that sentence, with commas, you might be grammatically correct.

aaaahhDamn 0

Wednesday 29 June 2011 19:43

Why the hell did you just bend it backwards? You dumb ****.

KymanxStenny 2

Wednesday 29 June 2011 19:45

ydi dumbass

nikkinq 7

Wednesday 29 June 2011 19:46

just because something CAN bend backwards doesn't mean you should force it to do so. animal cruelty! you should be reported.

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Today, I was babysitting this 12 year old. We were watching a movie, and he was being an angel just laying with his head in my lap. He fell asleep so I closed my eyes and had a little nap. When I woke up he had taken my shirt off and was feeling up my boobs. FML

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You deserved it 15 053

Today, I came across a street musician. He looked extremely well-fed already, but his music was pretty good, so I gave him some spare change. As soon as I turned away, he started screaming at me for being "cheap", and chased me half a block before running out of breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 738

You deserved it 4 239

The Top

Today, I was walking down the street and I saw my brother on the other side of the road. He lives overseas and always told me he would visit when I least expected it. When I saw him, I got so excited I jumped on his back, screaming his name. It wasn't my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 110

You deserved it 61 014

Today, I tried to tell my best friend how wrong she is to be dating a married man, whose wife happens to be pregnant with their first child. Our talk ended with her calling me a "meddling, frigid bitch" and me being told this is why I can't get laid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 235

You deserved it 2 812

Today, I was packing up to move when I decided to take a break. I went to get some water from the sink when a bug fell into my cup. Needless to say, I'm glad I'm moving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 791

You deserved it 97

Today, I went for a run. When I got home, no one was there so I took off my clothes and laid on the cool wood floor. I decided to call my girlfriend and we started talking in baby voices. That's when my mom walked into the house witnessing everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 835

You deserved it 37 146

Today, I was mad at my mother. Why? We went to parent-teacher interviews, and she told my math teacher that she should allow bathroom breaks because I have a "very heavy menstrual flow." My teacher suggested I eat more red meat. They got into a seven-minute argument about this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 138

You deserved it 2 803

Today, my friends and I went out for drinks. I'm the only one who's actually 21 or over, and they have fake IDs. Not only was I the only one to be carded, the bartender thought that my actual ID was fake. I got kicked out while my friends kept drinking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 537

You deserved it 4 479