Miscellaneous: Today, my dad saw on TV that in some parts of Africa, it's not...

By Watchtower? More like fortress. - 19/10/2012 21:39 - Norway - Oslo

Today, my dad saw on TV that in some parts of Africa, it's not uncommon for people to attach make-shift flamethrowers to their cars to defend against carjackers. He's now lost his mind and is forcing me to help him put one together to scare off Jehovah's Witnesses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 773

You deserved it 2 521

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

By GEE, THANKS DAD - 28/09/2012 22:21 - United States

Today, my dad forced me to take part in a pathetic act of revenge against our neighbors, who keep parking their 4x4 in front of our house. He made me stand watch while he kept trying to slash their tires. An hour later, we were waiting for my mom to bail us out of jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 415

You deserved it 8 464

He's a very naughty boy

By Anonymous - 29/03/2020 08:00

Today, a Jehovah's Witness followed me around, talking about Jesus. My dad's a pastor. I hear this stuff all day, every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 682

You deserved it 190

Survivor

By whyyy - 21/11/2011 23:26 - United States

Today, I came home to find my dad's mid-life crisis has finally started. He's blacked all our windows, barricaded the door to the backyard, and set up a bunch of security cameras in and out of the house. It seems he's been reading up on Survivalist and Masonic conspiracy theory bullshit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 902

You deserved it 2 679

By ILiveWithMorons - 12/04/2011 03:07 - United States

Today, my dad set my hair on fire while cooking. He then tried to convince me that it spontaneously combusted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 395

You deserved it 3 344

By Rapunzel - 18/03/2012 20:02 - United States - Tucson

Today, I watched as my step-dad put locks on my window, because he's convinced that I've been sneaking out at night. All my mom did was casually remark that I'm fucked if there's ever a fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 122

You deserved it 3 071

By garage - 27/01/2010 06:21 - France

Today, my dad thought it'd be funny to put an Edward Cullen cutout behind my car as I backed it out the garage to see my reaction. Oh it was funny alright, except I was so scared that when I saw him through the mirror I reacted by stepping on the gas. We now have half a garage door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 719

You deserved it 8 605

By Anonymous - 21/01/2012 00:55 - United States

Today, I watched The Omen with my father. Halfway through driving me back home, he stopped the car and made me get out right there in a rough part of town. Fifteen minutes later, he drove up beside me, laughed hysterically at how terrified I was, and told me to get in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 791

You deserved it 2 796

Public menace

By Anonymous - 06/01/2024 05:00 - United Kingdom - Portsmouth

Today, my dad is too old to drive, period, and yet while I was at work my wife thought it was a good idea to let him try her new Mercedes, which by the way I bought and insured. He used the accelerator like he was driving a shitbox Nissan and destroyed our local kebab shop's big front window and door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 550

You deserved it 143

By Anonymous - 02/12/2011 06:15 - United States

Today, I saw my dad for the first time in ten years. He was stealing my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 052

You deserved it 2 719

By fuck me - 28/11/2013 19:13 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, my dad is forcing me to go shopping with him tomorrow for Black Friday, because he's convinced that my martial arts classes will come in handy when people "inevitably" try to beat the shit out of us in the rush for cheap stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 034

You deserved it 3 670

max_wilder 9

Saturday 20 October 2012 5:05

Burning Jehovah's witnesses is a noble cause. Help him.

lemontree7 3

Saturday 20 October 2012 5:08

This is the best fml ever!! In the past, I have scared them off by answering the door naked, but I love this option!

Comments

TurtleSmile 14

Saturday 20 October 2012 5:11

From what I've seen, it's also not too uncommon in Alabama.

tsent8 15

Saturday 20 October 2012 19:13

Ohh so it's like marrying your sister

Nadron 21

Sunday 21 October 2012 2:04

102- except marrying your sister is wrong asshole. Using a flamethrower, not so much.

80skid 15

Saturday 20 October 2012 5:12

I wish he was my dad haha.

olpally 32

Saturday 20 October 2012 5:12

That's ******* genius!! Do it!! :D

greeneyebeauty9 28

Saturday 20 October 2012 5:12

solid plan. I think it's best you help him.

DKjazz 20

Saturday 20 October 2012 5:13

OP's name is hilarious if you know what The Watchtower is.

bestnameright 14

Saturday 20 October 2012 5:14

He's doing G-d's work! Everyone hates those guys right? Even G-d? "Oh hell is hot eh? ILL SHOW YOU HOT! BURRRRNNN" In all seriousness Jehovah's Witnesses aren't that bad though, just annoying.

unknown_user5566 26

Saturday 20 October 2012 6:00

Why are you censoring the word "God"...?

stfuNOWplease 6

Saturday 20 October 2012 7:03

From my understanding, Jewish people are not supposed to spell God so they don't spell it all the way. This person may not be Jewish but it is just an assumption and have no problem with being corrected.

anzie_fml 9

Saturday 20 October 2012 11:59

He's says he's Jewish, I read his profile. No correcting necessary : ]

TurquoiseJesus 15

Sunday 21 October 2012 5:15

47- 17 is a Jew. A ginger Jew. [insert ginger joke here].

bpickett18 16

Friday 20 July 2018 18:51

Actually, Jehovah's Witnesses don't believe in hell. Also, people say they are annoying but they are doing exactly what Jesus said to do at Mathew 28:19. Also, have you ever met a Witness outside of their preaching work? They are some of the nicest and most trustworthy people I've ever met.

teresee 8

Saturday 20 October 2012 5:17

Father / Son bonding time?

lilhellian 26

Saturday 20 October 2012 5:21

can never be to safe from 'em

PipingMouse 14

Saturday 20 October 2012 5:26

I set fire....to those Jehovah's...Adele anyone? No? I dunno OP you seem pretty set for any situation. A flamethrower has many uses: zombies, aliens, annoying people....