Intimacy: Today, my dad and I were watching Hawaii play the Navy in football....

By hawaiianlovechild - 29/11/2009 07:09 - United States

Today, my dad and I were watching Hawaii play the Navy in football. I cheered when Hawaii won. My dad turns to me and says, "You know your mother and I concieved you there?" Thanks Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 532

You deserved it 3 938

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
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Same thing different taste

By blenderbookf - 25/11/2010 18:33 - United States

Today, my dad was completely engrossed in a football game on TV, so, trying to be cute and funny, my mom flashed him. He didn't notice, but I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 044

You deserved it 3 195

By meunluckycharms - 14/09/2015 19:54 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I brought a boy home for the first time, only to have my dad ask him what his mother's maiden name was. When he answered, my dad exclaimed, "Oh yeah! I think I dated her in high school. I could be your father!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 677

You deserved it 1 849

By amore89 - 28/07/2019 12:00

Today, I was with my dad at the supermarket and this guy was checking me out. My dad yells at him with a grin, "I know! I make beautiful babies!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 882

You deserved it 243

TMI

By Anonymous - 16/01/2013 21:08 - United States - San Marcos

Today, my mom wished me a "Happy Conception Day." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 561

You deserved it 4 471

By LoveMyNewBro - 04/01/2011 10:56

Today, my dad told me he had been seeing someone for a while and has decided to marry her. When I met her, her son looked familiar. I lost my virginity to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 157

You deserved it 5 928

By Anonymous - 22/04/2009 21:46 - United States

Today, I went to my son's soccer game. I cheered his name at the top my lungs and waved with a grin on my face. I saw him whisper something to a team mate so I watched the film my husband took later that night. His friend asked, "Who is that?" and my son replied, "I don't know some fat bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 101 715

You deserved it 19 199

Great joke Dad, thanks

By Anonymous - 05/07/2014 17:53 - United States

Today, my dad interrupted my job interview with a phone call, just to say, "I fucked your mom." No shit, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 894

You deserved it 7 910

Stay classy

By Anonymous - 30/12/2010 19:23 - United Kingdom

Today, I met my father for the first time since I was a baby. The first comment out of his mouth was, "I bet all the boys love those motherfucking bazongas, don't they?" Hi, Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 788

You deserved it 3 798

By kaitylait - 19/08/2011 00:59 - Canada

Today, I told my dad I was going to the gym. He stood up and clapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 537

You deserved it 11 128

By Anonymous - 26/09/2014 20:00 - United States - Schaumburg

Today, I got back home from work and casually asked my dad, "What's up?" He casually replied, "Wishing I'd had a son instead." and stared glassy-eyed at me until I left the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 014

You deserved it 3 045

Stumblebum30 5

Sunday 29 November 2009 13:27

why is this a FML ?

Moeey 0

Sunday 29 November 2009 12:12

Aloha?

Comments

waywick 0

Saturday 6 March 2010 7:18

he was being nice - he didn't tell you the part about how you were an accident and how you tainted all their memories of that vacation

tme829 1

Monday 22 March 2010 1:51

nothin like some good ol family history

skitzoyd 0

Saturday 3 April 2010 5:19

How is this an fml?

skitzoyd 0

Saturday 3 April 2010 5:20

And my friend was concieved on a kitchen table so that beats this story! Ha! Suck it!

nasat 0

Monday 19 April 2010 14:54

and??? why is that an FML? it's not even funny it's just lame!

Kingjosh1992 4

Friday 23 April 2010 0:08

so. not a big deal.

Miss_gord 0

Tuesday 8 June 2010 8:12

tmi

adorkable1515 0

Saturday 21 August 2010 16:43

Same happened to me... Except my dad decided he needed to show the hotel in which it happened, and even pointed to where the room was...

maddie_lovesyou 0

Thursday 21 July 2011 16:50

haha there is nothing wrong with that I'd love to be born there

maddie_lovesyou 0

Thursday 21 July 2011 16:50

haha there is nothing wrong with that I'd love to be born there

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Today, my roommate wanted me to try out a new bus route home, I knew it might take longer but she really wanted me to try, so I went with her. After waiting for ages at The Exchange bus stop for the last bus home, we missed it, and had to take an Uber. FML

I agree, your life sucks 563

You deserved it 174

Today, I was at the gym on the elliptical. Feeling proud of myself for finishing a very intense workout, I looked to my left to see that the maintenance guy fixing the machine next to me had burned more calories testing the machine than I did during my entire workout. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 580

You deserved it 5 576

The Top

Today, I walked in on my 17 year-old son masturbating. He froze, raised his hand and tried to use the "force" to remove the memory. I'm regretting ever having let him watch Star Wars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 854

You deserved it 476

Today, I went on a coffee date with a man I met online. His "friend" had tagged along. We were having a good conversation, until the friend pulls out his laptop and says, "So let me tell you a little bit about our travel business," and talked about a pyramid scheme for an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 931

You deserved it 1 381

Today, I passed out in my kitchen and was woken up by my dog. Not because she was worried about me, but because my body was blocking her food dish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 484

You deserved it 2 977

Today, I walked in on my dad giving my mom a striptease. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 781

You deserved it 7 594

Today, I was in a rush, so I was removing my nail polish while using the toilet. Everything was going fine, until I used the toilet paper in my hand to wipe. It was covered in nail polish remover. It still burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 294

You deserved it 20 774

Today, I called off my engagement with my now ex-girlfriend. Yesterday, while drunk at a get-together with all our friends, she admitted she's still in love with her best friend, and only went out with me to forget about him, but is still pining for him anyway. She doesn't understand why that factoid might upset me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 802

You deserved it 132

Same thing different taste

TMI

Great joke Dad, thanks

Stay classy

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