Animals: Today, my dog found my marijuana pipe and the bag it was in and... - FML

By Fucked - 16/01/2009 19:38 - United States

Today, my dog found my marijuana pipe and the bag it was in and brought it to my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 554

You deserved it 40 830

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Same thing different taste

Mom hobbies

By Anonymous - 30/12/2019 14:00 - United States

Today, on a road trip my mom got out to walk her dog. Her jar of Marijuana fell out of the car and rolled across the parking lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 727

You deserved it 302

By lehonX9 - 06/06/2015 09:11 - Germany - Hanover

Today, my mom found my weed stash and went berserk, grounding me and saying she's going to have my bedroom door removed. Less than an hour later, I found her laughing and smoking the same stash with my dad in the backyard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 816

You deserved it 9 725

By marymark - 13/04/2012 01:02 - United States - West Long Branch

Today, I woke up to a note from my parents saying we needed to talk. Assuming it was about the weed I'd left on my dresser, I quickly confessed. Turns out my dog died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 121

You deserved it 39 003

By Anonymous - 16/08/2019 06:00

Today, I came home to my parents holding my marijuana. They told me that I had the stupidest hiding place ever, and that I was, "not only a pothead, but a dumbfuck pothead." FML

I agree, your life sucks 689

You deserved it 2 638

By Mellamononeyobiz - 13/01/2016 02:10 - United States - Hooper

Today, my mom smoked pot in my sister's bedroom while I was at school. When I noticed the stench, she blamed the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 153

You deserved it 1 629

Nice friends you've got there

By Anonymous - 07/07/2015 19:13 - United States - Summerfield

Today, my friend got pulled over. The cops searched the car and found a bong among the stuff we were moving to her new house. When they confronted her with it, she told them it must be mine and that she'd never seen it before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 596

You deserved it 2 797

Sneaky

By Anonymous - 03/02/2014 21:29 - United Kingdom - Ipswich

Today, my boyfriend gave me a teddy bear. I thought it was a sweet thing to do, until I saw him open a slit in its back while visiting later in the day and removing a bag of weed. He gave me a teddy bear just so he could smuggle drugs past my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 557

You deserved it 6 703

Stoner

By Alyssa - 13/02/2012 00:01 - United States

Today, my parents were out, so I lit up my first ever joint. I got so stoned out of my mind that when my dad came back home and asked what the smell was, I said a stray cat had left an upper-decker in the toilet. He found the joint in my room, and now I'm grounded for the rest of the school year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 849

You deserved it 83 228

Family portrait

By a816090 - 26/09/2019 16:00

Today, my boyfriend sent a picture of me posing with our dog to his family via a group text. Along with our 25" bong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 769

You deserved it 1 315

By rolled - 27/01/2018 01:30

Today, my angry ex-girlfriend ordered a bong to my house in my name. I came home to my parents screaming at me, demanding to know where "the weed" was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 270

You deserved it 495

Next

Top comments

ChaosChild 0

Sunday 1 March 2009 19:38

Smart dog.

jim_witness 0

Tuesday 10 March 2009 21:49

That dog is a narc

Comments

Rainbowsareshiny 0

Friday 13 February 2009 22:08

DUH! jeesh. people don't know how to sneak around these days. but good job. i think its a wonderful fail. congratulations =]

blahblahblah1234_fml 0

Friday 27 February 2009 0:45

well....

ChaosChild 0

Sunday 1 March 2009 19:38

Smart dog.

runitup 0

Friday 18 December 2009 1:58

NO

speedy638 21

Sunday 29 March 2015 6:10

stupid dog you make me look bad

Boomi 38

Sunday 11 September 2016 9:06

Maybe the parents won't notice. **EDIT** I read it as marijuana PIE, not PIPE. Yeah, you're ******, OP.

bandito0007 0

Monday 2 March 2009 9:56

suuuuuuuuuuuuurrrreeee

jim_witness 0

Tuesday 10 March 2009 21:49

That dog is a narc

Synthetic42 0

Tuesday 17 March 2009 1:18

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

guardgeek 12

Sunday 9 September 2012 8:50

Wow your messed up in the head!

puppies1234 10

Wednesday 20 July 2016 20:39

what did the dog do to u?

