Miscellaneous: Today, my grandmother told me to say "sofa king retarded" really...

By bribreeeeeezyfreshhh - 06/12/2010 17:03 - United Kingdom

Today, my grandmother told me to say "sofa king retarded" really fast. Not only did it take me several attempts to figure out what it meant, I'm now grounded by my mother for having a foul mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 942

You deserved it 27 196

The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

You OK hon?

By religiunatic - 13/12/2013 17:09 - Canada - Keswick

Today, my normally very modest and prissy mom came home, pissed off about something. I asked her what was wrong, but she wouldn't say, and snapped at me to "fuck off." She then grounded me for "making" her use that kind of "vile language." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 834

You deserved it 3 130

By properpissed - 03/06/2014 15:36 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was talking to one of my British friends online, and he told me to say "yew anchors" a few times really fast. I'm a fairly stupid person, and wasn't very focused, so I did as he said. When I finally figured what the words meant, my dad had heard and grounded me for cursing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 435

You deserved it 10 167

By phonesmuggler - 18/04/2013 19:30 - United States

Today, I briefly left my laptop while I went to use the toilet. When I came back, I found "I" had posted on Facebook, calling my mom a "stupid cunt who should just stay in the kitchen." The only other person home at the time was my grandpa. She didn't believe it, and permanently grounded me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 887

You deserved it 5 819

Holiday assumptions

By Red Toad - 26/12/2020 20:59 - United States - Litchfield Park

Today, I said a few words to my mom that happened to be similar to something offensive, and she misheard. I tried to tell her, but she was so angry that she assumed I was saying more offensive things. Now she is punishing everybody in the house, and I’m not allowed to speak to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 856

You deserved it 149

Quality family time

By really mature, GRAN - 25/12/2012 20:59 - United States - El Macero

Today, my psycho grandma yelled at me for being an "immature brat" by not offering to wash the dishes after dinner. I reminded her that when I offered last time, she raged at me for being "condescending." She responded by faking a heart attack and getting me indefinitely grounded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 780

You deserved it 3 078

Proportional response

By Anonymous - 16/10/2020 16:58

Today, our house caught fire. While trying to help my mom get to safety, the word "fuck" accidentally escaped my mouth. Once we were safe, she said I was grounded for swearing. I'm 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 368

You deserved it 177

By booste - 18/10/2009 04:06 - Canada

Today, I was written up because my manager heard me insulting a customer. How did I insult her? I called her grandma. Who did I say this to? My grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 766

You deserved it 2 269

Ironic, isn't it?

By KC. - 25/04/2012 20:06 - United Kingdom - Cambridge

Today, I got into an argument with my mother, when she snapped and called me a son of a bitch. I said that made no sense, because I'm a girl, and it'd only really confirm that she's a bitch. She then grounded me for insulting her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 497

You deserved it 8 746

By rosmaizura - 01/10/2010 07:39 - Malaysia

Today, my mom added me on Facebook. She wrote on my wall, for the whole world to see, "Why are you swearing on the internet?! You're grounded". FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 437

You deserved it 22 390

By dadyoureacunt - 21/09/2013 13:10 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my dad made a big show of sending me to my room and grounding me for a week. Not because he heard me cursing at my video game, but because I "swear like a little girl" and it embarrassed him in front of his friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 523

You deserved it 7 465

DocBastard 38

Monday 6 December 2010 23:26

OP, now say "I'm a ******* moron" five times fast. What does that sound like to you?

WTSchool 0

Monday 6 December 2010 23:09

She probably thought you were smart enough to figure it out. Sorry.

Comments

MyyLifeeIssFcked 0

Tuesday 7 December 2010 5:53

That's a cool granny

hcovballer247 0

Tuesday 7 December 2010 6:32

you are sofa king stew peed

Tanya101 4

Tuesday 7 December 2010 6:44

i dont get it will some one explain???

doodoo1122 0

Tuesday 7 December 2010 6:50

owa tago siam. old chinese proverb. hidden meanings.

mongoosemike 23

Tuesday 7 December 2010 7:14

89's comment FTW

dusthawg 4

Tuesday 7 December 2010 7:20

try this one. I'm a sock cutter and I cut socks.

00FireSong00 0

Tuesday 7 December 2010 7:23

I showed my brother this fml and half an hour later he still doesn't get it. xD

Fmlfreak96 0

Tuesday 7 December 2010 8:17

ydi for bein a total dumba** And ur grandma sound f**cking awsome

Barn312009 0

Tuesday 7 December 2010 8:27

:-/ dang...got me

iamme216 7

Tuesday 7 December 2010 8:45

grandma FTW!!!

Keywords

Relatable Shoes Miscellaneous Clothes Transportation Insurance Cars Work Health Cheating Love Food Clumsy Embarrassing Awkward Animals Dating First Dates Bikes Cute Dogs Ironic Pranks Shopping Mistakes Texting Family Fight Birthday Drunk

The Top

Today, I spotted a guy I like slyly checking me out, so I did what I thought would be a dramatic but nonchalant hair flip. Instead, my hair got caught in the strap of my bag, and I ended up yanking myself backwards like a clumsy stuntman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 174

You deserved it 446

Today, I'm staying with my in-laws. My husband is fighting with his dad, who's fighting with his brother-in-law, who's fighting with his wife. The only ones not fighting are my sister-in-law and her boyfriend, who're getting along great on a squeaky mattress in the room next to mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 561

You deserved it 4 164

The Top

Today, I saw a man stuck in his car door by his jacket. I ran over to help him, and his wife hit me with her purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 839

You deserved it 335

Today, my train departed over 10 minutes early. It was the last train of the day. I missed my transatlantic flight and along with it the vacation and concert I'd spent over a year saving for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 578

You deserved it 2 723

Today, my girlfriend and I were having ice cream and I jokingly asked, "What's better? The sex or ice cream?" Apparently, I don't pleasure her like Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 649

You deserved it 48 867

Today, I was at the nursing home I work at, and my boss asked me if I'm serious about my job, telling me that I've been acting strange and not working hard enough. She wants to drug test me. The real reason I'm not 100% is because I have a stomach ulcer from the stress of working there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 660

You deserved it 2 597

Today, I left my old job and started my new one, which came with a hefty pay raise and better benefits. Previously, I was a lab analyst performing research, which required a college degree and several years of work experience. Now, I'm a gas station manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 028

You deserved it 156

Today, I received an email from the secretary of my university. Even though I only have half a year left before I graduate, I'm still required to attend all the lessons for the entire year. Huh? FML

I agree, your life sucks 363

You deserved it 86