Kids: Today, my daughter turned one month old. I decided to give her...

By Anonymous - 09/09/2009 04:22 - United States

Today, my daughter turned one month old. I decided to give her a congratulatory kiss on the cheek. She decided to projectile vomit warm breastmilk into my partially open mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 740

You deserved it 5 814

When Christmas Ends Badly…
Rather than debating politics with Uncle Roger for the umpteenth time, share the best Christmas FMLs to finally have a good family meal! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By gross - 06/08/2015 17:28 - United States

Today, I asked my one-year-old to come and give mommy a kiss. She did and it was really sweet, until she tried to spit a piece of dog food into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 823

You deserved it 3 169

Classic mistake

By Katy - 14/02/2023 18:00

Today, after I finished giving my baby a bottle then burping her, I lifted her up and was bringing her in for kisses. As I was doing this, I felt this warm liquid hit my lips and slide into my mouth. I instantly pulled her back and she'd vomited. It took everything out of me not to vomit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 745

You deserved it 368

By Username - 06/11/2010 05:18 - France

Today, I was playing with my four month old daughter, flying her in the air like an airplane. I open my mouth saying 'Weeee', and she vomited on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 649

You deserved it 15 737

By brittsters - 04/09/2015 17:46 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, I went to visit my mom and my 3-month-old sister. I picked the baby up, totally unaware that she had just eaten. As I went to give her a kiss, she vomited straight into my mouth. Let's just say she wasn't the only one who puked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 936

You deserved it 3 081

By Anonymous - 16/08/2010 20:20 - United States

Today, I kissed my girlfriend. She threw up in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 922

You deserved it 6 674

By alf - 27/10/2008 02:34 - France

Today, I kissed the girl I love for the first time. Her reaction? She vomited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 889

You deserved it 7 259

By laurwitharawr - 06/10/2009 12:08 - United States

Today, my daughter was feeling sick. She threw up on the floor. As I was cleaning up her vomit, she threw up on my head. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 434

You deserved it 4 438

By shitfaced - 18/09/2015 17:30 - Netherlands - Sassenheim

Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 675

You deserved it 9 516

Kids are gross

By Shawn - 28/03/2021 05:01

Today, I taught my 18 month-old daughter to wipe the green, snotty mucus from under her nose with a tissue. To which, like a ninja, she then wiped my open-mouthed upper lip with that same snotty tissue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 828

You deserved it 195

Have a baby they said, it'll be fun they said

By Anonymous - 25/11/2010 13:28 - United Kingdom

Today, my six-month-old daughter decided to explore my nose, and before I could stop her she shoved her thumb deep in there. She thought it was hilarious when blood started gushing down my shirt. My nose is agony to touch and I still had to clean her up first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 074

You deserved it 3 962

no1askdu 5

Wednesday 9 September 2009 12:14

thats how i say i love you

SlightlyGPirate 0

Wednesday 9 September 2009 12:17

i didn't know men could breastfeed now! must be some genetic thing.

Comments

agginym 0

Thursday 10 September 2009 0:36

why were you giving your daughter an open mouth kiss.

Cam275 0

Thursday 10 September 2009 1:18

YDI for Open-mouth french kissing your daughter and ******* her afterwards.

giganticbrain 0

Thursday 10 September 2009 2:30

Okay, this is where trolling crosses the line. Not funny. And when I'm saying it's not funny, it's really god dam unfunny.

leisl14 0

Thursday 10 September 2009 5:02

that's ******* disgusting.. the baby's a month old

furubafan74 18

Tuesday 24 June 2014 23:07

Where in the nine hells did you come up with that?

LilaBear 1

Thursday 10 September 2009 3:18

YDI for putting your face near hers before burping her :P haha.

IceCreamMage 17

Thursday 10 September 2009 4:12

Yum yum?

allie2590 31

Thursday 10 September 2009 6:03

Babies do that. Get used to it. :P

gothymama 0

Thursday 10 September 2009 6:15

Be glad it wasn't formula. Breastmilk tastes way better.

BalenciagaBetch9 0

Thursday 10 September 2009 7:14

at least it was YOUR breast milk. am i right?

Moemoemoe_fml 0

Thursday 10 September 2009 11:36

Yuuum, man milk. XD lol

greent_fml 0

Thursday 10 September 2009 7:45

why congratulate the baby? everyone turns a month old :o

Moemoemoe_fml 0

Thursday 10 September 2009 11:40

Because when you have babies, kittens and other such new bundles of joy, you are all bouncy with glee and waiting another 11 months to celebrate one year is just too damn long, so celebrating the first month seems okay. Heck, you celebrate each week, at first. Then, as they grow old, you get less and less motivated, and by the time of the second kid, it's "Oh, you can walk now? whatever." XD

gargoyle666 5

Thursday 10 September 2009 12:53

Sadly not everyone does.

Aly3277 0

Friday 11 September 2009 5:03

Sounds about right. My little boy has clean shirt issues. If the shirt is clean, it needs to be covered in vomit. At least, OP, you now have ammo for when she's older. :) Blackmail! Just remember the words "Remember how you vomitted in my mouth? Well, you owe me." :D Gotta love kids. Congrats on the little one. Mine turns 2 months next week.