Miscellaneous: Today, my family and I watched Madagascar 2. When we got to the...

By fatty - 03/08/2010 22:37 - United States

Today, my family and I watched Madagascar 2. When we got to the part where Gloria the hippopotamus is praised for her chunkyness, my little sister looked at me and said, "If you were a hippo, maybe then you would get a date." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 163

You deserved it 7 427

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Same thing different taste

By Person15 - 26/11/2011 23:13 - United States

Today, I was at the mall and started singing along to the playing of "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas." A kid glanced at me and said to her mom, "She IS a hippopotamus." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 382

You deserved it 10 485

By Anonymous - 12/03/2013 14:05 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I took my daughter on her first visit to the zoo. While we were watching the lemurs, some kid thought it would be funny to start shouting "MONKEY CUNTS" at them at the top of his voice. Now my daughter refuses to stop repeating the same phrase. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 068

You deserved it 3 117

By faceless_sailor8 - 31/08/2011 16:25 - United States

Today, my wife compared me to Sid the sloth from Ice Age. Same smile, same eyes, same belly, same big feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 686

You deserved it 5 733

By Thanks - 27/11/2009 23:36 - United Kingdom

Today, I took my daughter to the zoo. I threw a piece of my sandwich towards a very cute chimpanzee. As a thank you, he threw a piece of crap at me, which exploded all over my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 321

You deserved it 49 600

By warp_routine - 31/03/2009 14:17 - United States

Today, I got on an elevator with a woman and her child. I was the first one on. When she stepped on, the capacity alarm went off. As she left she told her daughter that's why fat people shouldn't be allowed in public. I'm 145 lbs. She was twice my size. I got called fat by a hippopotamus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 200 969

You deserved it 13 911

By hakuna matata - 31/10/2012 10:06 - United States - Paso Robles

Today, I told my dad and brother that I want to take Zumba classes. My brother said, "Did you hear that? Pumbaa wants to Zumba!" Then he starting dancing and making pig noises. My dad high-fived him. When my mom heard, she high-fived him too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 018

You deserved it 3 625

By Anonymous - 17/01/2014 23:52 - United Kingdom

Today, I overheard my mum tell my sister that she should make me a bridesmaid at her wedding. My sister scoffed, "She looks like Shamu, mum. I can't have THAT in my wedding pics." followed by laughter and my mum saying, "Touché." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 043

You deserved it 6 795

By derve - 07/11/2012 23:48 - United States

Today, as my girlfriend and I were finishing up a romantic dinner, she gazed into my eyes for a moment and said, "You know, sometimes you look like a character from Sesame Street." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 231

You deserved it 2 180

By queenmeme - 08/10/2014 06:02 - United States - Redlands

Today, I showed my mom a picture of a baby sloth. She then said, "Wait, sloths are real?" She thought Ice Age made them up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 371

You deserved it 3 737

Animated movies

By Penny - 18/01/2020 20:00

Today, at work, I was discussing animated movies with a male senior who's got kids. I was trying to refer to Zootopia but couldn't remember the name. I went, "Zoo, zoo... filia?" Silence. It wasn't until I got home an hour later that I realized what I said. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 647

You deserved it 477

MarkerofMagic 0

Wednesday 4 August 2010 2:12

haha mean sister but good movie.

FailVader 0

Wednesday 4 August 2010 2:13

you shoulda said, " if you talked less, maybe YOU would get a date."

Comments

Nikolai103 0

Wednesday 4 August 2010 2:52

Hey hey, there's a difference between "fat" and "thick." ;]

hotstuff569 0

Wednesday 4 August 2010 2:52

ignorance is a very fitting name 4 u

hotstuff569 0

Wednesday 4 August 2010 3:10

dats just cold

randomlettrrs 8

Wednesday 4 August 2010 5:08

and ignorance is the hotstuff

Xavi89 0

Wednesday 4 August 2010 2:52

omg! hi five for your sister!

Freeze_fml 16

Wednesday 4 August 2010 2:59

Die.

SeanFredrick 3

Wednesday 4 August 2010 3:00

aww freeze, you dick. now I'm dead

iamepiclee 3

Wednesday 4 August 2010 3:02

eh whatever...

Richard_F 0

Wednesday 4 August 2010 3:05

that would have been funny. #11

MissFatty_fml 0

Wednesday 4 August 2010 3:05

You don't need to be a hippo to get a date with someone who will adore your size.

nldawgsccr22795 0

Wednesday 4 August 2010 3:20

haha ohhh.

Pheepqhee 0

Wednesday 4 August 2010 3:22

what's a hippo?

SeanFredrick 3

Wednesday 4 August 2010 3:35

Seriously? Ever hear of google? Never mind, you probably haven't.

randomlettrrs 8

Wednesday 4 August 2010 5:10

i havent!!!!!!!!!! is it like a big squirrel?

Keywords

Miscellaneous Sleep Awkward Love Weddings Television Money Relatable Snow Transportation Annoying Family Kids Pregnancy Mental health Empathy Toxic Food Animals Cats Argument Gamers Health Valentine's Day Gross Homeowners Home improvement Babysitter Drugs Music

The Top

Today, one of my employees called in because he “got struck by lightning.” I told him that’s the dumbest excuse I’ve ever heard, and he’d better get his ass to work. Turns out he really did get struck by lightning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 227

You deserved it 1 651

Today, I had sex with a guy I've liked for ages. We were lying in his bed afterwards, and he mumbled the word "happy". I thought it was really sweet, until he repeated himself. "My girlfriend probably won't be too happy about this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 608

You deserved it 6 923

The Top

Today, I was feeling a little racy and decided to send my boyfriend some naked pictures of myself. He responded, "That's OK, but does your face have to be in them?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 948

You deserved it 4 962

Today, despite being claustrophobic and avoiding lifts at all costs, I had to use the lift at work to carry boxes of paper to the 3rd floor. It broke down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 779

You deserved it 307

Today, I got call from the manager for a company I applied for. Turns out, he mixed up my friend's phone number with mine, since we applied on the same day, so the manager accidentally hired her instead of me. He said the position is still mine if I want it, but they will have to let her go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 770

You deserved it 1 646

Today, my boyfriend told me that the ring I wear on my ring finger needs to come off because it's too big. It's too big because I bought it for him and he gave it back to me 6 months later. I've been wearing it on the same finger for the last 3 months with no problems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 325

You deserved it 93

Today, I was finally having sex with the man of my dreams, and then he fell asleep on top of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 620

You deserved it 8 230

Today, I had to set parental controls on my iPad so my dad couldn't watch dirty videos on Youtube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 528

You deserved it 5 066

Same thing different taste

Animated movies

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