Intimacy: Today, my husband and I attended a funeral. After the service,...

By jackie89 - 10/08/2014 19:26 - United Kingdom - Redruth

Today, my husband and I attended a funeral. After the service, my phone vibrated. It was a text from my husband, saying "I've got mourning wood like you wouldn't believe! get it? MOURNING. haha :D" I looked up and saw him across the room, winking at me. Not the place, honey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 602

You deserved it 7 460

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 14/06/2013 16:24 - Cyprus - Limassol

Today, I attended my mother's funeral. My husband came too, and during the service, I kept hearing him giggling. I wrote it off as the usual awkward nerves, until he started snorting too, and I caught sight of the iPhone under his jacket. He was reading this very site. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 606

You deserved it 4 593

By Anonymous - 26/07/2009 17:00 - France

Today, I went to a funeral for my coworker's father. While there, my dad's cell phone rang and he left to answer it. I turned to my brother and said, "I can't believe he brought his cell phone!" He whispered, "I can't believe he's got coverage. This is a dead zone!" I laughed loudly. At a funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 754

You deserved it 58 953

By ashlee - 31/08/2010 18:07 - United States

Today, after my husband's phone buzzed like crazy all morning, I decided to pick it up and see what all the fuss was about. He had three new picture messages from his "boss", naked and strapped to a chair with the caption, "Are you still coming over tonight?" We've been married for nine years and have two children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 505

You deserved it 4 654

By Anonymous - 04/12/2011 23:52 - United States

Today, I heard vibrating from inside my husband's desk drawer. Since he's away for the weekend, I investigated. I found an unfamiliar cellphone with an inbound call. I answered it. Turns out, it was his mistress. Neither of us can get a hold of him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 155

You deserved it 3 442

By Anonymous - 28/05/2013 11:12 - Norway - Trondheim

Today, I was visiting my new in-laws for the first time. During an awkward silence, I took my phone and figured I'd send my friend a text jokingly saying "Mayday, mayday! Somebody save me!" My mood lightened up a little and I felt quite well until my mother-in-law's phone beeped. Yep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 448

You deserved it 48 391

By Anonymous - 18/01/2013 20:59 - Canada - Owen Sound

Today, my husband sent me a text before heading home from work. All it said was, "Need a fuck. Backed up to hell. You're about to shower face first in a fire hydrant." Love you too, hun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 018

You deserved it 6 028

Revealing

By kitkat545 - 15/06/2009 23:18 - United States

Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 080

You deserved it 51 001

Mind your own beeswax

By Anonymous - 22/08/2020 17:02

Today, I saw an employee showing off a picture on his phone. I couldn't quite see what it was and tried to inject myself in to the conversation. "Whatcha got there, a cow?" It wasn't. It was a photo of his wife, posing in her wedding dress for the first time since their wedding day several years and children ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 507

You deserved it 2 895

By perfectlybrokenx - 24/08/2010 04:21 - Canada

Today, while I was on a date, I noticed my ex-boyfriend in the restaurant, and he looked sad. So I walked over to see him and jokingly said, "You look like your mom died or something!" She had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 796

You deserved it 52 194

Tattoos are for life

By Anonymous - 08/10/2021 11:01

Today, my husband cried more at the funeral of his tattoo artist than he did at his grandmother's funeral. Seriously, at the artist's funeral, he was crying; at his grandmother's, he kept checking the time on his phone and yawning. What man did I marry? FML

I agree, your life sucks 906

You deserved it 368

Nymeria_fml 25

Monday 11 August 2014 0:31

*cough*Insensitive*cough* Oh, excuse my coffin.

theasian007 11

Monday 11 August 2014 0:33

I hope I'm not a bad person for thinking this would've been hilarious

Comments

weveallbeenthere 30

Monday 11 August 2014 0:39

it is funny, wrong, but funny.

orphanclubber 8

Monday 11 August 2014 0:40

smooth as ****

RusticChick 27

Monday 11 August 2014 0:47

Just trying to lighten the mood, perhaps?

StzaCrack666 18

Monday 11 August 2014 0:50

that guys an OG

howtobestupid 16

Monday 11 August 2014 1:21

You decided your husbands embarrasing moment is good to share on social media i assume without his discretion nice. Yeah real transparent

Shrike 23

Monday 11 August 2014 1:27

What the hell are you ranting about? Did you even read the FML, or are you just that dedicated to living up to your username?

Brandi_Faith 33

Monday 11 August 2014 2:01

22, I don't think he actually even had a hard on, I think it was just a joke. He was just goofing off trying to lighten the mood.

raphanne_fml 33

Monday 11 August 2014 2:26

#22 Right, because OP obviously gave us all the informations about her husband, including his full name, address and shoe size. It's not like FML is anonymous or anything.

SillyBeanie 8

Monday 11 August 2014 1:25

Not the right joke for the time, but maybe he was trying to make heart of the situation, trying to cheer you up which isn't such a bad thing

ethan_unoxx 29

Monday 11 August 2014 1:32

clearly its not the place for jokes

Enslaved 36

Monday 11 August 2014 1:33

Sometimes-- "There's nothing like a funeral to make you feel alive" ~Life Is Beautiful

Dozer1988 14

Monday 11 August 2014 4:06

Love that song! I wish more people got the reference.

False_Stupidity 41

Monday 11 August 2014 2:00

Should kick him there and then he can be mourning his wood.

Zebediabolical 39

Monday 11 August 2014 2:04

My best friend died on Tuesday, I spend 20 hours at the funeral home between then an Friday, then helped carry the box on Saturday AM. I flirted outrageously during the couple days of the wake with most of the women I knew and a couple that I didn't really. Why? Because I'd have flirted with them outrageously no matter where I was and my best friend wouldn't have expected me to change that for anything.In fact, the only time the flirting machine was turned off was the hour of the actual service. If I'd been serious enough to hook up, I think she'd have given me a high five from beyond the grave. Or a smirk and a Gibbs slap. Either way.