Intimacy: Today, my parents asked me if I was sexually active. My grandma... - FML

By Susan - 18/03/2013 08:59 - Ireland

Spicy

Today, my parents asked me if I was sexually active. My grandma then screamed from upstairs, "She's not even physically active!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 690

You deserved it 16 033

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Same thing different taste

Wanker horn

By gran ruined masturbation - 01/06/2023 12:00

Spicy

Today, if I'm out of breath, sweaty, or in a room with the door closed, my grandmother will loudly yell, "YOU HAVE BEEN MASTURBATING!" as soon as she sees me. It's been going on for three years. My parents think it's hilarious. I want to die. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 172

You deserved it 176

By Nails - 22/02/2009 03:16 - United States

Spicy

Today, I went to the doctor with my parents. When the doctor asked if I was sexually active, I said 'Yes.' My mom laughed and said 'Good one.' My dad, for added effect said, 'Your hand doesn't count.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 125

You deserved it 7 242

Oh no…

By Oh... - 26/07/2019 16:00 - Australia

Spicy

Today, my grandma drove me home from school early because I was sick. I went upstairs and heard my parents having sex. Embarrassed, I ran downstairs and was about to leave the house when I saw a car pull into the driveway. It was my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 971

You deserved it 261

Great story, tell it again!

By BrianTheLion89 - 06/06/2012 21:37 - United States

Spicy

Today, I got a lecture about being lazy and not being active enough for my age, which ended with, "When I was your age, I was out every night having sex with anything that breathed." Thanks Gran. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 630

You deserved it 3 753

By RatCityChick - 27/06/2012 17:18 - United States - Bellevue

Spicy

Today, my grandmother said she's noticed that I've been very angry lately. She came to the conclusion that I "haven't been laid enough" and my boyfriend is "not doing his job." Thanks Grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 464

You deserved it 4 892

Caught red-handed

By caught - 09/01/2012 00:43 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was bored and started touching myself watching TV. My mother walked into my bedroom with a phone in her hand and yelled, "Stop jacking off and talk to your grandmother." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 336

You deserved it 36 291

As you were

By ryan and Zack - 25/02/2010 22:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, I walked over to my grandmother's house to pay her a visit. I politely knocked on the door, and there was no answer. Fearing that something had happened, I violently broke down the door to find my grandma and her new 80 year-old boyfriend having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 300

You deserved it 7 972

By Anonymous - 17/03/2013 19:09 - France - Minzier

Today, I went to the gym with my grandma. In the span of an hour, she was hit on more than I ever have been in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 360

You deserved it 4 304

My ears!

By epistaxis - 02/02/2009 00:43 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I'm staying with my grandmother and overheard her having phone sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 418

You deserved it 2 688

By welptimetoburntheplacedown - 11/08/2014 15:02 - United States - Louisville

Today, I decided to spend a few days at my grandma's house, to help her clean the place up a bit. So far, she's given me a "no masturbating under my roof" talk, used multiple racist slurs, and yelled "QUIET DOWN!" when I so much as sneezed in the next room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 307

You deserved it 3 702

Next

Top comments

perdix 29

Monday 18 March 2013 16:31

Did Grandma say this while banging a guy she picked up at the gym?

obviousboy 8

Monday 18 March 2013 16:49

Grandmas: calling it like it is since they stopped giving a ****.

Comments

PenguinBitch 43

Monday 18 March 2013 23:47

Either your parents were talking loud or your grandma has ears like a hawk.

Zen_Mei 17

Tuesday 19 March 2013 0:22

Sounds like a challenge to me

turtlesandcheese 4

Tuesday 19 March 2013 2:13

Well played grandma well played

Joe9024 20

Tuesday 19 March 2013 4:01

1-0 Grandma

cuponoodles34 10

Tuesday 19 March 2013 4:20

your grandma probably stuffs food down your throat. I know mine does, she complains I'm too thin and dying of starvation. yet I'm not, and the next day she threatens to lock the fridge w a padlock to keep me out.. its ok OP

tararochelle 18

Tuesday 19 March 2013 4:23

Haha,come on.. Grandparents have earned the right to say whatever the hell they want. True or not.

Lilo4life 26

Tuesday 19 March 2013 4:28

Your grandma is one sassy lady

Subject752 8

Tuesday 19 March 2013 4:52

Gotta love Grandma

cuponoodles34 10

Tuesday 19 March 2013 6:13

they are just the best.

ashjo 12

Tuesday 19 March 2013 6:34

How loud do your parents speak? Lol

shieldthestral 5

Tuesday 19 March 2013 6:43

There's nothing wrong with that! I'm virgin and proud, I also hate moving too much.. Movement sucks..

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Love Cheating Money Relatable Work Jealousy My ex Accident Health Medication ADHD Snow Weather Miscellaneous Awkward Embarrassing Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird Dating AITA Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Fight

The Top

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try the ice cubes in the vagina thing we'd read about. He kept sticking one in after another and they got stuck. My vagina had a brain freeze for a half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 778

You deserved it 3 941

Today, I wanted to show my friends my cat’s “high-five” trick. I held out my hand, and instead of a high-five, my cat scratched and bit me instead. I yelped, and my friends burst into laughter. I had to bandage my hand, all whilst they joked about “cat training.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 160

You deserved it 375

The Top

Today, a parent came into my class and told one of my 6 year-old students that their grandma died. Then the parent left. The kid started crying from the news, which then got all the other students crying. I spent the rest of the day comforting a class of kids crying over someone else's grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 532

You deserved it 3 861

Today, my ex-boyfriend is now dating my cousin, and he's stopped hanging out with me for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 024

You deserved it 195

Today, my violent geriatric patient was trying to escape the facility. When I intervened, she poked my belly then told me I was squishy and that I might explode. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 371

You deserved it 272

Today, I went to a theater and saw "Bruno" with my mom. We saw "Borat" together, so I thought, 'Hey, how bad could it be?' I don't know what was more nauseating: Bruno's penis spinning around and talking or the fact that my mom thought it was hilarious and couldn't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 864

You deserved it 25 744

Today, I was walking down the street holding my boyfriend's hand, when a seemingly sweet old man said to him, "Hey, you've got to hold her hand properly". I asked him to show me what properly meant. He licked my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 555

You deserved it 5 878

Today, I was asked why I have stretch marks when I’m skinny. The stretch marks are from when I was recovering anorexic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 919

You deserved it 112