Intimacy: Today, my husband decided it would be funny to shout "Woohoo!"...

By anonymous - 03/02/2011 05:17

Today, my husband decided it would be funny to shout "Woohoo!" in Michael Jackson's voice while having an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 286

You deserved it 6 454

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By mrssagdiyev - 05/03/2011 14:19 - United States

Today, my husband decided to imitate Borat and shout "Very Nice! I Excite!" while having sex. He's also decided that it was ingenious and does it every single time, the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 625

You deserved it 5 444

By fmlalways - 22/01/2011 13:00 - United Kingdom

Today, whilst having sex, my husband screamed out a man's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 780

You deserved it 5 152

Honky

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I let out a moan that can only really be described as sounding like a clown car horn. He ended up laughing so hard that he couldn't continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 339

You deserved it 5 178

By anonymous - 19/02/2011 13:12 - United States

Today, I was having the best sex with my husband, and right when I reached climax, he shouted "Abracadabra!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 064

You deserved it 7 397

Revealing

By kitkat545 - 15/06/2009 23:18 - United States

Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 079

You deserved it 51 000

Big kid

By Anonymous - 08/09/2012 14:20 - United States - Rhodes

Today, I told my husband that I'm tired of feeling like his "blow-up doll". His response was to honk my boob and make squeaking noises. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 386

You deserved it 5 717

By Anonymous - 13/10/2012 21:54 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my husband decided that he simply couldn't exist any longer without giving me his own version of a wet-willy. He creeped up on me as I was sleeping and wiggled his wet penis around in my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 145

You deserved it 4 215

Grammy award winner

By blow away - 28/07/2014 04:36 - United States - Middletown

Today, my husband played a recording of me breaking wind in my sleep to my whole family at the dinner table. To make matters worse, it was a compilation of different noises from over a long period of time. My family was horrified and my husband seemed proud of himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 361

You deserved it 4 573

No gods no masters

By Anonymous - 01/03/2024 09:00 - United States - North Royalton

Today, during a intense orgasm I screamed, "You're my God!" at my husband. Afterwards, he told me I was blasphemous and reminded me that God smites those with false prophets. Needless to say, I think I'll just keep my mouth shut in the future. FML

I agree, your life sucks 518

You deserved it 172

By Kate - 07/06/2011 07:50 - United States

Today, I was reading a crappy "How to spice up your marriage" book with my husband for laughs. One of the ideas was for the guy to whip his knob out, stand behind his girl and say "Can you say that into the microphone?" Now he does it every chance he gets, and I fall for it EVERY TIME. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 660

You deserved it 44 199

jewban 3

Thursday 3 February 2011 12:19

jamonaaaaa!!!!! HEeHEe

SirSantpoort 0

Thursday 3 February 2011 12:20

Its your husband.. Who cares if he makes a joke like that.. As long as he doesnt do it all the time :)

Comments

AngelGoneWrong95 9

Friday 8 August 2014 4:02

that's awesome! If you disagree, beat it!

fantasyworld 37

Saturday 30 August 2014 19:07

He has somewhat of a sense of humour.

paolino_fml 18

Tuesday 30 December 2014 10:12

LEGEND

kimise 21

Friday 14 August 2015 17:32

Don't you mean "heeeehee" ?

Paws_Cat 29

Saturday 26 September 2015 0:50

You've been hit by You've been ****** by A smooth criminal

Keywords

Miscellaneous Embarrassing Awkward Sleep Work Love Dating Annoying Am I overreacting? Health Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Friends Gross Public freakouts Fight Neighbours Cops Drugs Relatable Medication Dogs Animals Teenagers Ironic Video games Gamers Zoom

The Top

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate with each other for the first time. He shoved his hand down my pants, touched about an inch away from my clitoris, and whispered, "Cummm" in my ear. I doubt I'll have an orgasm ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 034

You deserved it 4 250

Today, the woman I love, who rejected me countless times, got a boyfriend. Bitter about it, I post on my Instagram Story: “I could have been your love bug, but apparently you’re into roaches.” She posted a story of them kissing, saying, “I love my roach so much!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 36

You deserved it 1 199

The Top

Today, I was fired from my volunteer job. Why? Because they said I was working so hard and doing such a good job that I was making the real staff look bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 328

You deserved it 4 229

Today, as I was walking through the park I had to yawn. In mid-yawn, with my mouth wide open, I walked right through a spider web getting both the spider and the prey it was eating stuck in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 608

You deserved it 8 260

Today, I went to a party. Although I wasn't drinking, I was still afraid the cops would bust me. Halfway through the party, the cops showed up. I tried to hop a fence, ripping my pants and cutting my leg in the meantime. It wasn't until was on the ground that I found out there was a gate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 468

You deserved it 2 106

Today, I had to perform with my orchestra at an event. I hadn't eaten at all because I had to get my blood sugar tested. During the middle of a song, I passed out. No one helped me and no one stopped playing, "because the song wasn't over and they didn't want to ruin the performance." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 716

You deserved it 6 270

Today, I went on a long flight. I was fortunate enough to sit next to a great girl. However, she must have thought I was not so great, because she moved to the empty seat across the aisle. Next to my dad. Who then told stories about how I always get motion sickness on airplanes. I then threw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 750

You deserved it 3 729

Today, I was talking to my ex. After pouring my heart out to her, saying we were meant for each other, she looked at me and said, "Don't bother, I've already slept with your brother." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 634

You deserved it 5 529