Health: Today, my constant constipation has become a running joke in...

By aswamk - 19/12/2015 05:01 - Pakistan - Karachi

Today, my constant constipation has become a running joke in my family; I heard my mom tell my dad that if he wants to keep his Christmas presents safe, he should ask me to eat them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 991

You deserved it 1 713

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Same thing different taste

Bunged up

By Anonymous - 28/06/2013 03:57 - United States

Today, after months of incredibly painful stomach cramps, I convinced my mom that I needed to see a doctor. Not even 2 minutes into the exam, the doctor tells me that I'm heavily constipated and advised some "prune juice" to help "clear all that shit out". My mom won't stop laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 705

You deserved it 5 790

By firegirl - 05/07/2018 15:00

Today, I finally got over a long bout of constipation. I was scared to ask my mom for laxatives because I had the feeling she would tell all her friends, but on the 6th day of absolutely no bowel movements, I caved. I later overheard my mom telling all her friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 914

You deserved it 373

By tracy4191 - 13/06/2016 15:27 - United States - Ponchatoula

Today, I found out my grandma has been slipping laxatives into my food. Apparently, I was constipated once as a child and "once constipated, always constipated." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 519

You deserved it 813

By Anonymous - 17/11/2009 20:05 - United States

Today, I was at home with slight constipation, so I took two laxatives. That's when my boyfriend called me, saying his parents are in town and want to have dinner tonight, this being the first time I've met them. I've already been on the toilet five times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 560

You deserved it 5 933

I've known for ages

By Crap - 28/01/2010 05:01 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor for horrible stomach pains. He said I had an abnormal amount of stool in me, and that I'd need to flush it out. I called my mom and told her what happened, to which she responded, "I always knew you were full of shit, I didn't need a doctor to tell me that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 080

You deserved it 7 183

By Anonymous - 01/06/2016 11:05 - Canada - Saint-laurent

Today, I've been chronically constipated so long that I was actually grateful for the sudden blast of diarrhea that ruined my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 516

You deserved it 869

Keep your nose out of my life

By maggie - 24/05/2021 04:00

Today, while buying laxatives and really hoping the cashier wouldn’t make some snarky comment, the cashier said, "You know, that’s not a good way to lose weight." I had to explain to him that I’m actually constipated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 054

You deserved it 104

Leave me alone

By emoflowers - 10/04/2012 02:51 - United States - Amarillo

Today, my mother made me see the doctor to see if I had irritable bowel syndrome, on the account of how often I go to the restroom. I then had to admit I only go in there to get away from my family. My doctor thought it was hilarious. My mom didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 529

You deserved it 3 342

Famous for something

By leaflady03 - 27/04/2021 00:30

Today, my mom won’t stop calling up all her friends and family and even telling complete strangers about my "bowel problems." Even at parties, she talks about my pooping habits every chance she gets. This isn’t what I want to be known for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 183

You deserved it 108

By clashgurl8449 - 17/02/2011 08:08

Today, my boyfriend fed me chocolate chip cookies with laxatives in them because he was concerned I did not poop enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 431

You deserved it 4 269

UndeadFML 22

Sunday 20 December 2015 6:06

Well we know one thing that's not running. You to the bathroom.

Tripartita 44

Sunday 20 December 2015 6:21

This is literally one of the least shitty situations on here.

Comments

CaptainSmith28 19

Sunday 20 December 2015 6:25

Takes me back to that classic Weird Al tune...

poisonedpeanuts 22

Sunday 20 December 2015 8:21

Which one would that be exactly??

Lalala579121 27

Sunday 20 December 2015 9:55

Come on 23, you should know what one. It's that one that's a classic.

KhaleesiDannie 26

Sunday 20 December 2015 16:24

How was I supposed to know that we were both related?

TheFount 21

Sunday 20 December 2015 6:28

I would guess that a joke about you would be anything but "running."

John_in_Oz 11

Sunday 20 December 2015 6:48

If you can take a joke upon yourself in good humour, your will be popular. In this case, as someone with no reason to mislead you, I tell you that really is a funny quip.

Lalala579121 27

Sunday 20 December 2015 9:57

Generally, any joke about bodily functions, or lack thereof, will just make you more unpopular. Even if you play into it.

spatula232 25

Sunday 20 December 2015 7:06

..."running joke"...

AlbertNeinstein 10

Sunday 20 December 2015 7:07

Well you can say your dad doesn't give a shit.... Badum tssss. K I'll stop

SoakedAndSad 2

Sunday 20 December 2015 7:16

I know this might not be helpful in this site, but I struggled with chronic constipation for a really long time, and thought I'd pass along something that might help? If you haven't already, try docusate sodium pills. They've worked wonders for me and several other people I know. Good luck!