By TooLesbian - 25/09/2014 02:33 - Australia - Kellyville

Today, my insane roommate yelled at me for using the word "stupid" because apparently it is a slur against mentally disabled people. Later, she went on and on about this "queer" club she's attending to meet "queer" people to talk about "queer" issues. She's not gay. I am. FML
I agree, your life sucks 36 235
You deserved it 3 578

TooLesbian tells us more.

TooLesbian 6

I am the OP for this post. She is not my friend, just the sister of a friend (I live with both). Where I live in Australia, "queer" is still used as a derogatory word against gay people, and gay men and women are often called that by homophobes in public. She is completely straight, but thinks she is revolutionary by joining the gay rights movement as an "ally". Because she knows gay people, she assumes that she is entitled to use words we call ourselves. She knows I'm not comfortable with the word "queer" because I've had it used against me by bullies at high school, but she continues to use it because "it's an umbrella term" (although it isn't, some a word SOME LGBT people call themselves). She isn't a homophobe, and I'm not insinuating that she is - just really annoying.

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Top comments

Comments

TooLesbian 6

I am the OP for this post. She is not my friend, just the sister of a friend (I live with both). Where I live in Australia, "queer" is still used as a derogatory word against gay people, and gay men and women are often called that by homophobes in public. She is completely straight, but thinks she is revolutionary by joining the gay rights movement as an "ally". Because she knows gay people, she assumes that she is entitled to use words we call ourselves. She knows I'm not comfortable with the word "queer" because I've had it used against me by bullies at high school, but she continues to use it because "it's an umbrella term" (although it isn't, some a word SOME LGBT people call themselves). She isn't a homophobe, and I'm not insinuating that she is - just really annoying.

104 3
acerredrum 23

A well intentioned asshole.

120 2
jamnglamgirlie 17

She sounds kinda entitled too. It's the same as some other race using the N word because they have a black boyfriend/girlfriend. She not very smart is she?

110 2
AloysiusWeasley 15

Maybe you shouldn't try to force people not to use basic words? What if *she* prefers the word?

idioticmess 15

i was just about to say what #69 said. he/she is very right about that.

7 20
Brandi_Faith 33

Your roommate sounds special. However, I personally don't understand why it is ok for people to use derogatory words when speaking of themselves or people like them (example black people calling themselves the N word, or homosexuals using queer) if they don't want anyone else to call them that? Why bother using it at all? I feel like if they are going to use the word themselves, then it shouldn't bother them if someone else does. I am in no way trying to be offensive, I just genuinely don't understand. If someone wants to explain please feel free to enlighten me. It just doesn't make sense to me personally.

95 7
Korgonda 13

I think it's about regaining power over a hurtful word. At least that's why my homosexual friends tell me they use derogatory words in reference to themselves. If they use it they can make light of a word that has hurt them for pretty much their whole lives, but if someone else uses it, the word still stings.

44 4
Noreason89 6

#75 "Never forget who you are, the rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor and it can never be used to hurt you." - Tyrion Lannister

48 0
lina21 12

Frankly, if an "ally" of black people were to use the n word, they're still a freaking racist. She may call herself an "ally", but that indicates a homophobe overcompensating and showing a certain entitlement with no respect for other people around her like you

28 4
lina21 12

Some people call it microaggressions if you want to put a name to it

15 2
Dashelle 25

So you can use the word, but she can't? That seems very discriminatory to me.

6 26
FYlife604 18

Your queer, we are here and used to it!

2 4
DoomedGemini 37

If she's using a word she knows hurts you, she's not an ally. I hope you explain that to her. She doesn't seem homophobic but more like a step away from claiming to be homosexual to get attention.

3 0
princessofthedrk 13

Should ask her how she feels about the word "Retard" then. That should get her going. Tell her you won't use the R work if she doesn't use the Q word.

42 1
thisis16charlong 10

people actually call themselves queer unless your roommate was making fun of them with that word, then it's a slur

0 8
The_Markinator 5

queer also means strange. could be a strange club

3 0
blackonblight 32

"Stupid" is a /mildly/ ableist term, and it wouldn't hurt to try to reduce usage of it. On the other hand, "queer" is being widely reclaimed by the non-heteronormative community, so use is a bit more tricky. If someone doesn't like you using it around them, you should consider not using it outside of self identification. But just because an individual isn't homosexual doesn't mean they don't qualify as queer. Now, if the individual is a cisgender heterosexual heteromantic, yes, then I can see the issue, but don't try to exclude people from the queer community who just don't fit the obvious "gay" box.

1 8
princessofthedrk 13

Stupid is better than calling them retarded or an idiot, or moron. Imbecile even.

2 0
WhimsicalMusings 11

I always thought "stupid" by definition implied "failure to employ the mental faculties you are equipped with." Someone with a learning difficulty can't be "stupid" because they're contending with a completely different set of challenges - usually as best they can. Then again, directly calling someone stupid is pretty vicious - it's usually diluted by being directed to a thing rather than a person ("that's a stupid idea") or by being indirect about it ("look, don't be stupid"). I know language moves on, and we pick up on things we take for granted that are actually offensive ("hysterical" has a pretty misogynistic history). There seems to be a chicken-and-egg thing going on: some words originally intended to indicate a medical condition were hijacked to become slurs, and some slurs were applied to people with medical conditions by an ignorant and unsympathetic society. I'm curious to know the alternatives, since every synonym finds itself on the list - "dumb", "foolish", "lunatic", "crazy", "insane", "slow-witted", "brainless", "feeble-minded", "idiotic", "moronic", "slow" and even "daft" all fall into the ableism category. Some are obvious - in my part of the world, calling someone or something "retarded" in a classroom gets you sent out of class, and "dumb" as an insult didn't make much sense to begin with. But when it comes to the things in life that are truly ill thought out, that leaves us with...silly?

2 0
blackonblight 32

Well, you could say 'ill thought out' but in general the euphemism treadmill with regards to terms for intellect is one that seems to move really fast. Playing it safe would be to avoid using any terms that make a judgement on mental ability employed, but gods know that's not feasible without sounding incredibly forced and, ironically, calling attention to your own mental abilities. Always addressing the action, never the person, is the easiest way to modify speech without it being too noticeable.

0 0