Intimacy: Today, my dad gave me the sex talk. After telling me all the...

By accident - 14/02/2014 22:41 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my dad gave me the sex talk. After telling me all the stuff I already knew, he told me never to use Durex condoms. He said, "They break a lot. That's the only reason you're around today, really." then chuckled to himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 059

You deserved it 5 829

The rhythm of the fight
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Same thing different taste

By my honest father - 10/07/2013 16:33 - United States - Kansas City

Today, while having a serious talk with my father, he said, "Son, you're only alive because of a faulty, off-brand condom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 065

You deserved it 3 750

By confused_girl - 01/08/2013 05:10 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, I got the sex talk from my dad. It wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't said, "It's not the size of the stick, it's how you use it." I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 396

You deserved it 5 041

By fml - 22/06/2009 09:03 - United States

Today, I told my dad I was going to Walgreens and asked if he needed anything. He needed condoms, and that I should call him when I get there so he can explain the kind he likes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 450

You deserved it 5 479

By diesel444 - 23/08/2010 05:05 - United States

Today, I mentioned to my dad (we have a close relationship) that my last condom had expired. Happy to buy me new ones for the sake of safe sex, he asked me "Do you need small, or extra small?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 840

You deserved it 23 198

Don't wanna know

By Anonymous - 16/02/2011 05:50

Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 212

You deserved it 4 187

By CallaC - 15/03/2012 02:01 - Canada

Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 514

You deserved it 2 901

Good catch

By Anonymous - 17/03/2011 23:52 - United States

Today, my father came over to my house. I realized there were condoms on the table, so I subtly moved a vase to hide them. He then gave me an unamused look and said, "I know you have sex. You've been married for nine years. Grow the fuck up, dumbass." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 586

You deserved it 91 008

By thanks mom ¬_¬ - 24/08/2013 22:05 - United States - Carlsbad

Today, my mom visited my new apartment for the first time. I was showing her the bedroom, when she looked into my opened sock drawer and said, "Using Durex, eh? Yeah, you were born 'cause a Trojan split." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 709

You deserved it 4 741

By more than I wanted to know - 13/05/2013 19:10 - Italy - San Giustino

Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk, except it wasn't really a talk, but rather him making me watch a hardcore porn video with him as he commented on what the actors were doing. I had to listen to all this and ignore his obvious erection for almost an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85 198

You deserved it 5 876

ED FML

By Anonymous - 22/04/2011 02:55 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to console my drunk dad over his girlfriend breaking up with him. When he said, "You know why we broke up don't you?" I replied, "Yeah, you were fighting a lot, right?" Wrong. I then had to explain to him that his erectile dysfunction wasn't something to be embarrassed about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 347

You deserved it 3 515

mea_iloveskiing 26

Saturday 15 February 2014 5:13

I'm sure he loves you :)

thief1434 23

Saturday 15 February 2014 5:14

The question is, what condoms did he recommend?

Comments

khaoticpanda 28

Saturday 15 February 2014 6:44

He was being funny. Oh no!

Secret_Ninjaa 35

Saturday 15 February 2014 7:00

*sarcasm* well im sure that was nice to know.

fearthefire16 6

Saturday 15 February 2014 7:03

Never had a durex break... only Trojans

Falloutreaping 7

Saturday 15 February 2014 7:30

It's true ya know, those condoms suck bad

FlyingPie 17

Saturday 15 February 2014 7:32

Even if that's true, what kind of parent lets their child know that?

skyttlz 32

Saturday 15 February 2014 8:56

Crap, I don't remember what brand my partner used. Hope it was something good.

beaverteaser 16

Saturday 15 February 2014 9:04

your life depends on latex thin?

an3ph 20

Saturday 15 February 2014 10:23

Sorry. The important thing is that you're here now.

yuzuru_fml 12

Saturday 15 February 2014 11:40

The less you know , the happier you are .

romzfml 9

Saturday 15 February 2014 13:09

#2 you're genius. maybe he should post an fml to it right?

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Today, my wife has video of me asleep on the sofa, clearly having a vivid sex dream, with a raging erection, ending with me having an orgasm that soaked through the front of my shorts, leaving a wet spot, which she helpfully zoomed in on just to really illustrate my shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 612

You deserved it 181

Today, my phone wasn't working properly. After sending out 40 texts and getting no replies, I decided to test my phone by sending it a text from my old phone. The text came through straight away. Turns out my phone's working perfectly and 40 people are just ignoring me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 534

You deserved it 12 248

The Top

Today, I was arguing with one of my professors. She said that all married couples fight and I told her that my parents have never argued or fought about anything. When I got home my parents told me that they're getting a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 014

You deserved it 13 478

Today, my friend was having a party. It was going good until I got the hiccups really bad, and they wouldn't go away. My friend decided to scare them away by shooting a pellet gun right next to my head. Bad news: It blew out my eardrum. I still have the hiccups. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 921

You deserved it 5 168

Today, I went grocery shopping but once at the store I realized that I'd forgotten my shopping list at home. I ended up buying a bunch of random items using basic guesswork and forgetting what I had originally gone to the store for. I now have two avocados, even though I hate avocados. FML

I agree, your life sucks 159

You deserved it 1 239

Today, I had been practicing for a solo in a choir I’m in. I finally got it down and was all ready to audition. On audition night, the choir director let me try out, then decided all the sopranos should sing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 803

You deserved it 126

Today, I got naked after coming home. It's super hot where I live and I wanted to cool down before getting dressed again. As I was standing there, minding my own business, the cat I'm pet-sitting for a friend reached up and clawed me on the vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 943

You deserved it 230

Today, I was at Walmart and I asked a guy working there where the scrapbooking stuff was. He led me to the aisle where it was and then said, "By the way, I don't work here." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 046

You deserved it 31 653

Same thing different taste

Don't wanna know

Good catch

ED FML

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