Kids: Today, my five-year-old daughter called the police to report... - FML

By nosestealer - 07/07/2013 21:57 - Canada - Brampton

Today, my five-year-old daughter called the police to report her stolen nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 476

You deserved it 9 866

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Same thing different taste

So innocent

By Anonymous - 21/02/2020 01:00

Today, my 5 year-old stabbed me in the back with a pencil because I "stole" her nose and wouldn’t give it back. My daughter has been sulking now for 3 hours and refuses to breathe until she gets her nose back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 711

You deserved it 613

By unknown - 15/09/2011 00:21 - United States

Today, I got a call from my daughter's school saying that she had beat someone up. She's 4. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 179

You deserved it 6 096

By crzyry - 23/02/2012 03:49 - Canada

Today, my four-year-old daughter called me by her mom's new boyfriend's name. Three different times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 652

You deserved it 3 132

By Anonymous - 21/09/2012 04:51 - United States

Today, my five-year-old told me she had accidentally swallowed a thumbtack. In panic mode we raced to the ER. With no insurance. Only after the tests, examinations and X-rays did she tell me was "just joking." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 460

You deserved it 3 786

By titoutou222 - 22/10/2011 12:40 - France

Today, my five-year-old daughter came home from school. It's cold and she was very tired. I said, "Take off your socks and blow your nose." She took off her socks and blew her nose into them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 511

You deserved it 18 615

Temper tantrum

By "QueenCortana Tiffany Turner" - 07/02/2020 14:00

Today, the cops were called to my apartment because my daughter had a temper tantrum while I was at work. She was naked when they were there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 340

You deserved it 296

By imnotastranger - 09/05/2014 03:01

Today, I was teaching my 4 year-old daughter about "stranger danger" and how to deal with it. Later that day, we went out and since I didn't buy her a ice cream, she kept screaming "STRANGER DANGER!" A total stranger tackled me until the cops arrived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 621

You deserved it 6 931

By bail? - 29/08/2019 23:00 - United States - Omaha

Today, my daughter's idea of a prank was taking all of our money and getting herself arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 638

You deserved it 181

Home improvement

By ... - 27/07/2014 05:51 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found my 6 year-old daughter upstairs, lying on the floor with scissors. She was giving, "the carpet a haircut." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 311

You deserved it 5 391

By Anonymous - 26/10/2012 16:17 - Philippines - Makati

Today, I realized that my five-year-old daughters are deranged psychopaths, when one of them started screaming to get my attention while the other pulled the car door shut on my fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 395

You deserved it 3 357

Next

Top comments

kzai 16

Monday 8 July 2013 7:16

Did they help find it?!

MzZombicidal 36

Monday 8 July 2013 7:17

Voldemort?

Comments

JokersHQ 21

Monday 8 July 2013 7:48

Although hilarious, that does suck! Kids, man!

AboveAll04 14

Monday 8 July 2013 7:49

#18, I had to read that like 7 times to understand what the **** you were saying ! re-read your shit before you post your comment -__-

acs123acs 22

Monday 8 July 2013 8:03

Anyone think of the little girl from the alstate commercial.... [father ]: "smart kid" [daughter ]: "indeed"

strapper88 6

Monday 8 July 2013 8:04

Would have been funnier if the police were in the area (on a quiet day) and turned up to play along to cheer her up.

worldclassrager 39

Monday 8 July 2013 8:18

Oh my god this just made my day...

Druu 53

Monday 8 July 2013 8:21

That's a lot of Haterade. You buy in bulk at Costco?

Druu 53

Monday 8 July 2013 8:24

Oops. Sorry for the double post.

Merylwen 24

Monday 8 July 2013 8:28

Best FML I've seen in a while =D

truesarrif 33

Monday 8 July 2013 8:36

if I get moderated so be it. I know the moderators are diligent in keeping policies but I honestly have to question the legitimacy of this fml. Strikes me as fake. I'm just sayin

LilFlutter 10

Monday 8 July 2013 9:23

I bet if you find a quarter behind her ear, she'll forget all about her missing nose. ;-)

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Keywords

Awkward Miscellaneous Embarrassing Work Sleep Love Dating Am I overreacting? Annoying Health Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Public freakouts Fight Cops Drugs Neighbours Medication Relatable Teenagers Dogs Animals Gamers Ironic Video games Job interview

The Top

Today, while I was making out with my boyfriend, he left my dorm suddenly without telling me where he was going. A few hours later, he texted me to tell me that being with me made him feel dirty and he had gone to confession. He then called me a sinner. FML

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You deserved it 7 856

Today, while driving with my family, the car got stuck in a large patch of mud. My family of seven decided that I, the fifteen year old girl, would be best suited to push it out. After slipping, falling, and getting completely covered in mud, they finally called a tow truck. FML

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The Top

Today, working at a fast food restaurant, I was cleaning dishes in the back. I started to sing to myself. During the chorus I heard the echo of my voice in my ear. My boss had pushed the talk button on my headset so every staff member and everyone in the lobby could hear me over the intercom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 783

You deserved it 9 464

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I agree, your life sucks 2 180

You deserved it 252

Today, our Dungeons & Dragons group has imploded. A member kept making inappropriate passes at me, even though he knows I’m married. Now my husband has been threatening to “wring his skinny little neck like a chicken” if he ever sees him again, and now the other members are calling my man a bully. FML

I agree, your life sucks 829

You deserved it 167

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I agree, your life sucks 34 091

You deserved it 83 406

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I agree, your life sucks 52 525

You deserved it 5 061

Today, I started my period. Every time I try to open a tampon, my dog goes crazy thinking it's one of his treats. Now I have to open them with my hair dryer on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 370

You deserved it 2 942