Intimacy: Today, my dad gave me the sex talk. After telling me all the...

By accident - 14/02/2014 22:41 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my dad gave me the sex talk. After telling me all the stuff I already knew, he told me never to use Durex condoms. He said, "They break a lot. That's the only reason you're around today, really." then chuckled to himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 059

You deserved it 5 829

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Same thing different taste

By my honest father - 10/07/2013 16:33 - United States - Kansas City

Today, while having a serious talk with my father, he said, "Son, you're only alive because of a faulty, off-brand condom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 065

You deserved it 3 750

By confused_girl - 01/08/2013 05:10 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, I got the sex talk from my dad. It wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't said, "It's not the size of the stick, it's how you use it." I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 396

You deserved it 5 041

By fml - 22/06/2009 09:03 - United States

Today, I told my dad I was going to Walgreens and asked if he needed anything. He needed condoms, and that I should call him when I get there so he can explain the kind he likes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 450

You deserved it 5 479

By diesel444 - 23/08/2010 05:05 - United States

Today, I mentioned to my dad (we have a close relationship) that my last condom had expired. Happy to buy me new ones for the sake of safe sex, he asked me "Do you need small, or extra small?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 840

You deserved it 23 198

Don't wanna know

By Anonymous - 16/02/2011 05:50

Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 212

You deserved it 4 187

By CallaC - 15/03/2012 02:01 - Canada

Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 514

You deserved it 2 901

Good catch

By Anonymous - 17/03/2011 23:52 - United States

Today, my father came over to my house. I realized there were condoms on the table, so I subtly moved a vase to hide them. He then gave me an unamused look and said, "I know you have sex. You've been married for nine years. Grow the fuck up, dumbass." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 586

You deserved it 91 008

By thanks mom ¬_¬ - 24/08/2013 22:05 - United States - Carlsbad

Today, my mom visited my new apartment for the first time. I was showing her the bedroom, when she looked into my opened sock drawer and said, "Using Durex, eh? Yeah, you were born 'cause a Trojan split." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 709

You deserved it 4 741

By more than I wanted to know - 13/05/2013 19:10 - Italy - San Giustino

Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk, except it wasn't really a talk, but rather him making me watch a hardcore porn video with him as he commented on what the actors were doing. I had to listen to all this and ignore his obvious erection for almost an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85 198

You deserved it 5 876

ED FML

By Anonymous - 22/04/2011 02:55 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to console my drunk dad over his girlfriend breaking up with him. When he said, "You know why we broke up don't you?" I replied, "Yeah, you were fighting a lot, right?" Wrong. I then had to explain to him that his erectile dysfunction wasn't something to be embarrassed about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 347

You deserved it 3 515

mea_iloveskiing 26

Saturday 15 February 2014 5:13

I'm sure he loves you :)

thief1434 23

Saturday 15 February 2014 5:14

The question is, what condoms did he recommend?

Comments

DurexSux 5

Saturday 15 February 2014 13:28

He's not wrong :p

skyeyez9 24

Saturday 15 February 2014 15:27

Well, you are alive and here. He and your mom loved you enough to bring you into this world and not abort you. I was conceived at a party with lots of alcohol and debauchery involved or so I was told. So I was an "oops" baby as well. Not a big deal.

sporkadork 7

Saturday 15 February 2014 17:51

Its ok, I was an accident, as was my brother. My sister was the only one who was planned. They wanted three kids, just slightly different timing. I think a lot more people are "surprises" than they realize.

gennyv 29

Saturday 15 February 2014 17:54

Funny how he told you on Valentine's Day ;)

LalaDee561 8

Saturday 15 February 2014 18:00

It's OK OP. I was a mistake too. I came five years earlier than what my mom wanted, so don't feel bad. That's ****** up though.

worldclassrager 39

Saturday 15 February 2014 18:16

Maybe he used that so that you could be around? Don't worry about it...at least you weren't aborted...

Robert1989 9

Saturday 15 February 2014 20:35

well at least we know your mon dont swollow.

havok87 11

Sunday 16 February 2014 0:05

Durex do suck.

Cadillac4427 8

Sunday 16 February 2014 5:02

Magnum is the way to go dear.. and they feel great.- Should it feel creepy? A grown woman telling this to teenager who essentially might be under 18? Where is Doc Bastard when you need him for advice ?