3clipse 0

Thursday 19 March 2009 1:21

You have the greatest dog ever. I'm sorry, that's hilarious.

rawchelllll 0

Friday 20 March 2009 19:09

Haha #9. That might be animal abuse though haha. Woooowww sucks to be you.

wesurfeveryday 0

Wednesday 1 April 2009 21:24

noone that owns a "marijuana pipe" actually calls it a "marijuana pipe"

dioxyde420 0

Saturday 22 May 2010 22:22

I do. And that's what everyone calls it. Quit assuming you know EVERYBODY and what they say!

onexgun 0

Tuesday 7 September 2010 7:52

I call mine ragnarock but whatever

MajesticMersi 0

Wednesday 3 August 2011 20:15

I call mine Chewbaka(:

thebogusman101 0

Friday 9 December 2011 9:56

No. Your weird.

cannabliss96 0

Wednesday 6 June 2012 20:23

I named mine Sammy cuz it has a salamander on it :)

cannabliss96 0

Saturday 9 June 2012 19:01

Oh by the way: no one is two words. Nobody is one word. Noone just makes you look like you never went through the second grade. I'm not being mean, or hurtful, just helping you out :)

azouwa 26

Saturday 14 April 2018 13:30

I had an awesome wizard. My ex broke it. I named him gandalf. You toked from his staff.

17Master 0

Saturday 4 April 2009 0:54

If this is for real, then lolol

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Keywords

Awkward Miscellaneous Embarrassing Work Sleep Dating Love Annoying Am I overreacting? Parents Health Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Public freakouts Fight Cops Drugs Neighbours Medication Relatable Teenagers Dogs Animals Gamers Ironic Video games Zoom

The Top

Today, I arrived at a camp and met one of my roommates. At bedtime, I had energy still, so I did push-ups. The guy was asleep or so I thought because he was facing the wall. The guy thought I was jacking off and told everyone I did it in the middle of our room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 863

You deserved it 2 846

Today, I got dressed, did my hair, carefully applied my makeup, sprayed myself with perfume, grabbed my bag and put on my coat. I got to the door, and then realised that I had nowhere to go, nothing to do and none of my friends were answering my calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 486

You deserved it 537

The Top

Today, my girlfriend saw the name "Melissa" on my phone's contact list. After refusing to tell her who it was, she accused me of being a cheater, broke up with me and stormed out of my house. Melissa is the name of a woman from Craigslist who was going to sell me an antique engagement ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 778

You deserved it 9 410

Today, I asked my dad if he'd like to go fishing together, but he said he was busy with errands. Later, in a casual conversation with my friend, she opened up her phone to show me pictures of her fishing with my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 531

You deserved it 349

Today, my ex shot me. Actually shot me. After I woke up from surgery, I told my manager I would obviously need sick leave. She told me she was shot in the army, and got over it because she’s "not a pussy", so she expects me back at work, recovering from a gunshot to the chest, by Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 295

You deserved it 106

Today, upon getting the paperwork for my Court Diversion, I found out I had to write an apology letter to my brother. The brother who sent me to jail for trying to get him to stop abusing his girlfriend, and holding him instead of fighting when he charged at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 039

You deserved it 73

Today, while celebrating my 10 years home from Iraq, my brother told us about his new affiliation with Scientology. Apparently, all those roadside bombs I keep dreaming about are just alien ghosts that need to be purged. What's worse is how well it fuses with his new brand of politics: YouTube QAnon channels! FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 067

You deserved it 141

Today, while blowing my nose after being bunged up for days, it finally unblocked. A solid slimy multicoloured booger roughly the size of a grape shot out, blew right through the tissue and landed on my manager's shoe. Hell hath no fury like a lady sneezed upon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 869

You deserved it 517