By ApparentlyNotEno - 05/06/2013 20:40 - United States - Martinsburg

Today, my fiancée told me that she wants us to have an open marriage. She reasons that since she doesn't equate sex with love, there's no logical reason for me to be against her having sex with other people. FML
I agree, your life sucks 57 850
You deserved it 5 470

ApparentlyNotEno tells us more.

ApparentlyNotEno 28

OP here. We've actually had a threesome together and loved it. But she specifically wants to be with other men without me there.

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Top comments

enterthedragon97 1

actually the worst fml I've seen today, my condolences

316 7

Comments

Sheh_fml 25

Non-normative relationships are neither inheritable wrong nor makes a person any less good. Only if someone is uncomfortable with said style of relationship is it in any way bad, and then only in that case. So don't judge the girl based on her relationship preferences. Only judge her if she tries to force them on him, which she actually do not seem to have. She simply put forward the idea.

19 4
Alicestraza 33

She let them get to the engaged stage in the relationship before springing on him that she was suddenly poly. That's not fair on OP at all.

20 0
ApparentlyNotEno 28

OP here. This. Exactly. I am finding out that the girl I proposed to isn't who I thought. I have many poly friends and have no problem with the lifestyle, but it just isn't for me. I've been cheated on enough times in the past that I have a particular hatred for being excluded from things. Threesomes? Fine. Having sex while I watch? Not at all exciting for me, but I'd be willing to compromise if it meant that much to her. But having sex while I'm somewhere else? I've made it quite clear that I will never be ok with that. And somehow that equates to her that I'm "not accepting" her.

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Alicestraza 33

I feel so goddamn bad for you. I think withholding vital things like that, especially after getting serious enough to get engaged, is a serious form of dishonesty. You don't deserve to be put through that and please don't compromise and be unhappy just to make her happy. She's the one in the wrong here.

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ApparentlyNotEno 28

Go raibh maith agat, alicestreza. That means a lot. I want so much for her to be happy that I actually gave her a night away just after we got engaged. It nearly killed me. I can't bear to go through that again, ever. I have to be strong and true to myself even if that means losing her. Such a miserable position to be in. She really does love me, I have no doubt of that. I know she hasn't cheated on me. And fwiw I'm incredibly grateful that she didn't wait until we were married to bring it up. But she shouldn't have withheld it from me for so long. I feel so betrayed.

9 0
Alicestraza 33

Wow you even did something like that for her. You are far too nice to go through that! Do you know why she withheld it for so long? I can't see why you wouldn't be honest about such things straight away. You have every right to feel betrayed and every negative emotion you want and please don't let her or anyone else tell you otherwise! I'm sorry that you may lose her but you will end up resenting each other if you plod along being even more miserable as she's off with other people. It's also really cool that you didn't jump at the change to get with other girls, you obviously love her very much.

10 1
hazardmuffin 21

There is nothing wrong with polyamory, but it's not for everyone. She's definitely in the wrong to not take you or your feelings into consideration here. If she's not going to be happy in a monogamous relationship and you're not going to be happy in a poly one, then you best break it off now before it blows up in both your faces later down the line. Only thing to do is sit down with your fiance and have an honest conversation about both of your feelings towards your relationship and what you want and expect out of it. Clearly there's been a serious lack of communication thus far if you've already gotten engaged and never talked about any of this.

14 2
cman024 4

damn dude leave that psycho. unless you want the herpes for life... sorry man.

2 8
friedbunnies 9

Wow. I never expected to see such an outpouring of closed mindedness. Open relationships CAN and DO work. However, they require that all participants are in agreement. It sounds like your fiancée did exactly the right thing. If it isn't something you're interested in, it isn't the end of the world. I would recommend that you clarify your expectations if you choose to move forward with her.

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kat33_fml 7

The part that gets me is that she doesn't see why he would have a problem with her having sex with others. Which doesn't seem to ME as if she is willing to compromise nor does it seem as if he even wants this kind of relationship.

6 0
EvilUndead 9

68. I suggest to read "alt.polyamory faq". If she doesn't see the problem with sleeping with other people, then I'd expect her to allow him to do the same. If she does allow him to do the same, then she simply has different standards. If she doesn't allow him, then she's manipulative. There are different kinds of love, different kinds of families, different kinds of couples, different kinds of moral values. Keep that in mind.

4 2
Emily062611 6

Where are you seeing all this closed-mindedness? I'm seeing people saying open relationships can work, and some saying "get out now" because OP made it clear he's not into that. This thread actually seems pretty open minded to me.

7 2
dodzin 9

Sorry bro, I've read something similar in Guy de Mopassant's novel. But simply speaking, you proposed to a manipulative *****. Run baby, run...

3 12
EvilUndead 9

How about you allow her to do that with women only? (And perhaps convince her to let you join the fun?)

0 13
r4m2k 10

Yeah... he might just not like the result of that.

2 0
Dovahcain 5

First comes love Then comes marriage Then comes divorce And half your shit is gone. Run. Fast.

5 7
bacondidntstrut 19

I don't think it's too bad--if sex is considered meaningless, it's easy to assume whoever you're with shouldn't mind it. I myself would have to side with your fiancee's logic, but of course if you're not comfortable with it you ought to have a chat with her to explain exactly why it makes you uncomfortable and figure out what you'll decide to do with your relationship.

5 6
davincidasecond 24

Well, at least she's honest. But if that's not your thing, and she still isn't willing to consider your feelings, then call the engagement off. You'll be saving yourself a lot of heartache.

5 1
jayystephaniee 9

Thank goodness it's says "fiancé" not "wife". A lot easier to escape!

4 4